@nother

Clark: Haha, look Brucie, your own son like me more!

Bruce: Uno reverse Bitch

Dick: Hey, I'm your dad–

Jason & Tim: YOU THE WHO?!

Kon: Boy hush now, that's that girl's baby daddy.

Jason & Tim: The PaPi?!?!?

Kon: Girl, the papi.

Jason: Ouh.

Dick: Hey, I'm your dad–

Jason & Tim: YOU THE WHO?!

Kon: Boy hush now, that's that girl's baby daddy.

Jason & Tim: The PaPi?!?!?

Kon: Girl, the papi.

Jason: Ouh.

Warning: Brutal Honesty and slight swearing but who am I to stop you?

Attempt one:

-Become an acrobat with your parents and start a family act and on the night of your debut piss off a mafia boss and get him to sabotage your parent's acts and then cry extremely loudly until he finds you.

Attempt two:

-Steal the fucking tires off the batmobile.

Attempt three:

-Find out Batman's secret identity.

Attempt four:

-Find out your dad is a criminal mastermind after claiming to be reformed then sew your own suit and leave clues for Batman to find, then become friends with the current Robin and try to surpass him, allowing you to take his spot.

Attempt five:

Wife Vampire: Darling, could you get me an adolescent, perhaps around 23, who's just been broken up with for a bit of saltiness and lives in a studio apartment with a roommate who's a reddit streamer, and has undiagnosed diabetes?

**In the Batcave**

Jon: Woahhh! You guys have a cow?! A T-REX?!

Damian: Obviously, Kent. This is batcow. She is a very loyal and highly intelligent creature. And this is...Batmanasaurus Rex.

Jon: ...Batmanasaurus Rex? *Bursts out laughing*

Damian: *Fuming* That is it's biologically correct name! He is batman in his own world in the Darkverse, father brought him here.

Damian: The point is we have a T-Rex okay? Anyway moving on to the animals that live in the mansion.

Damian: This is Alfred the cat, Ace the german shepherd, Titus the great dane. Along with Goliath, my dragon-bat.

Jon: WOAHHHH THEY'RE SO CUTE–

Damian: Back off Kent.

Jon: *Giving Damian puppy eyes* But they're so cute...

Damian: ...Fine.

Jon: Yes! *Giggles happily and plays with the pets*

Damian: *Watches contentedly*

Bruce: ...I'm proud of you, son.

Damian: F-FATHER?! Ahem, I–I was just allowing Jon to be acquainted with the animals. Yes.

Bruce: Mhm. Alright. Have fun.

Proof:

Batman and Harvey dent - Were public allies in the Gotham elites before the acid incident

Batman and The Hush - Were childhood best friends until Thomas Wayne stopped him from killing his own...parents...???

Peter Parker and Green Goblin (#2) - He and Harry were roommates and best friends until he got driven mad by grief and pressure

Wally West and Hunter Zoloman - Were friends until Wally refused to use his speed to go back in time for Zoloman so he tried to kill Wally's wife...???

Day One (Hide the cause) :

Dick: Okay we gotta hide all the coffee beans and caffinated drinks in the manor. Steph, Dami, you two start on the pantry. Jason and I will start with the kitchen, Duke and Cass will clean out the mini fridges in the training room and around the manor. We can do this. Go team!

Tim: *Walks in with a cup of coffee* Hey guys, whatcha up to? I just went to Starbucks...what...?

Dick: *Top half torso stuck inside a cabinet* ...SERIOUSLY?!

Day Five (Lock him in) :

Damian: Haha, my plan is foolproof!

Steph: ...We just locked his door, stuck a spear through the handles, and barricaded it with a wardrobe, how is this a good plan Dames?

Damian: Now Drake won't be able to leave to get drinks from the manor or leave to buy from outside! *Evil Damian laugh*

Tim: *Sipping an espresso* ...What did you guys do to my door?

Damian: DRAKE?! How did you get out?!

Tim: ...The...window...?

Day Ten (Negotiate...?) :

Bruce: *Sitting Tim down* I know you've grown to be co-dependent on caffeine, but this addiction is really unhealthy, Tim. I'm telling you this because I'm worried about you.

Tim: ...hm.

Bruce: So...the terms are you give caffeine up and I'll...let you have my credit card...?

Tim: I have my Drake fund. Also I already have access to your bank account so...yeah, I'm good, B.

