GOOD THINGS ARE COMING!

It's okay if you're 22 and still sleep with a stuffed animal it's called having the cuddlers spirit and it's actually what gets you into heaven

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

kids very badly need [SOMETHING] in their life. i spent a minute thinking about how to word this post because its not quite role models and its not quite structure. the only word i can think of is, like, substance. character. so much of a kids life is Fucking Bullshit and when you give them something solid to latch onto, something for real and something that's worth it, sometimes you see them fucking latch onto it like its the first time theyve had air

my wife and i have started awarding our friends special tokens called “threesome points”. we haven’t told anybody what happens when they get a hundred but it’s gonna be a real treat

I am so sick and tired of having to charge stuff every day of my miserable life!! My phone, my watch, my headphones, my vibrator, my backup vibrator, my emergency vibrator, the ancient cursed amulet of darkness that whispers to me....it's too much!!!