April

assume people are trying their best, want to be good and treat others well, and that when their behavior doesn’t align with those goals, it’s because of outside factors that are pushing them to their limit

i have a patron who is mean as a snake. won’t respond when you greet her, barks orders at you, and is generally nasty

i couldn’t stand her & dreaded the moment she walked in the door, until i stopped one day & went “wow, to walk around feeling unhappy enough to treat people so horribly every day. what a difficult way to live.”

and so my tactics changed. i made a point to be extra kind & friendly to her. she changed her hair color one day & when i complimented her on it, she was very caught off guard & said “oh, thank you. my whole life i’ve thought i was ugly.”

now we’re at the point where she shows me pictures of watercolor paintings she made & says hi when she walks in the door. she’s not my favorite patron, but she’s perfectly okay. most unpleasant people aren’t inherently rotten, they’re just unhappy & coping with it poorly

I think part of what is making young people lonelier, in discussing why they're increasingly isolated, is that they're so afraid of meeting someone who doesn't hold their same beliefs, and instead of being just core beliefs it is kinda ancillary shit.

It's actually okay to disagree even on social topics! Even on some political ones! But I mean, online you can start with "i love this mutual but they have a really bad/uninformed opinion about x media"

I know this is IMMEDIATELY going to be taken in bad faith, and yes babygirl, you are so right, I DO want you to go make best friends with both the KKK grand wizard AND your nearest nazi leader.

But seriously, as someone who has spent two decades doing community organization: finding ways to connect with different people is so so so important. There are people i follow here who ate 80% smart and their brain falls out of their head 20% of the time and that is GOOD FOR MY MENTAL ECOSYSTEM AND GOOD FOR LEARNING HOW TO BE A PERSON

In this era of ai and anti-intellectualism, the desire for and, especially, the expectation of, being right without trying is at an all-time high. On the political left in particular, there is no match for the social capital of being Correct.

But being right about shit, even being intelligent, is not how people form healthy relationships and communities. Those things are built off of common goals and a steady dedication of care, time, and labor.

Additionally, when you do build true friendships, relationships, communities, you will find that everyone's 20% fail rate is a vital teaching moment for everyone else.

Everyone needs their bullshit takes questioned, and this confrontation is most palatable coming from your bonkers friend Ariana who you once had to stop from putting the electric kettle on the stovetop. She's fucking dumb sometimes and so. are. you.

I think part of what is making young people lonelier, in discussing why they're increasingly isolated, is that they're so afraid of meeting someone who doesn't hold their same beliefs, and instead of being just core beliefs it is kinda ancillary shit.

It's actually okay to disagree even on social topics! Even on some political ones! But I mean, online you can start with "i love this mutual but they have a really bad/uninformed opinion about x media"

I know this is IMMEDIATELY going to be taken in bad faith, and yes babygirl, you are so right, I DO want you to go make best friends with both the KKK grand wizard AND your nearest nazi leader.

But seriously, as someone who has spent two decades doing community organization: finding ways to connect with different people is so so so important. There are people i follow here who ate 80% smart and their brain falls out of their head 20% of the time and that is GOOD FOR MY MENTAL ECOSYSTEM AND GOOD FOR LEARNING HOW TO BE A PERSON

In this era of ai and anti-intellectualism, the desire for and, especially, the expectation of, being right without trying is at an all-time high. On the political left in particular, there is no match for the social capital of being Correct.

But being right about shit, even being intelligent, is not how people form healthy relationships and communities. Those things are built off of common goals and a steady dedication of care, time, and labor.

Additionally, when you do build true friendships, relationships, communities, you will find that everyone's 20% fail rate is a vital teaching moment for everyone else.

Everyone needs their bullshit takes questioned, and this confrontation is most palatable coming from your bonkers friend Ariana who you once had to stop from putting the electric kettle on the stovetop. She's fucking dumb sometimes and so. are. you.