— If it was a warmer day, I would obviously wear lightweight clothes, you know?
My father would look and say that wasn't proper clothing. He'd tell me to go home and cover up.
But the worst part was that he would still whisper in my mother's ear that I was being too forward, too provocative.
There came a point when I wore those overalls from gas station attendants, that way he would leave me alone.
— And he behaved like that with you until what age, more or less?
— I think until about 17-18 years old. Before I started college. He started to be more lenient because I was getting heavier too, right?
Then there was no more reason for him to bother me about the clothes I wore.
I understand him a little. There were a lot of men (at his workplace). And I wasn't malicious at all. I was kind of raised like a son.
— My father just wanted to protect me. But he could have been more careful. Because I wasn't to blame for any of that.
— And when did you start noticing those different looks from the men who came to the store?
— I think I was about 12-13 years old. It was around the time I started flirting with the boys at school.
But I don't know if I noticed it on my own, or if it was because my father started to interfere.
But I thought it was really bad. Those guys looking at me like they were going to eat me with their eyes.
The insults destroyed me. It was a horrible time. I started to hate going there.
— Was your father's behavior like that all the time?
— No. Outside the store he was incredible. He went back to being the father he always was. After I gained weight he stopped insulting me.
But he never laid a hand on me, okay, Caio? Never. There was no physical aggression. It was just name-calling.
— And you don't think that was a type of violence?
— I think it would have been better if he had hit me. Pain from a slipper goes away. But the name-calling, the insults, they still hurt me today.
To keep my father more affectionate with me, to end the name-calling, the insults, I started eating.
— Eating or obeying your father?
— I think that's what I do. He told me to cover myself… I think that's what I still do today. I use food to cover myself… to hide myself?
amandla
izzy806
gummygunk
stormborns
2087
