just your average zebra

Lance’s leg shook as he waited to arrive at the next planet. The team was going to a place called Halloweera, as the neutral party in a rivalry occurring between the two types of aliens who lived there. Vampires and Werewolves. Yes, this planet had a name frighteningly close to “Halloween,” has vampires and werewolves, and they’re fighting. They've met so many other types of aliens and planets before, but maybe this time it felt odd because these aliens were seen as fictional creatures on Earth, Lance knew them as such his whole life up until this point, and so many aspects of the situation just hit scarily close to home.

The vampires and werewolves were having issues with one another regarding the full moon. They both needed to go out to hunt for animals each full moon, but kept getting in each other’s way. Running into each other on these hunting nights messed things up because of their scents. Werewolves and Vampires had strong scents which caused the other to lose track of their animal prey.

The team’s job was to bring peace and compromise between the two groups so they could both get what they needed without messing up their hunting plans. Their idea was to divide areas for each type of alien to hunt in. Vampires weren’t to trespass into werewolf hunting territory during the full moon and vice versa. It was a simple plan and the meeting was expected to be short and simple.

---

The discussion went well, and while the two groups were still not quite fond of one another, they agreed on the plan Allura had explained. There was a party afterwards thrown in celebration and to thank the paladins. As Lance stood in a group with a few vampires and werewolves, his mind began to wander and he thought about the beings on this planet, hoped that one day soon they would get along much more peacefully. He watched as they bickered in front of him, and he knew they could achieve so much more if they just worked together.

He would usually be one to flirt at these types of gatherings but now he was in a relationship with Shiro. At the thought of his boyfriend, his attention turned to the black paladin. Shiro and Allura were talking with the leaders of the vampires and werewolves and it seemed to be going well, all of them smiling as they chatted. Lance wanted to be like Shiro, good communication skills and getting along well with all of the aliens they met. At this thought of admiration for his boyfriend, Lance decided to get this group some drink refills to help make a good impression. He asked for their empty cups and excused himself.

As Lance walked over to the refreshments table, he looked around the room at everyone. The werewolves and vampires were all very tall, nearly twice the size of Lance. The vampires had blue skin and red eyes, and the werewolves were furry and had yellow eyes. Very similar to Earth's idea of their appearances. Distracted from taking in all of the aliens, Lance nearly bumped into the small werewolf child standing in front of him. He stopped suddenly and crouched down closer after regaining his balance.

“I’m sorry about that! Wasn’t looking where I was going, huh?” The child said nothing but held out to him what looked to be a piece of candy, a small round shape inside of a shiny blue wrapper. Lance, having a soft spot for kids, accepted the gift and thanked the child. He unwrapped what looked to be red chocolate and put it in his mouth, making an exaggerated noise of approval. “Mmm this is delicious! Thanks!” The child smiled before hurrying away. He must’ve just been shy.

Lance completed his journey over to the drink table and poured the green juice into their cups. He was about to head back to the group when he suddenly began to feel uneasy. The lights and noise of the party were suddenly too much for him to handle. Lance spotted a nearby exit and hurried over to it. He just needed to leave for a moment, he would go back when he felt less dizzy. Lance sat down on the ground of the dim, quiet hallway, but light spots still danced across his vision. He was about to attempt to send a message to the others to let them know where he had gone, when the world suddenly began to turn and everything went black.

---

Lance slowly woke up to the sound of people murmuring behind him. He tried to turn his head to see who it was, but found he couldn’t move. The anxiety this realization brought had made him more alert, and he glanced down to see his arms and legs tied down to a metal table with leather straps. Another glance to the side brought what seemed to be medical tools into his perspective.

Oh no.

A werewolf stepped into his view, smiling menacingly at him with pointy teeth and sounding unsympathetic as he spoke, “Ah, finally awake! I am so sorry we had to meet this way, blue paladin. But we are... unhappy, with the decisions you paladins have come to today. We will not stand to make amends with those vile, blood-sucking monsters. It is time you are shown our perspective.”

“Ya know, you’d be a lot more productive if you just worked together.” Lance tried to speak calmly but his voice came out shaky. He didn’t want to be afraid, but it was obvious that he was terrified. “And what do you want with me anyway?”

Those glowing yellow eyes easily saw right through him. The werewolf smiled deviously, turning to pick up a large needle. “Oh, you will learn soon enough.” He approached Lance with the needle in hand, and all Lance could do was call out for help as loud as possible.

