resident chemist

just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body

what if it was called magic the slathering and it was about lotions and ointments

I had a dream I invented a little toy or two…

washington post fact checkers have given this post three out of five pinocchios

my 12 year brother is talking to his friend on the phone and trying to arrange plans to go over to his house this afternoon and was saying that our dad could drop him off maybe and i just heard him say "well i could maybe come over earlier but my dad is busy sharpening his scythe"

muffled voice coming from the phone speakers: how long till the scythe is sharp

Some days I feel like I’m 29 feet away from a Japanese radish

gonna start making snopes-style responses to urban legends about tumblr