Sam reached for the handle of the car door but stopped.
“Where’s Gabriel?” Sam had thought he’d be right behind them.
“He’s stalling, let’s go,” Dean ordered.
“What? No, Lucifer will kill him,” Panic washed over Sam then.
“Lucifer will kill all of us, if we don’t go now,” Dean snapped.
Sam swallowed but climbed into the car.
Gabriel, if you can hear me, don’t try to be a hero. Get the hell out of there. Please.
Sam hoped his prayer reached the archangel.
He turned to look back at the hotel only to see a bright white light pouring from the once dark windows.
“No,” Sam’s voice broke around the word.
Dean glanced into the rearview just in time to see the light fade to darkness once again.
When Sam turned back around, his face was blank, but his eyes were glossed over and distant.
Dean wanted to comfort his brother, but he didn’t know how. They’d lost so many people so many times and yet it never got easier. However, he knew this one would be harder. Sam hadn’t taken to anyone like he had Gabriel since Jess. Sure at first things were rocky with the trickster but that changed quickly and the connection between his brother and the archangel couldn’t be ignored.
When Dean finally pulled off into a motel parking lot, Sam didn’t move.
Dean sat silently beside him trying to find the words. “I’m sorry, Sammy.” Is all that came out.
Sam didn’t respond so Dean climbed out, leaving his brother alone with his thoughts while he went to check in.
Alone in the car, Sam expected to cry but no tears came. He was numb, like his body didn’t believe it was real.
“Why?” Sam whispered into the dark. He didn’t know who he was asking. Himself? God? Gabriel? Perhaps it was for anyone listening.
The sound of a flutter behind Sam caused the younger Winchester to tense.
“Why what, Sam?” Castiel asked, a quizzical look on his face.
Of course Cas was listening.
“Take me back,” Sam begged, his tone no less broken than it had been.
“Take you back where?” Cas’ frown deepened.
“Take me to the Elysian Fields Hotel,” Sam specified. He had to see it for himself.
Cas put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and in the next second they were in the now empty parking lot of the hotel.
“Do you sense anyone, Cas?” Sam really didn’t want to run into Lucifer.
“It appears empty,” Cas answered easily.
Sam forced his feet forward and to the front door.
“Sam, what are we doing here?” Cas questioned as he followed Sam inside and down the hall.
Sam had been in some creepy places in his time, abandoned hospitals, haunted grave yards and yet none of them made him feel the hollow terrified feeling he did in this empty hotel.
He paused in front of the room they’d left Gabriel in. He prayed that Gabriel wasn’t there, that by some miracle it would be Lucifer’s body he found.
He shoved open the door. He stumbled forward towards the body that lay lifeless a few feet away. Sam’s legs crumpled under him as he fell to his knees next to the once archangel. His finger brushed the singed carpet that reflected Gabriel’s wings.
“Gabriel,” Cas spoke in confusion. “What happened?”
“Lucifer,” Sam whispered. “It was a trap. Gabriel showed up and…” the tears finally pricked at Sam’s eyes.
“Dean is praying to me, Sam. we should go back,” Cas reached for Sam’s shoulder before the Winchester could object.
They appeared next to the impala where Dean looked frantic. The worry turned to anger which turned to concern.
“Sam?” Dean knelt next to where his brother was now on his hands and knees in the parking lot. His fingers gripping at the ground desperately.
“What the hell happened?” Dean looked up to Cas for an explanation.
“Gabriel,” Cas answered simply.
Dean’s hand gripped the back of Sam’s head, pulling him in.
Sam held onto his big brother, allowing the tears to fall freely.
“I’m so sorry, Sammy,” Dean spoke into his brother’s hair, unable to offer anymore than that.
The two had never talked about how Sam felt towards the archangel, but they didn’t need to. Just like they didn’t need to talk about how Dean felt towards Cas.
That night Sam didn’t sleep, instead he laid in bed and prayed that he would stop losing the people he loved. Sam was tired of being the one that got everyone he loved, killed. His mom, Jess, his Dad, Dean, and now Gabriel. Why did he have to be so broken? So corrupt?
Just before the sun peeked over the horizon, Sam sent up one final prayer.
God, next time, please just take me instead.