---

Shiro was worried. While the rest of the team has been accounted for, he hadn’t seen Lance recently and couldn’t find him anywhere in the celebration hall or in any of the surrounding hallways and rooms. When that group of aliens notified him of Lance’s disappearance after leaving to get them drinks, he started to internally panic. He was hoping Lance was only using the bathroom or making small talk. But when he checked the suit trackers, blue was the only one completely missing. Shiro sent a message to the rest of the team to meet outside for discussing a plan to find their beloved missing blue paladin.

They were deciding who should go where to check, when they heard two werewolves around the corner talking while walking back to the celebration hall. "I know this plan will work, just keep calm and don't say anything about it." one said to the other.

"And what plan is that?" Allura inquired, stepping towards then with her bayard in hand.

Caught off guard not thinking anyone was around to hear their conversation, the werewolves stood shocked and unsure of what to do. "It's just plans for a surprise party!" one of them blurted out, obviously lying by the change of pitch in their voice. "It's for our friend."

Luckily for the team, Keith wasn't afraid of scaring people into giving information.

The werewolves told them of the plan to turn Lance into one of them, so that the vampires would lose trust in the paladins. They had no reasonable end goal in this plan, they only wanted the paladins to suffer for not giving them what they had wanted. And with the information of Lance's location, they all rushed off to save their friend. The team could deal with the political consequences of what happened later, right now he needed them.

---

It was a small, old building in a forest near the main werewolf territory. They snuck inside and ran to where they heard the sound of rough screaming. They found four werewolves in the room. One strapped to a table in the middle of the room, one injecting something into their arm with a big needle, and two off to the side observing.

The one on the table… it was Lance.

He was covered in fur, not recognizable at first glance. But Shiro would know those ocean blue eyes anywhere. Before they could do anymore harm to him, the paladins took them down and tied them with some nearby rope. It wasn't hard with the lack of security, they probably weren't expecting to be found out.

Shiro approached the table and took Lance's head between his hands while the others cut the straps from his arms and legs. He was crying, speaking quietly and mostly incoherently about the pain he was in. "You're gonna be okay, Lance. We're taking you back to the castle now and Coran will fix you up fast. It's okay, it's okay…" Shiro continued to whisper reassurances as he scooped him up into his arms and carried him out of the building.

It was that time of the year again, when the air got colder and snow began to fall and everybody seemed to get just a bit more cheerful. It was almost perfect. Almost, as Lance would be going through yet another Christmas without a romantic partner to snuggle with by the fire.

Lance sighed as he pulled his navy blue winter coat on. He was heading out to spend time with his friends - Pidge, Keith, Allura, Coran, Hunk, and Shiro. They would all be going to their town’s winter festival together, and Lance knew that would cheer him up and distract him from his lonely thoughts. At least he still had friends to celebrate the holiday season with.

When he arrived at their meeting spot near the entrance, everyone else was already there. “Ah what a surprise, Lance is late.” Keith teased.

“Typical Lance.” Pidge added.

Lance let out a sharp, exaggerated gasp and clutched at the fabric of his coat over his chest dramatically. “I’m wounded, truly wounded.” They all laughed at his usual silly behavior they all knew and loved, some rolling their eyes fondly.

“Alright guys, it’s time to get this fun started!” Hunk announced, turning toward the entrance, the others following behind him.

Before he started to walk with them, Lance felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Shiro smirking down at him. “Don’t worry, I only got here just a minute before you did. You’re not the only one who was late.” Shiro ruffled his hair affectionately before making his way to catch up to the others. Lance couldn’t help but notice the way his heart started to beat just a bit faster, as it always did around Shiro.

The two were utterly, infuriatingly oblivious to it, but they were pining for one another. Everyone else in the group knew it, and had a plan set in motion to get them alone together that night. Lance and Shiro wouldn’t see it coming.

They had a long day of games, food, and rides. At one point, Shiro even won a stuffed lion and gave it to Lance. Although Lance thought it was a bit strange that Shiro picked the blue lion, Lance’s favorite color, rather than the black lion, which was Shiro’s favorite. He thought that maybe Shiro was only playing just to win it for him, but shook that idea away as quickly as it had come. There’s no way he would do that… right?

