fishy

In one of the many company practice rooms, Seungmin sat on the floor surrounded by papers and his computer. It was open to a cheap recording software that he had downloaded just hours before. The papers were lined with notes and lyrics from a song that he knew quite well. They sat there, mostly forgotten, only being remembered when there was a small edit that Seungmin wanted to make.

This project was something that he had been working on for years, well before he even became an idol. None of the other members even knew of its existence. 

It was something that was just for him.

The first version was written and recorded when he was just coming into himself. He had just come out to his family and they had been less than accepting. It was around that time when he started auditioning for different companies, wanting to pursue his dreams and get away from a house that didn’t accept him.

Eventually he found his place, found himself, and he found seven other boys that he called family.

The idea to continue with the song was always something that sat in the back of his mind but it never felt like the right time. He always found some reason that he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t until the group was coming up on their seventh anniversary together. 

Seven felt like the perfect number. 

Seven was when Seungmin first started to feel different from his friends. Seven was the number of months until he was finally accepted into the company. Seven was the amount of boy who helped him feel truly comfortable in his identity and showed him unconditional love. 

In a way, it was a thank you. 

A thank you to all of the sevens that the world had given him. 

He was so focused on what he was doing that he didn’t hear the door to the practice room open. It wasn’t until Chan was kneeling down next to him that he was pulled out of his head.

“Hyung, hi, I didn’t hear you come in,” He said, pulling his earbuds out of his ear making sure to save the files before closing his computer.

“You weren’t answering your phone, so I wanted to come check on you.” Chan took a seat beside him. “I was getting ready to head to the dorms tonight and saw from the group chat that you weren’t back yet either. Thought I’d come make sure you don’t stay too late.”

“You’re one to talk. You practically live here.” A quick glance at his phone told him that it was a little past one in the morning. 

“What are you working on?” Chan asked, grabbing one of the papers off of the floor. He took a couple moments to read it over while Seungmin packed away everything else. “These lyrics are really good, Minne.”

“Thanks.” Seungmin could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. “It was something I wrote a long time ago. Before I met any of you guys.”

“This chorus seems really high,” Chan commented as he looked more closely. “That’s out of your range, no?”

“It is,” he confirmed with a nod. “That’s one of the things I’ve been working on. I’ve gotten through rearranging most of the song but there’s still a few parts that I can’t seem to work out.”

“If you need any help with anything, you know where to find me.”

It wasn’t that Seungmin didn’t want Chan’s help but, it felt too personal to get someone else involved. He wanted this song to be a true reflection on him and the growth of himself as a singer but also his growth as a person all together. 

“I know. Thank you, hyung.” He gave Chan a small smile as he finished gathering his things. 

Thankfully, Chan decided to drop the topic as the pair walked out of the practice room. Stepping out onto the street, the world around them was quiet. For most people, it was much too late for them to be out and about so it felt like Seungmin and Chan were the only people around. It was peaceful.

Moments with Chan often were, though. Seungmin had always felt the most comfortable around Chan, from the moment they met Chan became his safe space. Over time, the rest of the members did too but there was always something different about Chan. Something special. Something that always seemed to draw Sengmin in. 

But he never let himself get pulled all the way. Always stopping a safe distance away from Chan. Convinced that if he let himself get too close, let himself get a taste of what he really wanted, everything would fall apart. 

Seungmin wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he ruined things with any of the boys. Especially Chan. It had taken far too long to find them all and now he didn’t want to have to experience life without them again. 

“What’s got you so quiet tonight, Min?” His voice startled Seungmin. He had been so deep in thought that he had forgotten that the older man was standing right next to him. 

“Just thinking,” he offered lamely. 

“About?”

“Just, how grateful I am for all of you guys.” His eyes stayed glued to his feet. “I don’t think I’d be here without you.”

It wasn’t a lie.

“I’m glad we found you, Minnie.” Chan’s voice was laced with an emotion that Seungmin couldn’t quite place. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” Seungmin responded. “Sometimes I think about what would’ve happened if I didn’t meet you guys when I did. Or at all. You know?”

A brief silence stretches between them as Chan gives Seungmin the space to decide how much more he was going to say.

