this tweet has been fucking killing me
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@autumnramble
this tweet has been fucking killing me

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oh my god
the funniest part of night watch is vetinari's off screen adventure
You never know what crossover hits you around the corner
For example Marvel and Barrayar

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it’s always a good time to remember that time Ivan Vorpatril got discreetly dosed with Cetagandan anti-viagra right before being “invited upstairs” by 2 beautiful noblewomen, so he improvised some bullshit about it being a matter of Male Vor Honor(TM) to get a woman off 3 times before he himself came, and proceeded to foreplay so well and so thoroughly that he successfully exhausted all of them to sleep and snuck out; and the next day started getting a flood of invites to “private parties” hosted by more noblewomen, including at least 1 who was married.
New Vorkosigan saga crack theory I just came up with:
Ezar made Aral Regent to prevent him from turning the Empire into a democracy.
Yes, I know Cordelia views Aral as more conservative than he thinks he is, but let's review what people think who a) are not from a radically different society and b) have actually known the guy for more than two weeks.
Padma doesn't just say that Aral was more progressive than his father, but that he was "getting... um... strange" and that once you loosened him up "he'd be declaiming revolution in iambic pentameter"*
While Piotr tries to reassure Vordarian that "[his] son will not betray his class" (betray how?), he also straight up says that "he's picked up some damned peculiar radical notions" and doesn't contest Cordelia's description of him as "a revolutionary", merely stating that Aral doesn't view himself that way... but that he'll end up "riding a tiger" if he doesn't commit one way or the other.**
Evon Vorhalas tells his brother that there's nothing secret about Aral's progressivism and "some of the senior Vor officers are scared to death of him"-- not the enlisted men or the ministry lackeys like the one he killed. The other Vor.
And of course Vordarian's coup was partially motivated by the fear of what Aral would do as Regent.
But what did Ezar think?
Ezar lays out everything that makes Aral right for the Regency, against several counter-suggestions of Aral's: rank, age, service, popularity***, being "ruthless enough to hold near-absolute power... and honest enough to hand over that power" to Gregor in the end. We usually read that as "honest enough to hand over that power instead of keeping it for himself", but what if it means "honest enough to keep that power invested in the Emperor", instead of doing something else with it? After all, Ezar points out that Aral genuinely doesn't want to be emperor. Honesty is not required.
Aral doesn't want to be Emperor-- but he leaps at the chance to be Regent and then Prime Minister. "It's the chance of a lifetime. Yes, I want it... I think I could turn down almost any other offer without a blink." He says he wants "to find some way of pulling the best men, from every class and language group and party... make the government... with ability promoted regardless of background"
He suggests both elevating a commoner to Regent and abolishing the Vor class to Ezar's face. And Ezar's response is to comment that Aral always gives him his true opinion. Ezar clearly knows about Aral's political views and does not consider them disqualifying-- indeed, if he wanted someone conservative in the role, he had a number of choices-- but just as clearly he wants his grandson (and no other) to follow him as Emperor.
But Ezar's arguments hinge not on what Aral wants, on what he could accomplish, or any other inducements, but on a) his being the best man for the job, b) his earnest desire to avoid the campstool (by safeguarding it for someone else) and c) an emotional appeal to his honor, that the Regent would be "whatever individual can be persuaded to stand by [Gregor and Kareen] in their hour of need".
Aral says the dire 'what-if' is the same thing Ezar used to send him to Escobar-- but just like Escobar, the argument works. Aral accepts the duty, on his honor.
And the oath he takes as Regent clearly means more than just ensuring Barrayar's, or Gregor's, wellbeing. Aral takes it as a commitment to the form of government as well. Aral himself says, of becoming Regent and constitutional parties, "That is just the sort of thing I will be sworn, on my honor, to prevent. It would not fulfill the spirit of my oath to hand over to Prince Gregor an emperorship gutted of power."
Ezar chained Aral to Gregor and the campstool with his sense of duty, forcing him to find a balance between his progressive ideals and Barrayar's traditional government and power structure-- a struggle that defines the political conflicts in the Imperium for the rest of the series.
*Miles doesn't get it all from his mom lol
**Miles does indeed describe him as the "unshakeable tiger-rider" of Barrayaran politics in TVG.
***and of course being happily married (though I do wonder if Ezar added that one for other reasons, since Aral wasn't married when he hatched this plot)
Miles Vorkosigan is literally the best character of all time. I'm not even joking here guys, this isn't exaggeration to mean "I really like him" no. He's the best character of all time stuck in an out of print 80s space opera book series. And you agree with me. You just don't know it yet.
from that Lilo & Stitch scene. my man just really didn't get a choice about any of this