The group seemed to be running low on energy, now chatting quietly to one another as they walked through the stalls set up by local artists. Lance could tell their lively night of fun and games would soon be coming to a close.

“Hey,” Allura spoke up suddenly, grabbing everyone’s attention, “I heard there’s a hedge maze nearby, we should go through there to end off our night.” she suggested.

“Yes, I hear it’s lovely this time of the year.” Coran added.

Shiro nodded his head in agreement. “That sounds like a good idea, let’s go.”

Allura lead the way, and when they got there everyone stopped outside of the entrance. “After you.” Allura stepped off to the side, the others behind her, and gestured for Shiro and Lance to walk in ahead of the rest of them.

Lance’s brow furrowed and he pulled Hunk roughly to the side, while Allura was talking to Shiro about the supposed history of the maze, which he assumed was at least half made-up. “Dude!” he whispered sharply, “this is so obviously a set-up of some kind, what are you guys planning?”

Hunk looked guilty but tried to hide it, to no avail, Lance knew something was up. “It’s nothing really! We’re all just going to have a nice walk through the maze, that’s it!”

Lance crosses his arms and huffed. “Sure.” he said, unbelieving.

“Just trust me, it’s gonna be fine.” Hunk gave him a reassuring smile and turned back to the rest of the group, dragging Lance with him.

Somehow Lance and Shiro ended up walking together in front of the rest of the group, and he has suspicion that it wasn’t simply mere coincidence. He tried to enjoy the maze for now though, despite his worry. He had never been a fan of the cold, growing up near warm beaches in his childhood. But he had to admit, the dimmed Christmas lights were pretty and the serenity of it all was mesmerizing.

Lance assumed they had been in the maze for about ten minutes, by the time he realized something was off. He stopped in his tracks, looked behind him, and frowned. “Seriously?”

Shiro turned to see what Lance had found, the empty trail behind them where their friends had been mere minutes before. “Where did they go? Do you think they got lost?” Shiro wondered.

“No, actually I think they’re up to something.” Lance mumbled.

“Ah yeah, I knew they were acting kind of suspicious.” Shiro sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know what’s going on with them, but let’s just enjoy the maze for now, okay?”

“Fine.” Lance mumbled, “I’ll enjoy it but I won’t like it.”

Shiro let out a laugh at that, and it warmed Lance’s heart to see and hear such a beautiful thing. He shook his head at his thoughts and continued forward. He was so distracted thinking about this situation, about the others leaving them alone because Hunk knew about Lance’s feelings for Shiro so of course they all set him up, that he hadn’t even realized there was a large root sticking out from the ground on the path in front of him. Lance’s left foot came into contact with it and was bent painfully as he fell forward into the freezing snow. He hissed in pain as he turned onto his back and pulled his leg up to his chest, cradling it. It hurt, and he knew it was at least sprained. He must have looked like such an idiot right now.

“Lance! Are you okay?” Shiro knelt down by his side and pulled The leg of Lance’s pants up to check the injured ankle. “Okay, So I’m guessing this hurts.” he said, cringing at the sight of the already bruising foot.

“Does it really look that bad?” Lance asked, sitting up carefully to get a better look at it. He winced when his leg moved, hissing in pain.

“Here, do you think you can get on my back so I can carry you?” Shiro offered, turning his back to Lance.

Lance rolled his eyes and cursed this awkward situation. “Yeah, hold on.” He struggled to crawl over, but was able to make it without moving his leg too much. “Alright, I’m ready.”

Shiro stood up slowly, careful not to jostle Lance’s body too much, and gripped the undersides of Lance’s legs to keep him steady. “Ready?”

“Yeah. Thanks Shiro.” Shiro turned around and made his way back the way they came. Lance rested his forehead against Shiro’s back, cursing in his mind at the heat rising to his cheeks. He was embarrassed. And, of course, in his typical Lance way of doing things, he started talking to distract himself from the awkwardness of the situation. “So you’re like my hero now, huh.”

Shiro scoffed, but Lance could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, “I wouldn’t say ‘hero’, I’m just carrying you back.”

“Exactly! You’re the only one of our friends who didn’t abandon me in my time of need. Also you’re strong enough to carry me this whole way, you are definitely a hero!”

Shiro laughed. “I guess.”

“You are. Also you’re still helping me even though I was a complete dumbass and got us stuck in this mess in the first place. So I definitely owe you.”

