a god-fucking awful quantitative scientist

Okay, Meat Factory is awesome and hilarious, but if they're being harvested for and regenerating absolutely everything, may I suggest an alternative super name: Theseus.

ok well if i can be vulnerable with you for a moment theres a hole in the floor at work and i dont know if it drains to anywhere but i do know ive been pouring old coffee down it for about three weeks now

a coworker saw me do it today and her expression was unreadable

mhm sure you’re pretty as hell but are you creepy. Do you freak people out 

dead dove do not eat in practice

watching death note with my family and after the college entrance episode my mom asked offhandedly if anyone had ever pictured L and light as a couple before. it felt like one single white dove had landed on a crystalline lake in a beautiful pure clearing. no i dont think anyones ever thought of that before

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

yesterday i rolled a joint and immediately lost it and my only comfort has been imagining it traveling chef boyardee style down the stairs and across the walkways to a stoner in greater need than myself

this too shall pass but the fuck was that for

woman on the bus next to me furiously doing a 7x7 rubix cube at a speed that implies she's done this a thousand times. maybe i do understand lesbians actually.

she finished the cube and spent the rest of the bus ride staring dead straight ahead. unmoving. perhaps some kind of cube fuelled robot.