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Now I’m imagining shit like “Dick’s first tooth knocked out” with Dick spitting blood on the floor and Diana looking proud behind him and “Dick’s first mind invasion” with big fat tears rolling down his cheeks as J’onn hovers awkwardly and “Dick’s first explosion” with him shook, holding the fragments of one of Ollie’s exploding arrows. Some honorable mentions: “Dick’s first time being waterboarded” (Aquaman hadn’t even meant to do it) “Dick’s first time being impaled” (nobody looked particularly happy in that one) “Dick’s first resuscitation” (in a different handwriting, someone wrote the word “Oops”) and “Dick’s first time being lassoed”

Dick’s entire book is just him going through The Horrors™️. Meanwhile everyone else’s is just like “Wally’s first sugar crash” “Donna’s first team mission” “Roy’s first birthday celebration” “Aqualad’s first time eating pizza” and other silly shit.

Instead of the JL seeing nothing wrong it, I want them to do the thing that bad parents do where they get selective amnesia, and they’re all just like “hmmm I don’t recall this happening.” or “I don’t think that’s something I did” They don’t even really think about it themselves until they actually start going through Dick’s book and they’re just like… “we weren’t that harsh, were we?” But like the only JL member that was even remotely sympathetic to Dick during the horrors of his childhood was Shazam. The JL was just on some crazy wack shit while raising Dick and just decided to forget about it.

Now I’m imagining Dick listening to the others complain about their mentors babying them and whatnot and just breaking the fourth wall to stare at us like he’s Jim from the office. He’d probably be soooo sick of their shit.

This is so sad tf 😭

But I like the selective amnesia maybe combined with them not thinking it was that bad.

Cracking up though at the idea that Dick is hearing everyone around him complain about their respective mentors babying him, then staring off like he’s in the office.

They’re all going through their scrapbooks together, laughing and reminiscing, and then they get to Dick’s, and there’s literally a bloodstain on the first fucking page. The JL founders start to laugh nervously and start awkwardly saying shit like “Wow… looks we kinda overdid it that time… heh, whoops.” except it’s like that for literally every fucking page. It just gets worse as it goes on and even the JL are starting to wonder if they were mind controlled or something during that time, but Dick is just brushing it all off and going “yea that actually really came in handy a few years down the line when Slade tried to waterboard me, lol.” All of his friends are shaking with rage, but there’s not really a way to resolve this, is there? Not unless they want to try to arrest the founding members of the JL for child endangerment and abuse, and who knows how that would impact the rest of the hero/vigilante community at large.

“THEY DID FUCKING WHAT????”

“Don’t overreact guys, I mean if you think that’s bad, then I don’t even wanna know what you would think about that time they accidentally left me stranded in the Watchtower for six days with a broken arm. Or the time J’onn used telepathy to make me think that I was stuck in a microwave and slowly melting for five hours.”

“…….”

“What?”

“… We do not recall the incidents of which you speak.”

“Next you’ll tell me you forgot about how Arthur dangled me over a bunch of sharks. Or when Clark acted like he was gonna toss me into the sun. Or when Ollie put a bomb in my room.”

“They both go boom, Uncle Ollie.”

“Yes but one is a much bigger boom and one a smaller not as big boom!”

No okay but seriously, I can see Roy watching this conversation go down, and all of the Titans are lurking in the background coming up with highly specific revenge schemes against their former mentors.

He blurts out “does anyone else wanna kiss Peter sometimes?”

And the entire room is frozen bc it’s well established the bats have a history of pulling bitches on their teams

And then everyone of the Peter/jaime team just goes “obviously, have you seen him”

In all honesty Bruce had never really intended for Billy to always be a substitute for when Damian was sick or not available to go out as Robin. It just so happened that Billy was almost Always available to fill in as Robin.

Usually he would only have Billy fill in when none of his other children were patrolling, he didn’t need to hear them complaining about him adopting another Black haired Blue eyed child. (He tried it didn’t work) but unfortunately Dick decided to suit up that night and ended up running into Billy and Bruce, Well Robin and Batman.

Bruce: Well Billy I kinda…. Needanewrobin

Billy: I’m sorry what?

Bruce: I need a new Robin but don’t worry it’s not permanent just need a Robin until my Robin gets better

Billy: if this is an adoption thing

Bruce: it doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it

Billy: good cause I don’t want to be adopted

Jack: Oh, she's sitting down. Carrying a baby all day really tires you out. Speaking of which, you haven't met Timothy yet!

Jack, stealing Tim from Janet to show him to Bruce: Look at this piece of heaven that came down just for us!

Baby Tim: bah •_-

Bruce: ...

Bruce, mentally: Yeah, I need to take him home. I need to raise that thing. He's perfect.

- years later-

Bruce, at Jack’s funeral with Tim at his side: I was playing the long game, idiot.

Tim, through tears: What..?

Billy Batson goes undercover in his civilian identity to gather info, because who pays attention to a homeless kid in a bad neighborhood?

Billy, intentionally wandering around the worst parts of Gotham at night alone, thin hoodie and beat up sneakers making it obvious he wouldn't have anyone looking for him if he went missing. He's totally ready to be kidnapped or for someone to offer him a shady job as a goon. And it works! Sorta...

Billy: Uh... what do you want?

Red Hood, gruff but sounding genuinly concerned: Are you alone out here, kid? Where's your parents?

Billy, thinking this is part of the weird kid recruitment strategy: Dead...

Red Hood: Oh... do you need a place to stay? I have a place you can hang at until we can find you something permanent.

Billy, thinking 'we' means the Red Hoods gang: um... yeah, actually.

Billy was expecting a dingy warehouse, maybe something super sinister like kids locked in cages. What he was led to was a... actual orphanage. Like a functional, fully fledged orphanage, with volunteer staff and hot food and everything. Turns out the missing kids in Fawcett have been ending up in Gotham and being almost instantly put into this particular orphanage after being found by Red Hood. The only reason the kids are 'missing' is because of Time Bubble Fawcett City bullshit that keeps messing up the records.

Billy, squinting at a kid he knows for a fact used to live under the overpass in Fawcett: So... Youre not kidnapping kids for a child gang?

Red Hood, who's got like 6 kids clinging to him asking for stories and play time: No??? What- why would you even think that??? I'm a drug dealer not a monster.

When the hero who gives you a better life is a gang leader with more weapons on his person than teeth, it tends to skew who these kids idolize.

The kids beg for stories and sweets and hugs from Red Hood.

Meanwhile, the orphanage's art room has racks of paper mache red helmets drying on the shelves, and red paint and crayons and colour pencils is a top expense.

The kids who have been in gangs, or watched their parents be in gangs ride herd on the others.

No one is the Boss, because clearly Red Hood is, but they're like mini-bosses. Child Lieutenants.

They keep sweets in little baggies, in hidden pockets in their back packs or pants and shoes. Everyone has at least one makeshift shiv.

You never find one of Red Hood's orphan kids alone, they always travel in packs and you might never see the others coming.

They're also fiercely independent and yet clingy to each other, their caretakers and Red Hood.

Billy kind of likes it.

He's not a baby in their eyes.

He's just one of Them.

It very much doesn't convince Billy that Red Hood isn't raising child gangs, but at least he seems to mean we'll while doing it? Everyone seems really happy anyway.

And what child gang fills their library wall to wall with classical literature and picture books and non-fiction?

Billy, flipping through a very worn book about Greek myths: So... you like it here?

Random Kid, fiddling with an old hand held game console: Yeah! Big Red is real nice! He brings us treats! *passes the console to a different kid to take turns*

Billy, nodding: And you're not like... forced to do gang stuff?

Kid: Nope! The Merry Men do it so we can protect each other and Big Red! Wanna join? You could be a Little Red! (Little Reds would be like heads of areas lol)

Billy, putting down the book: Uh... ya know what, sure.

Billy ends up joining the Merry Men and quickly ranks up. He's incredibly respected, and he teaches some of the newer / younger kids who to protect themselves.

Jason doesn't super support the whole Child Gang thing but he can't stop them. They outnumber him like hundreds to one and the whole "would you fight 100 first graders or 10 5th graders" would become very real very fast. He pays for a lot of their expenses, checks in frequently, and when he realizes that Billy "Captain Marvel" Batson joined, he lays off scolding the kids as much. They're in good hands.

They both are extremely tragic characters that always deserve better than what they are given

Both are the punching bag of their respected multiverse and both are severely undervalued and estimated by those around them

-both got stuck in time and oops it's the future now

-Was a little guy but was so good and willing to fight for others that he was chosen to be a Big Guy

-villain is a literal high ranking WWII nazi official

Both start their war against crime by the death of their loved one/ones

Both have similar villains like

Sandman and clayface

Joker and green Goblin

The lizard and Killer croc

Billy is furious, there is smoke coming out of his ears and he is red with anger as he holds his fists and grinds his teeth

Marvel: I… I… I curse you! I CURSE YOU FOR YOUR SINS, YOUR HORRIBLE ACTIONS, I PLACE A CURSE ON YOU, IN YOUR BLOOD!!!

the sky closes, the environment begins to cool and the shadows around you seem to move, threatening to grow and swallow all the light

Marvel: THE DAYS, THE HOURS OF LIFE UNTIL YOUR LAST BREATH WILL BE FULL OF AGONY, YOU WILL SUFFER. WITH EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE, THE FEELING OF GUILT AND REGRET WILL BURN IN YOUR LUNGS, YOUR FACE AND YOUR TIPERS, I CURSE YOU TO A LIFE OF HICCUPING! --

Villain: what...?

Marvel: --A LIFE WITHOUT AIR. YOUR LUNGS WILL NEVER BE FULLY FULL AND NO SENTENCE OF YOURS WILL BE COMPLETE, EVEN IN YOUR SLEEP YOU WILL BE TORMENTED WITH THE MOST DISTURBING SOUNDS THAT YOUR OWN BODY WILL CREATE--

Villain: You dont mean-- *hiccup* --oh... and then marvel leaves after handing the guy over to the police