“Lance, you’re not a dumbass just because you tripped.”

“But I should’ve noticed it!”

Shiro was quiet for a moment. “Lance, you said you owe me for this, right?”

“Yes, why?”

“Then pay me back by not talking badly of yourself anymore. You deserve better.”

Lance felt heat rise to his cheeks. And he swore he could see the tips of Shiro’s ears turn a bit pinker, but maybe it was just the cold air causing them to change color.

“Thank you.” Lance mumbled, a tingly feeling in his chest that wouldn’t go away.

“Anything for you, Lance.” The rest of their walk was spent in comfortable silence.

By the time they got back to the entrance, the others were all waiting for them. “Wow. I expected hand-holding, not for Shiro to be carrying you. But congrats to the happy couple I guess.” Pidge mused.

“Uhh… happy couple?” Lance asked.

“Didn’t you two read the note?” Coran asked.

“What?” Shiro asked, confused.

They all stood there in silence for a moment before Hunk explained. “The note we left you at the romantic bench in the middle of the maze, didn’t you see it?”

“We never made it to the center. Lance tripped and sprained his ankle so I carried him back.”

“Uh… what did the note say?” Lance asked.

“That doesn’t matter now!” Allura cut in. “What matters is that Shiro saved your life and it’s time for him to kiss the damsel in distress!”

“What?!” Lance shrieked.

Keith stepped forward then. “Shiro, Lance likes you. Lance, Shiro likes you. I can’t make it any more obvious, just date already.”

“Keith, blunt as always.” Pidge murmured.

Shiro laughed after a moment, “Well this certainly clears a few things up. Now let’s get you a first aid kit, damsel.”

Lance knew he was the weak link, and couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially after what happened during the mission a week prior. He messed up and it could have killed someone. Thankfully, they got the information they needed and everyone got out with no more than a few scrapes and bruises. The angry scolding from Keith and Allura hurt, but the disappointed look he saw on Shiro’s face was what really got to him.

Shiro and Lance had been together for a while now, and their relationship was going very well. But the uncomfortable tension between them since that mission was upsetting. They hadn’t talked much since then, but that also could have been due to their busy schedule as paladins.

Maybe Lance was overthinking all of this. Maybe the lack of sleep was getting to him. Or maybe it was the fact that he was starting to feel under the weather.

He couldn’t sleep well that night after the mission, and instead decided to get some training in. “Some training” ended up being five hours, almost to the point of passing out on the training room floor. Lance thought he would sleep better the next night from the exhaustion of all of that training. However, as always, the universe was out to get him and he ended up training the next night as well. And the next. And the one after that.

Basically, he had only gotten about two hours of sleep each night for the past week, which probably explained why he was so tired during the day. Lance knew this was bad for his body, but he was the weak link. He needed the extra training so he could be useful to the team. Pidge, Hunk, and Coran were incredibly smart, Allura and Shiro had amazing leadership and planning skills, and Keith was a talented fighter. Lance didn’t have any special skills like the rest of them, he was only there to pilot Blue.

“Lance!”

His head shot up and realized everyone was staring at him.

Allura approached him with a furious look, and stopped mere inches in front of him. “Have you been listening to any of this? Do you even care about being a paladin?”

Lance’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “Of course I care.”

Keith then stepped forward next to Allura. “Then why did you look like you were about to fall asleep? Are we boring you?”

“No, I’m just tired.” Lance mumbled. He was already feeling irritable, and a second scolding from Allura and Keith in the same week was definitely not helping his mood.

Before anyone could say another word, Shiro stepped in front of Lance and took control of the situation. “That’s enough. We’re all worn out from these constant missions, so why don’t we take the rest of today to get some rest?”

Allura looked as if she was going to argue, but instead sighed and left the room without another word. The other began filing out afterward, slow and sluggish in their movements. Shiro was right, they all needed a break.

Lance silently made his way to the training room, despite what Shiro said about all of them taking the day to rest. He didn’t deserve to rest, he needed to be a better paladin.

Lance hadn’t even gotten through halfway through the first practice level before he heard someone call out “end training sequence!” He turned to the door and saw Shiro walking towards him with a concerned expression.

“What the hell, Shiro? Why’d you stop it?” Lance bit out. He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, feeling guilty at seeing the surprised and hurt look on Shiro’s face.

