a strange hand to hold

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

dr. macklemore (podiatrist): i fix your granddads toes

the rumors are true: i dont feel very good

what they DONT tell you about clarinets is that you have to fucking build the damn thing every single time. "what instrument do you play" fucking legos man idk

These things happen in my dreams constantly

I’m starting a gofundme to get a mojito

Do care + did ask + you are the brightest shade of sun I have ever seen