Hide yo man's! Hide yo ladies! Hide yo friends and significant others! Cause im strutting down the sidewalk all rizzed up with this shit
I got more rizz than you
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
🪼

@theartofmadeline

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@apolyian
Hide yo man's! Hide yo ladies! Hide yo friends and significant others! Cause im strutting down the sidewalk all rizzed up with this shit
I got more rizz than you

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sage of Wind
Sweet nothings ✨
Lip Balm flavors the Genshin characters would like on you
Albedo: Lip balm is a must in Dragonspine, with the freezing temperatures quickly drying out any exposed skin. Albedo has no use for any lip balms but he’s not opposed to sharing yours. He likes stealing kisses after you put on a fresh coat of peppermint lip balm. The mint tingles his lips just as much as your touch electrifies his skin as if you were an electro vision wielder.
Kazuha: Kazuha smelt the sweetness of maple and vanilla before he knew where it was coming from. Before he could wonder too much where the sugary scent was coming from, it appeared on his lips as you gave him a quick peck. Kazuha’s never been one for lip health before, but now his lips are never in the absence of your maple and vanilla lip balm.
Diluc: Diluc prefers to keep any display of affection behind closed doors, but after seeing you drop by Angel’s Share just to say hello to him, he can’t help but give you a little kiss as appreciation. The burst of grape flavor he receives is enough to count down the minutes left of his shift so he can return home to you.
Venti: Venti is a leech for affection. He’s always hugging, holding, cuddling, or kissing some part of you. When he smelt the familiar flavor of his favorite fruit, he couldn’t help but give you an exaggerated kiss on the lips. He pulled away giggling at the slightly artificial taste of green apple. Needless to say, he’s even more affectionate with you afterward.
Zhongli: There’s nothing Zhongli loves more than a nice, steaming cup of tea. A stickler for tradition, one of his favorite tea flavors is honey and ginger and after discovering you own a honey and ginger lip balm, there’s no escaping his grasp. Zhongli constantly asks you to wear it so he can enjoy the flavor on your lips. Although it doesn’t taste the same as his preferred cup of tea, it tastes a little sweeter coming from you.
Xiao: Xiao likes subtle flavors. His preference for subtle blends into his affections. Even when the two of you are alone, he’s too embarrassed to kiss you fully on the lips, instead, he kisses you on the corner of your mouth. Afterwards, he licks the slightly waxy feeling off of his mouth and gets a mouthful of cucumber mint flavoring. His face flushes bright red as he goes back to give you a proper kiss this time.
Childe: One of Childe’s best memories of his home and family is his mother baking fresh cinnamon buns during the first snowfall of the season. Nothing can compare to the taste of his mother’s baking, but your cinnamon roll lip balm makes do. Whenever Childe smells the sweet scent of your lip balm, a clear indicator you just put some on, he’s attacking you with kisses.
Tighnari: Tighnari tends to snack a lot throughout the day, sometimes he doesn’t have enough time for full meals with his duties as a forest ranger and he gets a lot of his hydration from the fruits he snacks on. It was a surprise to him when you gave him a kiss for good luck before he went on one of his patrols and he was met with the fruit taste of fresh peaches. It was all he could think about as he went about his day, wishing he could taste it again.
Cyno: Being in the desert sun for so long tends to dehydrate all parts of Cyno, including his lips. It’s a good thing he has you to come home to. After a long day of his duties, he loves nothing more to be greeted by your welcome home kiss. The taste of your orange blossom and pistachio lip balm lingers on his tongue and mouth.
Itto: It was a surprise the first time Itto gave you a kiss and tasted something sweet on his own mouth afterward. After he figured out where the cotton candy flavor came from, you had to scold Itto for trying to lick your lips with his tongue. You bought him his own cotton candy lip balm to use, but he insists yours taste better as he begs for more kisses. You’re just thankful he’s not outright eating it
can't believe this is their first time meeting

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SAGAU The Wanderer
AU where the characters are self aware that the reader controls them and perceives them as the Creator of Teyvat
---
The Wanderer stared at the group he’s supposed to be traveling with. Every ounce of him is screaming with the urge to run away, or perhaps it's the urge to bash his head against the nearest wall, he can’t tell.
“Is everything okay,” the traveller asks.
The Wanderer clenches his jaw. “There’s four people with Anemo visions on this team.”
Xiao, an adeptus from Liyue. Kaedehara Kazuha, a former wanted criminal in Inazuma. Heizou, head detective from the Tenryou Commission. And now him.
Heizou grins. “We’re the Creator’s Pretty Boys.”
Xiao sighs heavily, as though the weight of the universe rested upon his shoulders as his yellow, lamp-like eyes stare into the void. “It’s our team name.”
---
“Ah! Thank you so much!” The pathetic merchant brushes off his clothes. Seriously, what type of person can’t even take down a few slimes? “Can I know the names of my saviors?”
“My name is Kadehara Kazuha,” the adrift samurai answers pleasantly. A soft, serene smile eases the merchant. He lightly elbows the Wanderer in the side. “And this is my traveling partner…”
“I don’t have a name, you can call me the Wanderer,” he says tensely. He crosses his arms and glares at the merchant. The sorry excuse of a human visibly trembles under his gaze. Good.
Kazuha pinches him on the elbow. “The all-Divine Creator gave you a name, use it,” he whispers harshly, but the serene smile never leaves his face.
He can already feel his face heat up in embarrassment. He should’ve kept one of his old names. “My name…is… Lil Meow Meow.”
---
Paimon is quick to explain to him what’s happening behind the loading screen. “This is an important ceremony all devoted acolytes must perform. Only the worthy pass and can truly call themselves the favored acolytes of the Divine Creator.”
The Wanderer scoffs and crosses his arms. “You think I’m gonna go through some test to prove my worth? The Divine Creator is lucky to even have me.”
The Traveller turns toward him, the smile on their face not matching their murderous gaze. “We all did the ceremony. Now it’s your turn.”
Paimon and the Traveller swiftly disappear in a burst of stars as the loading screen comes to an end. The Wanderer finds himself in Liyue Harbor. As the Creator moves him towards the decorative, stone pond, his ears catch snippets of hushed conversations, far too quiet for anyone else.
“Oh no! He’s a new vision bearer!”
“Not again…”
“Oh archons above, please don’t ever grant my child a vision like this poor soul.”
Before he realizes it, he’s jumping off the sidewalk and makes a big splash as he jumps into the water. He feels himself being forced to swim through the area, collecting fish with his bare hands and plucking lotus heads from their stalks.
He climbs out of the water, dripping wet and thoroughly enraged and humiliated. Luckily for him, the NPCs don’t get to stare at him for too long before he’s whisked away to another teleport point.
Paimon pops out as the loading screen appears once more. “Congrats! You passed!” After seeing the look on the Wanderer’s face, she quickly disappears into her hiding spot once more.
---
“Hey, Lil Meow Meow, can you pass me that stick?” Heizou asks, being annoying on purpose.
The Wanderer chucks the stick at the detective. “Just call me Kuni. The Creator does it all the time.”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Heizou wags his finger. “The Divine Creator officially gave you the name Lil Meow Meow, it would be rude not to use it.”
“I will literally kill yo-”
“Is Twinkle Toes being rude again?” the Traveller asks as they make their way over to their camp for the night, arms full of raw ingredients.
Kazuha follows not to far behind. “Is Babygirl being troublesome again?”
The Wanderer is half a second away from screaming. He pointedly ignores how his face is so red, the Creator could probably fry a Teyvat egg on it. “Kuni! Hell, Scaramouche for all I care now!”
He’s startled by Xiao appearing right beside him in that creepy, stalkerish way the adeptus likes doing. Yellow, lamp-like eyes stare directly into his soul. Xiao’s face is as unmoveable as his mask as he says, “Scaraboobs.”
The Wanderer buries his face in his hands as the camp explodes with laughter. “I am in Anemo hell! Barbatos, take back your vision!”
---
His hands are constantly stained yellow with how many berries you make him pick. The scent of sweetflowers and mint follows him constantly now, sticking to his clothes, his hair, and even his bedding in the teapot. You make him fly for no reason. He’s flown into the middle of the ocean, off of cliffs, onto buildings, almost anywhere in Teyvat. You make him cook. You constantly force him to fight enemies. He’s been electrocuted. He’s drowned. He’s been knocked off a mountain by a Fataui skirmisher of all things.
Yet…
You give him the necessary materials to ascend, even if you make him farm them himself. You take the time to feed him the best dishes to heal him. You take photos of him during sunset and under the night sky. You spend every last primogem you have trying to wish for his “official” weapon. You call him ridiculous names, but it’s always with fondness. You try to pet him through the screen and tell him how much you love him.
You make him do embarrassing, tiring, repetitive, things, but you love him.
And for Kuni, Scaramouche (Lil Meow Meow), whatever you want to call him, it’s enough. He’ll gladly face off any enemy, any domain, any archon, just to earn a scrap of your affection.
SAGAU where Reader was a college student before being isekai'd into Teyvat
Tighnari with a Forestry and Sustainability major Reader. He is always following you around with questions, trying to write down everything you say. He is absolutely horrified when you tell him about deforestation and logging. He’s never seen it happen, but just hearing about the Amazon Rainforest made him angry enough to go on a twenty-minute rant that you needed to calm him down from. Tighnari loves taking you out on his ranger patrols. You truly appreciate and are blown away by the forests of Sumeru and to him, there’s nothing better than your wide-eyed expression of amazement as you find a new plant or stand beneath a giant tree. He would climb any tree, no matter how tall, or face any dangerous beasts just to bring something back that would make your face brighten and break out in a huge smile.
Diluc with a Fermentation Science major Reader. When you first tell him what you were studying at university, he was absolutely floored. He found it baffling and moronic to dedicate four years and a whole course of study, but when you explained its more to ensure that food and drink were fermented safely, he slowly warms up to the idea. You like accompanying him on his business duties as he walks around Dawn Winery to make sure operations are going smoothly. Although he doesn’t partake in alcohol himself, he listens when you suggest different ways of brewing wine and ale or to invest in different flavors. With your advice, his business booms even more than before and Diluc has more money to (not so) secretly spoil you with. (He also has to keep you away from Kaeya who constantly begs to try your latest idea/sample).
Zhongli with a History major Reader. He loves listening to your stories almost as much as you love listening to his. Although, sometimes Zhongli can't help but be slightly horrified at how much bloodshed your world’s history contains. He’s no stranger to wars, but two world wars and a war almost every decade make him shudder. But he is also fascinated by the human progress in your world and the thousands and thousands of cultures. He has so many questions, a lot of them go beyond your area of expertise, but that’s alright. And he has no qualms about answering yours, even if he has to think about the answer for a while. The two of you are content sitting for hours, drinking tea, and exchanging facts.
Alhaitham with a Public History major Reader. Your wide knowledge of history interested him already, but when he found out you wanted to work in archives after university, the man will not leave you alone. He asks you how archives work in your world and is amazed about the different archives your world has (museums, universities, government). Sometimes he takes you to work to show you how the Akademiya handles archives and puts you to work by accident. He feels guilty when he looks over and sees you hunched over large tomes, but his heart swells with joy knowing that you’re interested in the same things as him.
Albedo with a Biology or Chemistry major Reader. Alchemy is far different from modern science, but it shares similar roots. He pries you for every last drop of knowledge you have and you have to stop him so you can take a break. You do enjoy helping him with his research. You help him break down the organic compositions of items and prioritize lab safety over everything. Far too many times you’ve hurriedly had to move stacks of books away from an open flame or stop Albedo from nearly inhaling a chemical. Although ingesting lethal chemicals won’t kill him, Albedo appreciates you caring for his well-being and may or may not keep doing it just so you can chastise him and make sure he doesn’t have any injuries.
Kaveh with a Civil Engineering major Reader. Kaveh instantly relates to your struggle. He understands the all-nighters trying to figure out math problems and draw up blueprints. (Although he is jealous over energy drinks in your world, he wishes he had them when he was a student). Kaveh likes listening to what you did in your classes and all the technology you used, but if you try to offer him advice on his latest architectural plans, he won’t listen. He admires and respects you, but his buildings are his creations and his alone. The next grand building he plans on constructing though, he plans on dedicating it to you.
Venti with a Music Education major Reader. He joins you when you help out at the Church. Although the public typically isn’t allowed to sit in during choir practice, an exception is made for him. He loves watching you help direct warm-ups and conduct songs. And nothing fills his heart with more delight than watching you help the children of Mondstat sing nursery rhymes or hum lullabies to them late at night. He insists on duets, complete with instruments. The two of you harmonizing together draw in the largest crowds in Mondstat, no matter how many times the two of you have performed before.
Kazuha with a Creative writing major Reader makes more sense (but I’ve had this idea for a while and can’t properly write it out ) but Kazuha with a Visual Arts major Reader. You’re a very talented artist considering you got accepted into art school, but you’re also very dedicated and innovative. You’ve always wanted to make your own paint and the land of Teyvat was all too willing to offer you fresh and natural materials to make your own, specific shades. The maple leaves of Inazuma were the exact shade you needed to paint a certain samurai. When you showed your portrait to Kazuha, he was absolutely blown away and honored by your painting. He keeps it close to him as a reminder of your endearment for him. Kazuha now travels through the lands with a new purpose in mind, to find you the best materials for you to paint with.
“i wish i’d never been born at all” 💫
scaramoosh…. i can’t believe he’s releasing soon
a heart’s a heavy burden 🌠
✨✨✨

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sleeping arrangements sagau x reader
(can be read as romantic or platonic )
(they/them pronouns used)
sagau where reader/mc was a college student who developed homesicknesses/loneliness their first semester so their way of curing it was sleeping with a stuffed animal again, and now reader/mc cannot fall asleep without hugging something to their chest whether that be a stuffed animal, pillow, or person
now imagine reader/mc descending into teyvat, a whole new world far, far away from home, but their favorite genshin characters are there to comfort them, but there's only so much they can do, and they quickly notice that reader/mc starts to get dark circles under their eyes and says they haven't been sleeping well recently (bc yeah, they can fall asleep hugging a pillow but it's not a stuffed animal they've grown emotional attached fo)
and of course the genshin acolytes freak out, how could their divine creator not get enough proper sleep? some like ningguang, diluc, and kokomi offer to buy a new mattress, blankets, pillows, whatever the divine creator requires. thoma, albedo, and zhongli constantly brew teas that help aid sleep (or albedo legit trying to make something like melatonin gummies). barbara, yun jin, and venti (and even an embarrassed traveler) try to sing lullabies but nothing really works.
eventually reader/mc confesses that they're used to sleeping with a stuffed animal(s) for comfort; cue the acolytes offering up stuffed animals for their diving creator. klee offers to share jumpy dumpty (imagine reader/mc and albedo falling alseep together with klee in the middle, like a family). thoma makes a stuffed version of taroumaru. childe eagerly offers up a bunch of stuffed animals, ranging from small plushies to the big bear ones, the size of a person (and possibly even one from his childhood, he kept all his old toys for his siblings).
some of the more teasing acolytes; kaeya, ayato, and xingqiu poke fun of the reader/mc, but not too much to hurt their feelings. (they all probably left their own stuffed animal for the reader/mc). others like ayaka and amber think it's the cutest thing ever.
and somehow, perhaps reader/mc was taking a nap one day and one of the acolytes barged into their personal chambers, not knowing, and reader/mc kinda woke up, but was still half asleep, and in their half asleep state just grabbed the person (with inhumane strength) and just pulled them down to the bed with them, tucking the person close to their chest, effectively spooning them. the acolyte is a blushing mess, but wouldn't dare think about moving, and reader/mc is content with their new sleep partner that they end up having f the best nap of their life and even says so when they wake up. when the other acolytes hear what happened, it practically becomes a death match to see who can sleep with reader/mc next as their cuddle partner
renewal and rebirth
Thinking about them….
Them is ageswap au Albedo and Klee bc I’m back at it again with the ageswap aus
In which Klee the spark knight takes in a mysterious child that doesn’t seem quite human. Albedo is quiet and reserved and rare to see in Mondstadt, but you can always tell where he goes by the small snowy trail footprints he leaves behind. (Oddly enough, the footprints are little light imprints of chalk. But the mondstadtians don’t ask questions—their resident spark knight has always been a bit odd.)
Albeducky

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ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴍᴇʟʟ
ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs. thoma, sayu, yoimiya, kazuha, razor, bennett, diona, diluc, klee, albedo, sucrose, venti, childe, chongyun, xiangling, xingqiu, qiqi, xiao, ganyu, itto, gorou, kokomi, ei, yae miko, scaramouche
ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. deadass what i think they smell like cause im a sensitive bitch. mostly silly :) dont ask me how some of these make sense because i dont know !! &:&:@/$:&
and ofc it’s strictly platonic for sayu, qiqi, diona, and klee !!! but you can interpret the other ones however you want, they can be platonic or romantic.
The one who failed and the one who didn’t