“Lance, we seriously need to talk.”

Lance froze, afraid of what was going to come next. Was Shiro going to break up with him? Kick him off the team? He felt himself fall forward to the ground, and then everything went black.

---

Lance woke up feeling refreshed and in a much better mood. He yawned as he sat up, stretching his arms over his head.

“Hey there, sleepy head.” Lance turned and saw Shiro sitting beside his bed with a teasing smirk, holding a tablet in his hands. He must have been looking over information for the next mission.

“Hey, what are you-” It was then that everything came back to him. Lance groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Shiro, I’m really sorry. I was being such an ass earlier and-”

“Lance.” Shiro interrupted. “It’s okay, really. I understand what was going on with you now.”

“You do?”

Shiro turned the tablet for Lance to see. It was displaying his training log for the past week. “You’ve been working so hard, Lance. This shows how much you’ve improved and I am so proud of you for it.”

“Really?” Lance asked, embarrassed from the praise.

“Of course. But you overworked yourself to the point of collapsing. You trained so long every night, and it’s obvious now how little sleep you’ve been getting.”

Lance looked back down to his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to be a better paladin, to catch up to all of you.”

Shiro frowned at that. “Lance, what are you talking about? Why do you think you need to catch up?”

“Because all of you are obviously better than me. You all have these unique, helpful skills you can contribute and I… I have nothing.”

Shiro moved to sit on the bed next to Lance and wrapped him in a tight hug, stroking his hair and peppering kisses to the top of his head. “No, baby, you are so important to this team. I don’t know where you got the idea that you aren’t helpful, but it’s not true. You are so talented with your sniping, it’s because of you that we’ve gotten out of some dangerous situations.”

Lance shook his head. “But I really messed up during the last mission. It was my fault that someone could have been hurt.”

“Lance, everybody makes mistakes. Keith and Allura were too harsh on you and I talked to them about it already. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it too, but we’ve been so busy. I’m sorry, Lance, I really should have gone to you sooner.”

Lance sighed. “It’s okay. Thank you, Kashi.”

Shiro smiled, a fond look in his eyes at the nickname.”Now, how about you and I spend the rest of the day relaxing together?”

Lance nodded. “That would be nice.”

“On one condition, that is. You have to actually get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight. No training.”

Lance hummed in thought and smirked. “I don’t know… I think the only way I’d be able to do that is if I slept next to someone.”

It was one of their days off, which were very rare when in the middle of a war, and Allura announced that they should spend the time having fun and relaxing together as a team. So they all gathered in the common room and began their own activities. Hunk and Pidge were working on modifying some alien device, which is probably their version of fun. Keith was playing Killbot Phantasm I, trying to beat Lance’s score after some bantering over the game only a few minutes prior. Shiro was sitting next to him, watching in amusement. Coran and Allura turned on an Altean television show they had on disc, which Coran claimed was a classic. But the show was, of course, in Altean. So much for “together as a team,“ right?

Lance tried to watch Keith’s progress on the game, eager to get him even more riled up, but was having a hard time focusing that day. He sat at the corner of the couch and watched as everyone did their own thing, feeling lonely despite being in a room full of friends, of family. He hadn’t felt like this in a while, and it was really bothering him. It felt like an annoying itch he couldn’t reach, and the itch was happiness.

Years ago, back on Earth, Lance was diagnosed with depression and ADHD. It explained why Lance tended to be talkative and active, and why he sometimes felt sad or disappointed in himself, or in this case, lonely. It explained why, when it was quiet and things going on in the room escaped his focus, the intrusive thoughts came to him fast. It was why he had such a difficult time falling asleep at night, which led to having a hard time getting up in the morning.

Since Lance had been shot up into space and thrown into this alien war, he experienced so much excitement everyday and it kept his mind and body occupied. Now that they had a moment of peace, it all started to catch up to him.

“I’ve taken so many lives. They were Galra, but… they were people too.” He didn’t mean to say any of it out loud, but by the time he realized everyone was looking at him he couldn’t stop himself. “I’ve seen so many people die in this war because I wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t good enough. How can any of us - how can I sit around like this and relax while innocent people are dying at this very moment? They’re not the ones who deserve this. I am. Why can’t I just die instead of them?”

