The Lady Of Roses

when i was in grade 5 some kid told me the song “wake me up when september ends” was about 9/11 and i believed him until like three years ago

i cried so hard when we watched the lion king in first grade that my teacher called my parents and sent me home early

in high school i was questioned by the principal over drug use because i accidentally left my notebook in the bathroom and a teacher opened it to a drawing of an anime character saying “all i want for christmas is weed” but really i was a repressed nerd and never smoked a weed in my life

i made a joke about anal fissures in front of my extremely religious roommate and i thought she was gonna yell at me but instead she asked what an anal fissure was

i thought hatsune miku was a real person 

tony stark wielded the infinity gauntlet and didn’t even flinch from the pain. both hulk and thanos screamed like lil bitches when they put the glove on. but not my mans tony. nah bitch. he owned those stones. tony stark has the biggest dick energy in the entire mcu. iron man got an iron dick. 

If you have Edison lights you automatically get the guillotine.

this place has a burger that’s topped with like 3 other kinds of meat and tastes like nothing but liquid smoke

guacamole is offered for $1.75

they have a sign up telling you no Wi-Fi talk to each other but they also want you to follow them on Instagram

they have a $17 burger that has “deconstructed” in its description.

All of the beverages are served in mason jars and the only straws they provide, on request, are dry pasta

Menus printed on brown paper that’s meant to look low-fi but actually costs $40 a ream

Your waiter has a man-bun and hotpants on and recommends you the low fat, low calzhigh soy veggie burger for $19.89. Fries aren’t served.

The microbrew menu is 300 pages thick and none of them are good

those ridiculously uncomfortable benches are always placed on a floor designed to make the most noise when you try to leave.

They don’t have a brand name soda fountain but instead carry sodas and colas made from roots and cane sugar. Their AC keeps the restaurant at a comfortable 55 degrees on a 70 degree day while the cardstock menu proudly boasts that they’re made from 100% recycled paper. Extra toppings can cost up to $5 depending on what you get.

The food you order to go comes in a brown paper bag

Restaurant tables are made of recycled wood. The aesthetic of the building is black, silver, brown, and red. Food eaten in is served in loose, small wax paper bags instead of plates. Prices on the menu do not show currency iconography beside them.

Who hurt you people

The Bay Area and SoCal

North side of Chicago

Part of the New Internet Grammar: using question marks not to denote questions, but upturns in voice, so that a tentative statement gets a question mark but a flatly delivered question doesn’t.

why would you do this

It just seems right?

I think my favorite part is that people act like this is so horrible but it’s like?? my brain automatically translates it anyways??? so???

I’ve been translating the ? like that for months and didn’t realise until this post

That is the most hilarious thing i’ve heard all day.

I literally just got dehydrated from all the salt in that one paragraph

I want to know who the 3 presidents are that are ranked lower than Trump

I mean would you really disagree?

Beautiful

reblog to pet the sad cat 　　　　　　 ＿＿ 　　　　　／＞　　フ 　　　　　|  　_　 _ l 　 　　　／` ミ＿xノ 　　 　 /　　　 　 | 　　　 /　 ヽ　　 ﾉ 　 　 │　　|　|　| 　／￣|　　 |　|　| 　| (￣ヽ＿_ヽ_)__) 　＼二つ

The bastard himself

L E G E N D

MANDATORY REBLOG

This sounds like a lot, but it’s true. An estimated 100,000,000 sharks per year are killed, threatening many species with endangerment or extinction.

Scary predators are important to the ecosystem, too. Conservation’s not just about the panda bears.