im autistic and gay

Forest Friend and Ocean/Sea Friend Bears!

american evangelicalism is based a lot on Belief in your religion as axiomatic Fact and at the same time a very buddy-buddy view of god where Jesus is like, your cool dad. Both of which are not very good for allowing the numinous and divine "mystery" to exist

So I think we assume people throughout history would default to "things I don't understand are of the devil." when very often they would instead be "things I don't understand are of God."

There's this weird idea that autistics only develop special interests in this very narrow stereotypical STEM-field domain of life, also, which is total nonsense. Of course religion autistics are a thing. Judaism, too, has a lot of room for autistics: you develop very deep spheres of knowledge, about which you argue constantly, and prayer is sung and you get to move back and forth during it rhythmically.

He can only tolerate about 2 different fabrics against his skin.

And can only eat about 5 foods for obvious food texture reasons.

He hums softly and continually.

He never looks at people.

He has a bunch of other people-related sensitivities, like the inability to tolerate a lot of sounds and nearly all perfume smells.

He has about 3 topics of conversation, which are a) tractors, b) agriculture, and c) Rottweilers.

And you know what? He has had a nice long life of being a Rural Farmer and gets along great with other old farmer dudes who want to talk dogs-tractors-farming with him. 

We know this because archeology shows over and over again a great level of care and because these traits are still present - they had to get passed on somehow.  And we know it because we too feel love for others, despite them constantly failing to live up to any ideal whatsoever.

After I realised I was autistic and started exploring what that really meant, I thought back on my life growing up with my dad, understanding him in ways nobody else understood us--even my mom--and about stories like that from his youth, and realised how obviously autistic he is, too. But my grandma loved him and put in the extra care, on top of seven other kids to keep track of, to know what he liked and accommodate his needs.

His family just made room for him. His friends just made room for him. So he could still fit. They didn't know about autism but there was just a little my-dad-shaped space in a bunch of people's lives and that was fine.

And I think about how many people are just like that, and always have been when small communities are left to their own devices. Not all of them, not ever all when it comes to people, but so many. Whether it's someone with thoughts too big for their age who must have been gifted by the divine, or someone so impressively good at one thing that they become a local community resource, or just someone who is extremely serious about unmelted cheese. They still belonged.

We were a little strange or a lot strange, but we were still someone's. And as such we have so often been beloved. Humans, on the whole, take care of what's theirs, or at least try their best; if what's theirs is a bit different then they figure out how to accommodate that in practical ways. It's just not that hard. Whether they ever cared about what autism was or not, or why we are the way we are, we have been loved. That isn't a new concept, and the proposal that it is is horrifying and telling.

My comic for SENSORY: Life on the Spectrum! Organised by Schnumn.

I think it's because it's typically associated with "severe" autism and autistic people with high support needs, so since the most visible autistic activists are not in this category they don't care.

But meanwhile I hit myself on the head every day. Every. Single. Day. I also bite my hands if I don't use my chew necklace. I wish I could stop doing that but apart from saying "not all stims are healthy and you should stop harming yourself" they don't suggest anything. And I'm really scared to injure myself really badly for doing that cause my skull hurts and I feel dizzy.

I do this to express frustration and anger, idk how to do it differently.

Same for agressive behaviors. When I was a child, I hit people when I was frustrated. I remember hitting my grandma's arm and my family having to leave earlier than intended because it was just too much. I was confused and scared and I felt so ashamed.

As I grew up I learnt to suppress these agressive behaviors...and direct them against myself.

I wish there were resources for that but I can't find anything.

Stimming isn't just flapping your hands and jumping. It's biting yourself, it's hitting yourself. It's hitting others. It's banging your head against the wall. Stimming isn't always cute, sometimes it's dangerous.

I just want to learn to stop hitting myself on the head cause it's dangerous and that hurts but nobody talks about it unless it's in meltdowns :( But for me it's not just during meltdowns it's all the time.

Something I've seen suggested by some people that autistic people hit themselves during meltdowns as a way to get deep pressure because hitting is deep pressure. So things like weighted blankets, vests, stuffies, and lap pads can help and so can things like harnesses, braces, tight fitting clothing, and other things that apply pressure to our bodies could possibly help.

Same with biting ourselves. I bite my hands and arms when I'm really overwhelmed (this doesn't happen as often as the hitting especially because I have chewies now and I try to keep them on me) and it has a similar affect because biting ourselves supplies deep pressure both on the area we are biting and on our jaws.

When I'm feeling the urge to hit myself I will use something weighted, chew on a chewy aggressively(especially ones that I can chew with by back teeth because it gives a lot of deep pressure.), Wrap something stretchy around one of my body parts (like one of the stretchy noodles around my arm or hand for example), wrap myself in a blanket, or one of my big go to's if I have a flat stretch of wall is to stand or sit against a wall and just rock back into it kind of gently (or not so gently depending on just how overwhelmed I am). I also head bang which isn't great for my head but the rocking into a wall thing can help with that urge to do that too.

Alternatively you could build a meltdown kit with things that would help you during meltdowns (sensory toys and aids, cards that suggest things to do when you are in a meltdown or after a meltdown, and a pillow for hitting. What goes in a meltdown kit will vary depending on what will help the person who needs it and it might take time to figure out what helps you.

Behold, my DIY stim toy that I made today because I was needing a very specific type of stim.

I can put the ring on my finger to hold the thing steady and tangle my fingers around it (kinda like when playing with the laces on a pair of pijama pants or a hoodie or my hair), or I can hold the end of the string and spin the ring around and around as fast as possible!

My therapist suggested I make a stim box so… yeah