Slime Time

LISTEN I ONLY DO UNETHICAL MAGIC IF ITS REALLY FUNNY

here's the thing. you're not going to be able to master everything. not even if you're a genius. being truly the best at something means something has gone wrong with your brain and the thought of being second best makes you feel sick and drives mastery to the exclusion of everything else

either you're building your life around being the strongest in your narrow field or you aren't. and if you aren't you are never, ever gonna be the strongest

Ringo chuckled, “You mean the elf stones?”

eevee should have a normal type evolution called eeveevee and it's just an eevee but bigger and floofier

I DO NOT WANT A GIGANTAMAX EEVEE I DO NOT HAVE THE INFRASTRUCTURE FOR A GIGANTAMAX EEVEE THE NEXT PERSON WHO SAYS GIGANTAMAX EEVEE IS GETTING PLACED IN A CANNON AND FIRED AT THE MOON

What item would trigger the eevolution tho? A totally ordinary pebble, just a bit bigger?

ROCK STONE

I love this, but consider: Level it up while it's holding an Everstone. The one single 'mon in the entire franchise that the Everstone actively does the opposite with.

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

france has one job in its historical destiny and it's rubbing dirt in anglos' face but ever since they burned their Catholic Bodhisattva Jeanne D'arc, their Catholic god has cursed them to lose to the awful transphobic bog apes forever.

Step back everyone. This post requires the delicate touch of an annoying gimmick blog

Good Lord, the Iranians massacred some Yankee soldiers in Jordan

in 2017 we’re replacing our cerebrospinal fluid with sierra mist

no idea what this means

lemon lime spine