moustalgie

y'know i don't really love how people use "butch" interchangeably with "handy"

*north american approaching lesbian couple* so which one of you is useful and which one of you is the woman

Sorry but the point of this post is that knowing how to drywall doesn't make me masculine, this is not a safe space to talk about your noble butch identity or whatever

SIGNAL!!! BOOST!!! I don't care if this doesn't fit your blog's aesthetic, reblog EVERY TIME!!!

WE'WE ALLLG ONNA DIE

topless mahjong is gonna be the next big thing

your league girlfriend: if we lose this game because of this fucking darius I'm killing everyone in this call and then myself you: babe we can play something else league gf: if I wanted to play something else I would be playing something else your friend who has a job that sucks: [sigh] don't feel like a person today chat you: we can play peak you love peak league gf: no we don't that game takes so long to play and it's not very fun

dogs despise me, even docile ones will attack me. i am not welcome in their holy places.

who is setting direworks off at 4 am dude go to bed

WHOSE DIRE WORKS NEAR COMPLETION AT 4 AM

[feverish, wiping sweat off my brow with a dirty rag] soon. soon it will be complete. my masterpiece is in effect. soon this world will know my name and they will come to rue the day thwy rejected me.. hha.. hahaha.. HAHAHAHA... yes.. its almost ready now.. my machine that lets me kill dogs with my mind.. with this.. i will rule this world like a king

I'm putting together a team... one last job... (jazzy music with a fast tempo and chunky bassline) here's the plan.... (montage of the team actually doing the plan as I narrate the explanation) miss demon lord. You're our grifter... You're gonna go in there and get them talking. Make a distraction, get them looking where we want them too.... miss angel... You're going to be our getaway driver, keep those engines hot for us in case things go loud.... miss dragon you're our technology expert you'll hack the security systems (your dragon fire fries the generator powering them) I'll be the mastermind... I'll be watching from above and coordinating everyone.... and last but not least... dolly fallover. You're our demolitions expert. We need you to get into the vault. (Dolly fallover falls over and there's and explosion behind it)

spoke to my evil maid and she told me i'm not allowed to erect giant evil black obsidian stone pillars and give evil monologues anymore. she said everyone could see up my dress the whole time. she said theyve all been staring at my panties. every time. she said the hero thinks my ducky panties are cute. she actually said that. fuck the prophecy i think i need to just kill myself now instead. i'm ruined.

honestly i thought you were doing it on purpose, why else would you wear cute ducky panties to a monologue event

BECAUSE THEY'RE CUTE AND I LIKE THEM.

[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me today….[grows grave and guarded] they’re conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool