Percy Jackson when he kills his math teacher with a pen-sword then finds out his best friend is half-donkey (“goat, Percy, I’m a satyr”) and that he’s the son of Poseidon because of course Gods are real and destroys the St. Louis Arch with help of a weird looking anteater and is on the FBI’s Most Wanted list because his first step-father sucks and goes to Olympus to nearly get flattened to a skid mark by all of his godly aunts and uncles, blows up his middle school gym and finds out his kinda odd friend is his brother and is also a cyclops and his best friend is in a wedding dress trapped on an island in a sea of monsters which happens to be the only place in the world that he can’t control the water and then some girl turns back from a tree, kidnaps 2 powerful demigods from another boarding school after his best friend soon-to-be-once-he-gets-his-head-out-of-his-ass girlfriend falls off a cliff and is singlehandedly the only one who cares about a feral 10 year old son of Hades and illegally follows a quest across several states to find not-girlfriend and has to hold up the world on his shoulders and his best friends mom hates him which is the biggest blow of all and the badass tree girl pledges to be a maiden forever so he for sure becomes the kid of the prophecy of certain death, destroys his second step-fathers high school band hall and gets stuck in a death maze with 3 people who all have massive crushes on him and he does not see it and literally ignites a volcano that causes massive problems across the entire eastern United States and discovers that his mortal enemy Luke Castellan becomes Kronos, his evil grandfather because of course he’s related to the guy who wants to kill him, who has plans to actually destroy the world, ruins his step-fathers Prius and blows up yet another thing and finally hears the prophecy of death and becomes literally invincible by bathing in a river of fire and anchors himself to the mortal world by thinking about “she’s not my girlfriend” Annabeth Chase and finally faces his doom after Olympus gets destroyed and knows that the Gods will blame him for the mess:
Percy Jackson when 4.7 seconds after completing the last Great Prophecy, still in the ripped up orange Camp Halfblood t-shirt and covered in monster goo and blood and dirt, the new mortal Oracle who hit Kronos in the head with a blue plastic hairbrush announces another Great Prophecy and he’s like “no way that’s me” and then goes missing 2 months after finally getting to date his favorite person in the world and wakes up 8 months later with no memory of his life and is at the Roman version of Camp Halfbood because that exists and goes on yet another death quest with one kid whose life depends on a piece of firewood and another who feeds gold to a horse who are both pretty dope if he’s being honest, and ends up being one of the seven halfbloods involved in the next Great Prophecy because of course he is and then as soon as he gets his memory back he falls into literal hell with his girlfriend and raises the evil earth goddess with a nosebleed:
