I ATE MY DAD, I'LL EAT YOUR DAD, FUCK YOU

local matchmaker losing it over yet another unrealistic demand from the clientele 🤣🤣

Concluding that Americans were being forced to endure huge stretches of the year without any obvious social pretext for serving warm bread, a new study published Monday by researchers at Cornell University found there simply aren’t enough occasions where you get to eat rolls. “Our data shows that the vast majority of people would welcome more frequent instances in which a little roll is placed next to their plate, especially when the roll is warm and comes with a small pat of butter that melts right into it,” said lead researcher Arthur Guevara, adding that while rolls remain popular at Thanksgiving, Easter, weddings, and certain steakhouse chains, those opportunities are nowhere near sufficient to meet the nation’s demand.