“I always felt so out of place when I was younger. Maybe it was because I was trans or maybe it was just because I’m me. I don’t really know.” He shrugged. “I was beginning to think that there wasn’t anywhere I truly belonged. Then I met you. You took me in and loved me, despite everything. Now, I have the family I’ve always wanted. Sometimes I don’t appreciate it enough but it really does mean the world to me.”

It wasn’t often that Seungmin talked about his emotions but when he did, it was always raw and true. Chan weighed his words before speaking.

“I’m glad I found you. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Me too.”

— — —

It was a few days before Seungmin and Chan had another moment alone together. The rest of their walk home had been spent in a comfortable silence. Then, the next day, their schedules picked up and had them all working all day. Seungmin wasn’t sure if all of the members had even been making it home. 

He knew that Chan was choosing to cope with things by spending more time than he should in his studio. It was more than likely that Jisung and Changbin had been accompanying him. Hyunjin was also one who was known to work later than he should’ve, choosing to spend the late hours of the night drilling the choreography into his memory. 

In the few moments of freedom Seungmin had, he spent most of that time continuing to work on rearranging his song. It was just about done and after a few rounds of running through it quickly, Seungmin knew that he would be ready to record it soon.

He knew that it wasn’t something he was able to do himself. 

While some of the others wanted to learn how to produce, Seungmin never saw that appeal. Even when Chan tried to explain a small part of the process to him, he got lost in all of the steps and technical terms that were required to know. He preferred to stick to song writing. 

It wasn’t until there was a lull in their schedule when Seungmin found himself standing outside of Chan’s studio after the rest of the members had gone home for the night. He was hesitating and he wasn’t really sure why.

He trusted Chan more than anybody else with this.

Eventually, he worked up the courage to knock on the door. It was only a few seconds later that Chan called for him to come in.

He did. 

“Oh, hey Min.” Chan greeted, looking up from whatever he was doing on his computer. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, I was just wondering if you could help me with something?” He took a seat next to Chan, setting his belongings on the desk.

“Of course,” Chan agreed instantly. “What do you need help with?”

Seungmin took a deep breath before continuing. 

“Back when I was younger, right after I came out to my family, I wrote this song. The one you read a little bit of the other day,” he explained. “I kept that song with me, always in the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to do anything with it but eventually I decided that I wanted to. The day before I started testosterone, I recorded it. It’s not the best but I did it anyway. Then, it just sat on my computer and it’s still there all these years later.”

He paused, deciding that he should just show Chan what they were working with. The sound of a young Seungmin’s voice filled the studio. Over the years, he had listened to the recording countless times, always tempted to finish the project but never committing to it. 

“It’s beautiful, Min.” Chan told him once the recording came to an end. “Did you want to rerecord it now?”

“Well, sort of. I wanted to see if you could kind of make them like a duet together. With the new arrangement I’ve been working on and this old one.”

“That is definitely something that I could do.”

“After having it sit there for years, I finally decided that this was what I wanted to do with it.” Seungmin said. “I want it as a way to show how far I’ve come and to show that I’ve become the person I’ve always wanted to be.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, pup.” Chan’s smile was so soft that any of the worry that Seungmin was still carrying with him seemed to melt away. “Let me see what you’re working with.”

Excitedly, Seungmin pulled out the finished papers and handed them to Chan, who studied them very carefully.

“The harmonies that you’ve created for this are really interesting.”

“Is that bad?”

“No, absolutely not. It’s incredible. They’re not what I would’ve ever thought to do but I think it is actually going to work so nicely, considering what I know your voice is capable of now.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

After giving Chan the instrumental track that he had created alongside with the voice recording he had created many years ago, Chan sent him into the recording booth. From the moment they started, Chan was so engaged, offering encouraging words whenever a take didn’t go as well as planned. Recording sessions with Chan were always some of Seungmin’s favorites, but there was something extra special about this one. 

Seungmin felt like he was on top of the moon. 

The pair got through the whole song in record time and Seungmin was back in the seat next to Chan. 

“That was brilliant, Min. There’s so many good takes that I can work with. I’m so excited to hear it all together when I’m done.”

“I am, too.”

“It might take me a few days to finish it with how busy we’ve been.”

“That’s okay, hyung. Take as long as you need. I just really appreciate you doing this for me.”

“You know I’d do anything for you.”

And Seungmin knew he meant it. 

— — —

Seungmin was sitting on his bed, mindlessly scrolling on his phone, when Chan walked in unannounced. 

“What happened to knocking?” Seungmin joked as he looked up. “What are you even doing over here?”

“God forbid I miss you.” Chan climbed on to Seungmin’s bed, computer in hand. “I also had something that I wanted to show you.”

“It couldn’t wait until the morning? It’s late and you came all the way over here.”

“You act like it’s across the world and not just a couple floors down.”

“My point still stands.” Chan just rolled his eyes at Seungmin. “What did you have to show me?”

Chan’s eyes light up at the question. “I finished the song.” He is unable to contain the excitement in his voice.

“Actually?” Seungmin’s excitement mimics Chan’s.

“Yes.”

“Well, play it already.” 

He did. Seungmin’s voice, both old and new, flows out of Chan’s speakers. Chan sways along to the song as Seungmin sits there, stunned. It had turned out exactly as he had imagined all those years ago. 

He knew that Chan would do it justice.

“What do you think?” Chan asked when the song came to a close. 

Truly, Seungmin was speechless.

“Hyung…”

Chan looked over and their eyes met for the first time.

“Are you crying?” Chan’s hands flew up to Seungmin’s cheeks, wiping the tears away. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“It’s perfect.”

“Oh, love. I’m glad it’s everything you wanted it to be.” Chan placed a soft kiss on Seungmin’s forehead. 

“It’s just hard to believe that this is all real sometimes. I forget how far I’ve come and this just, it really means so much to me. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Chan replied, shaking his head. “Thank you for trusting me with this and letting me be involved. I’m so proud of you and I’m so lucky that I got to meet you in this lifetime.”

table of contents ᯓ★

profiles

ch 1. first day woohoo!

ch 2. survived

ch 3. you're joking

ch 4. that's enough

ch 5. LOL

Another rejection. 

He can’t say that he didn’t expect it but that didn’t make it hurt any less. It had been weeks of “Thank you for your interest, but you’re not quite what we’re looking for at this time” and “We will get back to you later” with no response later. Despite all the places that Seungmin had applied to, hoping that he would score an internship for his last semester of university, nothing seemed to be working out. 

Sighing, Seungmin just stared at his phone screen as it faded to black. This was one that he really thought could work out. He knew that he wasn’t the most qualified applicant but still. He thought that there would maybe be someone who could see his potential and be willing to take a chance with him. 

It had been multiple minutes since the call had ended yet, he stayed seated in the study room where he had taken it. He wasn’t quite ready to face the world outside of the safe haven he had created in that room. Outside there were plenty of his peers who were getting somewhere with this. They had easily gotten whatever jobs or internships that they wanted but Seungmin just couldn’t. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing wrong. His resume was good, maybe not perfect but it was good enough. He thought that he presented himself well in both his application and on these calls. 

But they all ended the same way. Rejection. 

Seungmin would be lying if he said that it wasn’t starting to bother him. 

It was. 

Thoughts that he had worked so hard to prove wrong seemed to come back full force. The only difference was that this time, he found himself believing them. 

He wasn’t good enough for any of these positions. He wouldn’t find somewhere that wanted him. He would be stuck where he was forever. His degree was going to be pointless because he wasn’t enough. He wasn’t qualified. He wasn’t good. 

He started to accept all of these things as true. There was nothing that was proving them false. Despite all of the effort he had put in to rid these thoughts, they were stronger than ever. To the point where they were bleeding over into other aspects of his life. 

He will never be good enough for his boyfriend. Minho will see how you really are eventually, there’s no hiding it. Minho is so good and all Seungmin was doing was dragging him down. No matter how much effort he put into being better, Minho would always deserve better than him. 

Minho was too good for him. 

Eventually, Seungmin was able to pull himself out of his head enough to pack up his belongings and finally leave the study room. His classes were over for the week and he and Minho had plans to go on a date that weekend. The plan was for Seungmin to go over to Minho’s apartment after class and just spend the weekend there. He had even packed all his clothes and brought them to his class so he didn’t have to go back to his own apartment. 