The words of that last part rang in everyone’s ears. Nobody spoke a word, waiting until they were sure he was done, until he had let it all out. Lance was the only one of them who hadn’t broken down crying and screaming in front of everyone yet, so they let him talk. He was always there for all of them when the emotional pain hurt too much, after all. It was inevitable that his happy facade would come down sooner or later. Now it was his turn to lean on them.

Lance just then realized he had tears streaming down his face. He wiped them away in an angry, rushed motion before letting out an unamused laugh and continuing. “So many children and families… so many good people are tortured, die, and get separated from the people they love. What if it’s my fault? Sometimes I know I could do better on missions but my ADHD makes it hard to focus. Sometimes I don’t sleep at night, my depression getting to be too much. I go through my skin care routine to get rid of the redness on my face from crying and the bags under my eyes… But I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t. ”

Lance’s voice broke with the last word, and he leaned forward, sobbing into his hands. Everyone came closer to him, a warm and familiar hand on his shoulder keeping him grounded. Shiro. He leaned in to hug Lance, a strong and loving embrace, and spoke softly. “Lance, you don’t have to hide behind a mask. You’re allowed to not be okay, especially when you’re dealing with so much as a paladin already. You’re strong enough, you’re skilled enough, but sometimes there has to be sacrifices made. But none of it is your fault.” Shiro pulled away and gave a tight, but reassuring smile.

Hunk then spoke up. “Lance, I’m so sorry. I already knew about your depression but didn’t think to even check up on you to make sure you were okay. Things got so busy and… I’m sorry, I really am.”

Lance shook his head. “No, Hunk. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s fucked up in the head in the first place-”

Coran cut him off. “Lance, no. You need to stop blaming yourself for these kinds of things. Like Shiro said, none of this is your fault.”

He could recall many times in the past when his team had called him names and commented on his intelligence. He knew they were only meant to be light-hearted jokes, that they had no idea how insecure he really was, but it still hurt. He knew he was the lesser paladin, and he knew that hey knew it too.

He growled in frustration and stood up abruptly. “You don’t need to lie to make me feel better. I know I’m not smart or skilled in anything like the rest of you. I’m just going to go train, we all know I need it more than anyone else here. Enjoy the rest of your day off.” Lance’s pace was quick as he made his way out of the room.”

There were glances passed around to one another, concerned about how they missed this, how none of them saw through Lance’s positive facade. To know their happy little goofball was struggling with this… it hurt. He deserved to be as cheerful as he led on to be.

“… What do we do?” Pidge asked, voice quiet and scared.

Hunk pulled her in for a side hug. “I don’t know, but I really hate seeing him like this. Guys, we need to do something.”

Shiro nodded. “He needs us to be here for him, just like how he’s always been there for us. Just because someone is happy on the outside doesn’t mean they are on the inside.” He looked down at his hands, clenching them. “I should’ve seen this before, I should’ve been there for him.”

Of course Shiro was taking the responsibility for this. As team leader, he felt it was his responsibility to look after everyone. But that didn’t mean he had to do it alone.

Shiro felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to meet Coran’s reassuring smile. “We’re all supposed to look out for one another. You don’t need to worry about these things all by yourself, Number One.” Shiro felt himself relax at the nickname.

Allura nodded in agreement. “We’ll all help Lance, together. He may get off track sometimes, but that doesn’t make him a bad paladin. We need to show him how vitally important he is to our team.”

“He does tell a lot of jokes, but they do keep the atmosphere more relaxed. I don’t know what I’d do without his positivity.” Keith admitted. “He’s good at helping plan missions, and really good with his bayard. He has important skills, I don’t understand why he can’t see it.”

Together, they would make sure to show Lance how much they cared for him, and how important he was in their team, that nobody could ever replace him.

However, unknown to the team, Lance had actually gone to Blue for comfort… who connected to the security camera in the common room during their conversation. Lance heard everything, and cried as Blue purred to him in support the whole time.

She would work hard to help him through all of this internal conflict he had going on. They would all need to confront these things later, together. But first, she would let him take a nap in her cockpit for a while.

For now, he could rest peacefully.

*Please consider leaving a comment, they give me lots of motivation!*

> If you enjoyed this fic, please consider buying me a ko-fi!

He doesn’t remember exactly when it began, but at one point Lance grew very self-conscious. It was sometime in middle school when he started with the facemasks and skincare routines. He thought it would make him look better. It did, for a while, but it wasn’t enough. Lance knew he wasn’t thin enough. He weighed more than he should, and maybe that was the problem. Maybe that was why he still didn’t feel comfortable in his own body.

