the holy hand grenade of antioch

Memorial day: I pretended I didn't know what it was, and I wanted to see how many customers would correct me if I kept referring to it as "America's birthday". Some people wanted to kill me with hammers for this I wont lie

Easter: I pretended to be catholic and would tell people at the register while making small talk that I gave up lying for lent and couldn't lie again until the new year because it's something I've been meaning to work on (not how lent works) (not catholic) (actively lying about lying)

Valentine's day: I invented a fake boyfriend at the beginning of my shift and wanted to see how developed of a character I could create by the time my shift ended with the rule that I could only add to his lore by telling customers things about him out loud (I have a boyfriend named Jake who surfs and is a photography major at UC Santa Barbara who I was going to celebrate Valentine's day with the following weekend because he's on a camping trip in Big Sur with his surf buddies and I also managed to sneak in that hes lived in 2 houses that burned down and that's where his passion for photography comes from, he wants to preserve his memories)

New years: I decided to tell every customer a different new years resolution but I could only make them up on the spot and couldn't say the same thing twice

Marian Williams, “Sleeping Beauty”