Long story short, they give up and Tim is still happily drinking his coffee to this day. The end.

tysm guys for 100 likes, this is for all my batfam fans who have supported me and my amazing followers!! <3

Pt.1 is underneath <3

Just want all my fans to know how much I appreciate you guys 😭♥️💅

tysm guys for 100 likes, this is for all my batfam fans who have supported me and my amazing followers!! <3

Dick: Okay guys I'm heading out to hang with Wally...and why are you guys looking at me like that.

Damian: *Spins around in his chair like a supervillain* Grayson, your relationship with West is...concerning to say the least.

Jason: ...So like...are you guys fucking or...?

Tim: JASON!

Steph: ...I mean are you guys?

Dick: STEPH!

Wally: *Runs through the front door* Hey guys!

Cass: ...Are you fucking Dick.

Bruce: *Facepalming* Cass...

Wally: ...No, but I'm down for it!

Dick: NO!

Wally: Aw...

Damian: *Cue menacing music and a dark aura behind Damian* ...You are planning on having intercourse with my brother...?

Bruce: Damian, calm down.

Dick: OHMYGAWSH YOU GUYS ARE SO EMBARRASSING *Pushing Wally out the door*

Jason: *Shit-eating grin* Yes we are

Damian: *Being manhandled by Alfred* Let *sniff* me *sniff* go pennyworth—

Alfred: No, master Damian, I simply cannot allow that.

Bruce: *Picks Damian up like a feral cat and brings him to bed*

Damian: How dare you! I am Damian Al Ghul Wayne, grandson of the demon head and heir to the Wayne—

Jason: *Shoves a spoon of soup in his mouth and hands him a Jane Austin book* Shut it, demon spawn.

Dick: *Pats his head* Aw, just hang in there little D, you’ll feel much better soon enough.

Damian: *Glaring daggers at Dick* Be silent, Grayson.

Cass: *Gives Damian a thumbs-up*

Steph: Oh, don't worry Damian! Me and Tim downloaded a bunch of movies for you on your iPad!

Tim: It has a bunch of animal movies, Lion King, Megaladon, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, and a bunch of animes too.

Bruce: It'll only be like this until you get better, son.

Clark: No.

Bruce: You can't tell me what to do, Clark, I'm batman.

Clark: And I'm superman.

Hal: And I'm green lantern!

Barry: And I'm the flash!

Bruce: Your point is...?

Diana: *lassos him and ties him to the JL couch*

J'onn: And we're going to take care of you!

Bruce: NOOOOO!

Clark: *Already bringing him hot soup*

Barry: *Turns him into a blanket cocoon in 0.2 seconds*

Bruce: *Tries to call Damian*

Hal: *Snatches his phone*

Diana: Bruce. You are going to rest and you are going to enjoy it. Capisce?

Bruce: ...Fine.

They all snuggle and rest

Who I think would be friends:

Alfred x Master Splinter

Leonardo x Dick/Nightwing

Raphael x Jason/Red Hood

Donatello x Tim/Red Robin

Mikey x Damian/Robin

Dick: Heyyyyyy little wing~

Jason: What. Happened.

Damian: Pennyworth found some very…notable things...concerning you and Harper...on Archive of our own.

Jason: What. Things.

Bruce: Alright, let's just all calm down—

Tim, Steph & Duke: Trying not to laugh because they are kinda scared of Jason but failing miserably

Cass: …Good for you for coming out of the closet...

Dick: Pft—

Jason: Pulls out an AK-47 DIE MOTHERF—

Barbara: Comes out with a tab on a smut fic Oh Jason~

Bruce: *Looks up from Ao3* ...Tim do you have something you wanna tell us?

Dick: Oh. oh wow. oh my GAWSH MAKE IT STOP AHH MY EYES ARE BURNING––

Barbara: *Takes dick's smut fic away*

Tim: What are you guys even talking about––...oh. Barbara hacked into my Ao3 account didn't she.

Jason: *Laughing hysterically*

Steph: *Laughing hysterically*

Cass: *Shoulders shaking slightly*

Tim: EVEN YOU CASS???

Damian: *Was only given fluff for purposes* ...disgusting.

Duke: Pft–buahahhaha!

Alfred: *Pats Tim's shoulder* you'll be fine, master Tim. Scarred, teased at, and be shown disdain by master Damian, but alright.

Kon, drops in for patrol: Hey you ready to go––