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Chapter 84 alternate ending:
the sky's kindest, most radiant star
I make (incorrect) reasonings for the Lan Clan’s rules based on Lan Wanji’s actions/reactions to breaking them:
-No Alcohol: Every member of the Lan clan is a lightweight. A “get drunk off of half a shot” level lightweight. Last time they all drank together at fourth uncle’s wedding, the Cultivation world woke up to find a mountain missing. No Lan remembers what happened that night. The mountain has yet to be found.
-No Meat: Last time someone killed an animal in the Cloud Recesses, the sect leader cried for four days straight and had to go into seclusion for the next year to save face.
-Always have good posture: It’s the only thing that helps the congenital scoliosis. Back pain from carrying the team is very common for Lans, the good posture helps. And it makes them look taller, useful for scaring away predators such as party conversationalists.
-Never remove the forehead ribbon: It covers up the Lans’ ridiculously large foreheads. Only one’s destined love or a family member with an equally large forehead could accept a forehead the size of the f*cking sky (that’s why there’s clouds embroidered on the ribbon).
-Don’t go in the restricted section of the library: that’s where they keep the forbidden dark magics capable of destroying the cultivation world. And also the p*rn.
-No licentious acts: the last time a licentious act was allowed, a Lan sect leader ended up emptying the entire treasury and covering up a murder for a woman she just met. Lans, They’re like swans, they mate for life and will happily stick their necks in a guillotine if it would make their besotted smile one (1) time. It’s important to lock that partner down before any flirting is allowed. This is for the Lan’s own good.
-No talking while eating: Misophonia. Mealtime is to be tolerated, not prolonged with unnecessary chatting.
-Venturing out past curfew is prohibited: The Lans’ natural habitat is the Cloud recesses. Their startling white coats evolved for camouflaging themselves in the mists. Only strong Lans are permitted to venture out of the nest for night hunting, as their coat color makes them easy-to-spot targets for larger predators.
-Diet preferences: spicy and complex foods usually come with bright colors and sauces. Much easier to avoid staining the white robes when you’re only eating tofu, white rice, and vegetables.
-Causing noise is prohibited: Ever see those little signs at aquariums that say “don’t tap the glass”? You’ll scare the fish.
-Don’t sneer, shout, grieve excessively, anger excessively, or joy excessively: Too many facial expressions would cause wrinkles. They must maintain their smooth, jade-like faces.
-Obey your elders: The Lans have been crafting increasingly more powerful models of Lan with each new generation. If this rule was not programmed into the Youths, there would be nothing to stop them from total dominion.
-Do not neglect young ones: Especially young Juvenile Lans are very small and squishy (see A-Yuan). With their bright white coat colors, they resemble rabbits or dumplings. If neglected, they will be taken by hawks.
-Do not lie: with all the aforementioned emotional restraint practice, it would be VERY easy to lie convincingly. All the Lan’s generational wealth comes from the actions of one Lan, for whom the “no gambling” rule was invented.
[video by dhtoomey. caption: Breaking news, short kings)
I always say that the thing which sets Sargent apart as a portrait artist is that he draws/paints literally every subject - no matter their gender, social position, life vs representational drawing etc - like he is right that minute realising he's desperately in love with them. And it rules every single time.
Examples pulled just from his Wikipedia page most popular works. Absolutely devastating scenes for bisexuals for over a century
Don't forget the ALLIGATORS. He loves them too.

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The bois are hungry and there’s free food in the ocean
Not wiht the curly straws again...
it's important to be a supportive friend when your bro is having an existential crisis over the nature of his death!