manifested embodiment of your perfect dream world

when i was born they rushed all the nurses into the room. called the whole hospital. Here’s the baby that doesn’t cry they said

we love to applaud performative masculinity

I was a stoic

Are you a badass enough of a motherfucker to give me a hug

Like what if it actually is poppin at the Farg tonight

"hear me out" and it's a picture of the most fuckable building you've ever seen. c'mon now.

“hear me out” and it’s the fucking dildopolis

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

do i want to come to "the circus"? (apprehensive) describe it with two adjectives first

my doctor told me i have to do PT this fucking sucks

these exercises are sooo monotonous like i keep walking down the same hallway over and over 🙄

who was that.

the fucking fetus in the sink won't accept my insurance