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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

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@annearachne

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tuck him in Tuesday
tuck him in Tuesday once again
another tuck him in Tuesday is here
Tuck him out 😈
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM
I'M PUTTING HIM BACK
I hired this lizard to stare at you
Bro didnt even MENTION hullabaloo
i think vampires should latch onto their victim's neck like a tick, and just stay there until they bloat & fall off naturally
I- i hate that
furthermore i think the supernatural fandom should use this biological quirk to invent vampire sex knotting the way they did with werewolves and the omegaverse
Since knotting is usually pretty localized to the parts it wants to keep in contact (classic knot -> breeding), I think this implies that knotting vampire penis is now a feeding tool. Maybe it opens like a lamprey
no see you're focusing too much on penes as a concept. technically a vampire's reproductive organs are its fangs/whatever it uses to latch onto its victims. which yes could mimic many real-life bloodsuckers including a lamprey, a tick, or perchance...a mosquito? and of course fandom requires an implicit sexual nature to the act, be it one of breeding, feeding, frenzy, etcetera.
now hear me out:
PROBOSCIS DEEP THROATING

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Harrison Ford for Kirin Lager Beer
remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app
When the male lead and female lead make it to the end of the story without kissing
I know people on tumblr looove stories of underwater cave diving, but I haven't seen anyone talk about nitrogen narcosis aka "raptures of the deep"
basically when you want to get your advanced scuba certification (allowing you to go more than 60 feet deep) you have to undergo a very specific test: your instructor takes you down past the 60+ foot threshold, and she brings a little underwater white board with her.
she writes a very basic math problem on that board. 6 + 15. she shows it to you, and you have to solve it.
if you can solve it, you're good. that is the hardest part of the test.
because here's what happens: there is a subset of people, and we have no real idea why this happens only to them, who lose their minds at depth. they're not dying, they're not running out of oxygen, they just completely lose their sense of identity when deep in the sea.
a woman on a dive my instructor led once vanished during the course of the excursion. they were diving near this dropoff point, beyond which the depth exceeded 60 feet and he'd told them not to go down that way. the instructor made his way over to look for her and found a guy sitting at the edge of the dropoff (an underwater cliff situation) just staring down into the dark. the guy is okay, but he's at the threshold, spacing out, and mentally difficult to reach. they try to communicate, and finally the guy just points down into the dark, knowing he can't go down there, but he saw the woman go.
instructor is deep water certified and he goes down. he shines his light into the dark, down onto the seafloor which is at 90 feet below the surface. he sees the woman, her arms locked to her sides, moving like a fish, swimming furiously in circles in the pitch black.
she is hard to catch but he stops her and checks her remaining oxygen: she is almost out, on account of swimming a marathon for absolutely no reason. he is able to drag her back up, get her to a stable depth to decompress, and bring her to the surface safely.
when their masks are off and he finally asks her what happened, and why was she swimming like that, she says she fully, 100% believed she was a mermaid, had always been a mermaid, and something was hunting her in the dark 👍
The ocean is scary.

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LOL so the other day I was scampering about squeaking and looking for cheese and such when I saw the farmer out in the field and, get this, he was trying to pull a turnip out of the ground, but the turnip was like really big, right, so he couldn’t do it 😅 like he was really struggling. Weak fuckinh farmer. So he calls over his wife and she holds onto his waist and starts pulling too but the turnip is still stuck. So she calls over their kid and she grabs onto her grandma and now all three of them are huffing and puffing but the damn turnip won’t budge. This is one crazy ass root vegetable. So they call over the dog and I’m thinking, girl, this is not going to work. but the dog bites down on the kids pants and starts pulling. It’s like a damn conga line. No dice. The dog starts whimpering and next thing you know the cat wanders over and bites the mutt right on her tail and starts pulling. So I’m laughing my ass off at this point but the cat starts looking at me. And normally we don’t really get on, the cat and me. But there’s this desperation in her eyes. In all of their eyes, really. Like, if I can’t dig up a damn tuber then who am I. What’s the point of it all, if there’s an enormous turnip that’s stronger than me. And I can see the future unfolding in my mind. The cat will never respect the dog again, and dog will never obey the kid, who will probably run away from home to find a new jacked grandma. And the farmers wife will leave him, and the whole damn charade of masculinity will crumble and fall. And I shouldn’t care right. I have no stake in this. This is some funny shit. But how funny would it be if little old me pitched in and the turnip actually came uprooted. I’ve got no ego. nobody respects a gay little mouse in this city. If I don’t make a difference here, no loss. But if I save the day? Can you imagine? Outdid by a mouse? The farmer would be delivering me fresh brie on the daily and the cat would probably have to move to a different area code to escape the mockery. So, in the spirit of cooperation, I grab the cat’s tail, and I give a little tug. Just the one. And I swear to god, it feels like an earthquake. Up comes the turnip, big as a house, and the farmer falls on his ass, and so does his wife, and all down the line. And I hop up on the cats head and scamper up the backs of the team as they catch their breath, and I leap up onto the turnip itself and I take a big bite out of it. And let me tell you: that shit? Tasted like a turnip
trying to couch nap but they’re observing me
I wanted to draw them
their shapes are compelling
are we simplifying them or something
what is this genre of photos called
[image description: 11 photos of various cats trying their hardest to steal a bite of human foods, while their humans hold them back by grabbing their heads, causing them to have funny stretched faces and bug eyes.]
I have started following the journey of a German soccer fan in the US for the world cup
@laeffy the euros have found buc-ee's

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laying down in my own bed after one (1) night in a kind of shitty hotel
giving my cat a churu and helping myself to a frozen gogurt so we can be equally decadent