However. he found himself hesitating. Before he could convince himself not to, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

From Min <3: hey minnie, work is running a bit late today so you’ll probably beat me to my apartment

From Min <3: i know you have your key but i just wanted to let you know anyways

From Min <3: can’t wait to see you later <3

From Seungmin: okay, be safe. heading over to your now, i’ll see you soon <3

With that, he pocketed his phone and started on his way to Minho’s. The pair had been together all four years of university and Seungmin had gone apartment searching when looking for this apartment. It was basically a second home. He was there just as much as he was at his own apartment. They had talked about moving in together but decided that they wanted to wait until they were both graduated. Even being a few years older, Minho had only graduated about a year before. 

Part of Seungmin had always felt guilty, that he was making Minho wait for him as he struggled to keep up. He knew that his thinking was irrational but it didn’t stop those thoughts from popping up from time to time. 

His walk to Minho’s apartment was one of those times. 

Since he knew that route to the apartment like the back of his hand, he was able to let his mind wander. 

He couldn’t help but think that Minho saw Seungmin as something holding him back. It had never been a problem when they were both students, both of them bound to the area around the university. Now, however, Minho had free range of the entire world but Seungmin was still stuck. After graduating, Minho had picked up a job at a local dance studio, teaching dance lessons. Seungmin knew that he loved his job but it wasn’t what he wanted to do forever. He had always talked about opening up his own studio in a big city somewhere. That fit perfectly with what Seungmin wanted – to work at a big law firm somewhere. 

Minho was free.

Seungmin kept him stuck right where he was. Restricting his abilities to accomplish his dreams. 

When he was finally able to shake the thoughts from his head, he was already at the door to Minho’s building. He chose to take the stairs up as Minho only lived on the third floor and the elevator was currently on the fifth. 

Seungmin let himself into the apartment like he had done time and time again. He set his backpack on the kitchen counter and made his way into Minho’s bedroom. Unsure of how much time he had until Minho got home, he grabbed an extra pair of his clothes that he kept in the apartment and decided to take a shower.

Mid shower, he heard the front door open.

“Hey Minnie, I’m home,” he heard Minho call out from somewhere in the apartment. 

“In the shower, I’ll be right out.” He yelled back. 

Quickly, he finished up his shower and changed into the fresh set of clothes. Exiting the bathroom, he found Minho sitting on the bed waiting for him.

“Hi baby,” he greeted from the bed, looking up from his phone. “How was your day?”

“It was fine, how was yours?” Seungmin responded with a shrug before taking a seat next to Minho. He was deliberate with the space he left between them, unsure if Minho even noticed. 

“It was really good. I had my 3 to 4 year old class this afternoon and they were surprisingly really good listeners today. I was able to get through a good amount of the number that we are going to do for their recital.” Minho told him. “Then my teens solo is coming along really well. I really think that she has the potential to place in some competitions this season.”

Seungmin tried to smile and nod along when appropriate but he knew that his smile wasn’t reaching his eyes. He really did care about his boyfriend and how his day was but he couldn’t ignore the little voice in the back of his head telling him that he was just holding Minho back, that he would be achieving so much more without Seungmin in his way. 

Minho seemed to notice how preoccupied Seungmin was, despite him trying his best to hide it. Minho knew him better than that. He always knew.

“Did you hear back from that place that you applied to the other day?” he asked, hoping that the change of topic would help Seungmin refocus on their conversation.

“Yeah.” He didn’t offer anything more.

“How did that go?”

“They said that they didn’t think that I would be a good fit for the company.”

“Oh love, I’m really sorry. Did they say why?”

“Do they really have to?” Seungmin’s voice rose along with his anger. He wasn’t even sure why. He knew that he was misplacing his anger and that Minho had been nothing but supportive throughout the entire process. “I’m not fucking good enough for any of these companies. I’m not what they’re looking for. They all want someone with experience but I don’t even know how to fucking get experience because everyone is turning me down. I’m fucking stuck here.”

It was all bubbling over. 

The weeks of phone calls that got nowhere. The weeks of rejection email after rejection email. The weeks over seeing everyone else in his life accomplishing things while he was stuck in the same cycle that he was never going to get out of.

