Everyone thinks you’re so casual and confident

Feeling like an outlet extender because everyone seems to find a connection to you but you never feel the same.

I think this has to do with people confusing the connections we make when talking about ideas as a more personal connection than it really is.

These are things I wish I was saying to myself earlier in the disease instead of beating myself up and trying to get over it. Bullet points because I know even reading this can be exhausting (I got your back kiddo)

1. I know it’s hard. It’s hard all the time. You don’t have to pretend to make others feel better. You’re sick. It’s okay.

2. Your body has no problem telling you it’s sick, it’s your mind that pretends like it’s all A okay. Stop letting your head hold you to the expectations you held yourself to before you were sick. You’re sick. it’s okay.

3. Stop guilting yourself for resting. For not reading, talking, learning, creating, moving, thinking, as much as you used to. You’re not dumb, you’re not lazy, you’re not boring or useless. You’re sick. It’s okay.

4. I know none of the “healthy” people say the right things, and you feel the room go stiff and quiet any time you casually joke or mention your illness. Be you and other people will learn it’s okay.

5. I know it’s also lonely af. And you’re trying to shake it off. You try and hang out, and do what normal people do, and you try and pretend you don’t feel like you’re gonna throw up any second. And i know you feel like a weakling any time you let the disease stop you from doing something. But it’s a disease, you can’t just shake it off. You can’t half ass recovery. It’ll be okay.

Sometimes we lose perspective (for me this is almost all the time) we think what our bodies, minds, and heart in this moment is forever. You’re in a season of life. You’re learning. You won’t always be this tired, and you’ll pick up your hobbies again, and you’re not going dumb, that’s the brain fog and that’s going to go away.