It had finally become too much for him to handle. 

“I know this process has been so long and so hard on you but you’ll find somewhere. The right place just hasn’t come along yet.” Minho tried to pull Seungmin into a hug but the younger fought him and was eventually able to pull away.

“You don’t get it, Minho!” He was unable to stamp down any of the anger that had flared. “I’m just wasting everyone’s time. I’m wasting all these companies' time with these stupid phone calls. I’m wasting my own time on this stupid degree that I’m never going to get anywhere with. I’m wasting your time by keeping you here and making you deal with all my shit! I don’t get why you don’t hate me. Why can’t you just hate me? It would make everything so much easier. You could finally see that you deserve more than this. You are so, so good and I’m just holding you back from the rest of your life.”

“I could never hate you.” Minho stated it as if it were fact.

“I’d hate me if I were you.” Seungmin knew that he was just fighting to fight, his words didn’t hold as much venom anymore. “I’m the reason you’re stuck here for another year.”

“I’m not stuck anywhere. I’m choosing to stay here with you for one more year. Everything that I want in life, I want to do it with you by my side.” Minho had finally managed to pull Seungmin onto his lap, holding him close as if he were going to run away. “I like where I am now. I like my job, my apartment, and I love my little life with you. It’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life but it’s exactly where I want to be now.”

“You could be doing so much more.”

“I don’t want to. Not right now at least.” He placed a kiss onto Seungmin’s forehead. “There is nothing about my life I want to change right now.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time seeing why I’m worth it to you.”

“I wish I could show you the Minnie that I get to see everyday. The one that wakes up extra early so that you can make me breakfast and pack my lunch before you go to class. The one that always makes sure I’m taking care of myself and will help me do so on the days where it’s hard. The one that always thinks of me. The one that I am so excited to know for the rest of my life.”

“You just deserve so much more.”

“I don’t want more, Kim Seungmin. I want you.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Please let me spend the rest of my life showing you why I love you.” Minho grabbed Seungmin’s chin and turned his head so they were looking each other in the eye. “You are the only thing I want in this life. Why can’t you let me show you how much I love you?”

“Is this really worth it for you?” Seungmin asked, hesitantly.

Chan noticed almost immediately when Seungin started to pull away. It was subtle things at first like not going out to lunch with the group or leaving team movie nights early. Little things that nobody would really pay attention to. 

Except for Chan.

Then Seungmin grew quiet. The normal jokes and sarcastic comments seemed to stop all together. Every moment where he should have had a comeback for one of Minho’s remarks or a comment about Changbin’s actions was met with nothing. The rest of the members would notice it in the moment but forget about it not long after. 

Chan just couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. He was always good at reading all of his members but he was especially good when it came to Seungmin. Seungmin was never the most open, choosing to deal with his problems on his own rather than going to one of the members for help/ So, Chan got good at knowing what he needed. 

Sometimes the answer was that he needed space. After a particularly long day, it wasn’t unusual that Seungmin would find himself alone in his room. Writing in his journal as a way to help him process the day. This wasn’t like that though. Seungmin just felt so much more distant and withdrawn than he usually was. 

Over the course of a few days, Chan also noticed that Seungmin was eating less. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t keeping a close eye on Seungmin. He tried to get him to eat with Chan whenever he ate. Sometimes that looked like Chan making himself and Seungmin breakfast before they left for the company in the morning or Chan offering some of his snack to Seungmin whenever they got breaks during dance rehearsals. He took all of the food that was offered to him but Chan never saw him seek food out on his own. 

Things kept up like this for days. Seungmin was turning down more and more group activities and the bags under his eyes were growing darker with each passing day.

“Have you noticed anything off about Seungmin recently?” Chan asked the youngest, Jeongin, one night when it was just the two of them sitting on the couch after everyone else had gone to bed. After himself, Chan would’ve thought that Jeongin was closest to Seungmin. They were the two youngest in the group and had spent a lot of time together during the early days of the group. If Seungmin had talked to anyone, it would be Jeongin.

“Not really,” the younger said with a shrug. “He doesn’t really hang out with me much lately.”

“That’s what I’m talking about.” Chan responded. “He’s been pulling away and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“It’s Seungmin. You should just let him figure it out on his own.”

Normally, Chan would agree with Jeongin. He had seen this time and time again where Seungmin would have a bad day or two and then he would be back to his normal self. This wasn’t like those other situations. It had been nearly two weeks since Chan had first noticed Seungmin pulling away. It hadn’t gotten any better since then. If anything, it was getting worse. 

“I’m scared of what will happen if I just let it go.” Chan admitted. He didn’t like to say things like that around the younger members but he felt like he didn’t have much of a choice. “This isn’t how it normally is with him. I feel like something is really wrong.”

“Then you should talk to him about it. I know that he trusts you more than any of us so, if he’s going to talk to anyone, it would probably be you. And I know that you’ll take good care of him regardless. I can see how much you love him. It’s kind of gross sometimes.” Chan appreciated the lighter take that Jeongin seemed to have for this conversation.

“Thank you, Innie. You always seem to know what to say.”

“Yeah yeah. Just talk to him. I’m sure you’ll be able to get through to him. Even if nothing is wrong, in the future he will know that he can go to you.” A silence fell over the pair as Chan let Jeongin’s words sink in. Before he was able to talk again, the younger boy stood. “It’s getting late so I am going to head to bed. Don’t stay up too late. Goodnight! See you in the morning.”

Jeongin left, leaving Chan alone in the living room. He stayed seated for a bit longer before deciding that it was time for him to go to bed as well. As he made his way to his own bedroom, he couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling in his chest. 

Before he made it to his own bedroom, he found himself turning around and walking back down the hall, into Seungmin’s room. He was quiet as he entered so that he didn’t wake the sleeping boy. It was a lot harder to slip into the bed with him but he managed to do so without waking Seungmin up. 

With Seungmin in his arms, the nagging feeling went away. Everything was always better when Chan was with Seungmin. He knew that he didn’t say it enough but he hoped that Seungmin knew how much he loved him.

He didn’t realize how tired he was until he felt himself falling asleep only moments after laying down. He tightened his arms around Seungmin one last time before drifting to sleep.

By the time Chan woke up the next morning, the sun was already up and so was the younger boy he was in bed with. Chan wasn’t sure how long Seungmin had been awake for but he was on his phone with his head resting on Chan’s chest. 

“Good morning,” Chan said, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Good morning,” Seungmin greeted, turning his phone off and giving Chan his full attention. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here when I woke up this morning.”

“Ah, I couldn’t help it,” Chan responded with a small shrug. “I’ve missed you a lot recently.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Chan asked. “I’m always going to be here for you baby.”

“I know.”

“Then talk to me. Please. What’s been going on?”

“Just been having a hard time recently.”

“Anything specific?”

“Just feeling bad.” Seungmin shrugs, refusing to meet Chan’s eyes as he talks. “Been having a hard time doing anything really. It’s been taking a lot of energy to even just get out of bed in the morning. And when I’m around everyone I just convince myself that it wouldn’t matter if I was gone. You would probably all be better off without me.”

“Minnie…”

“After all, all I do is make jokes that aren’t really funny. And I’m mean. I would understand if you all hated me. Hell, I barely like myself most of the time. I don’t even bring much to the group either so it’s not like you guys would be losing something without me.”

“I hate that you’re feeling like this.”

“It’s whatever.”

“It’s not ‘whatever’ Seungmin.” Chan gently grabbed Seungmin’s chin, turning his face so that he had no choice but to look Chan in the eyes. “You are so important, not only to the group but to me. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are the kindest person I know. You’re always pulling me home when I spend too long in my studio. You’re always bringing me food so that I don’t forget to eat.”

“Any of the others could do that.”

“But you’re the one who does.” Chan said. “I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else. They wouldn’t be you, puppy. Nobody could ever replace you. If I didn’t have you in my life I would be devastated.”

“You’d get over it.”

“I wouldn’t. I need you. I will always need you. Please come to me whenever you are feeling bad so I can break apart the lies that your brain is telling you. Seungmin, the world is a better place because you’re in it.”

“Chan…thank you for finding a way in even when I’ve been pushing you away.”