So he decided to start eating a bit less. He would only eat half the amount he usually would.

After a few months, though, he realized it still wasn’t good enough. Maybe he had to eat less.

So he cut out breakfast and lunch, only eating dinner. It was the one meal he always had with his family, so they wouldn’t notice.

Lance felt better about himself mentally. Physically, however, he seemed to be getting worse. He was more tired, had headaches almost every day, and felt cold all the time. It was all just a small price to pay.

Then he was accepted into the Garrison. He was happy and his family was so proud of him for getting in just like Veronica had. But the schedule required all students to be in the cafeteria for each meal. And when Hunk and Pidge decided the three of them should eat together for more “team bonding time”, he couldn’t say no.

He had no choice but to eat with them. But maybe this would be okay. He had lost a lot of weight, after all. It would be okay to start eating just a little bit for each meal again. Maybe.

After eating every meal with Hunk and Pidge for two weeks, Lance decided that he couldn’t handle this anymore. He was getting too heavy too fast, which meant he would be hideous and gross and his only two friends there would leave him.

Lance had to think of something before he got worse. He was currently in his dorm alone, and all of this panic and anxiety about the situation was making him sick. It’s a good think Hunk wasn’t there at the moment, because Lance wouldn’t want him to see this. He rushed to their bathroom and knelt down, releasing his lunch into the toilet.

It was then that it hit him. The food was out of him. Maybe this was how he could solve his problem. He could still eat to prevent anyone from becoming suspicious, and then purge some of it later. Why didn’t he think of this before?

This became routine, continuing even after he found himself shot out into space.

———

Currently, Lance knelt down in front of the toilet of his personal bathroom. He felt disgusted with himself as he, once again, got ready to purge that night’s dinner. He felt bad, knowing Hunk and Coran worked hard on every meal. But Lance just couldn’t let all of that food digest.

I’m pathetic.

Weak.

A sorry excuse for a paladin.

Lance couldn’t help but think about himself this way. What kind of defender of the universe was he if he hated himself every time he ate something? He knew this was bad for his health. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop or get help from anyone, not even Shiro.

The two of them started their relationship soon after they started watching the stars together during the night cycle. Lance would go there almost every night, feelings of homesickness and the fear of the war keeping him awake. Shiro would join him often when he had nightmares and flashbacks. They talked a lot during these times together until one day they just… clicked .

The others knew about their relationship. Despite being surprised that it was Shiro and Lance who got together, they were very supportive.

Lance felt even more guilty about his purging habit since their relationship started because he knew Shiro deserved much better than someone like him. Someone who didn’t do something like this. Shiro deserved someone who wouldn’t keep secrets, who was more attractive, and who was just more useful .

On top of that… Lance knew Shiro was starting to get suspicious. He had seen how his boyfriend looked at him earlier as he left the common room. They all went in there to watch a movie after dinner, waiting for the translator to finish creating English subtitles for the film Pidge picked out. Lance called out a quick excuse over his shoulder as he left, saying he’d be back, and caught Shiro’s worried gaze before the door slid shut behind him.

Lance had been getting more looks like that from him lately, and knew Shiro was worried about him. Lance was sure Shiro would leave him as soon as he found out about this.

He didn’t have time to think about this right now. He had to hurry up, change into his pajamas, and head back before anyone else came looking for him. Lance needed to keep up his facade of being okay. Nobody had the time or energy to worry about him, especially not Shiro.

So Lance, as he did every night, braced himself with one hand on the edge of the toilet before raising the other to his mouth. He stuck his fingers in until they touched the back of his throat, pushing harder to trigger his gag reflex. The action brought up some of the food, but it wasn’t enough. Lance was about to push back once more, but a voice stopped him.

“Lance, stop that!”

Shit. It was Shiro . Lance thought for sure that he’d locked his bedroom door. He didn’t even hear the sound of it opening or Shiro’s footsteps.

Lance quickly pulled his hand out of his mouth and turned towards his boyfriend. Both of them were wide-eyed and unsure of how to take this situation. It was Lance who broke the silence. “Shiro… I…”

He was at a loss of words, however, unable to hold his tears back. Shiro was kneeling on the floor in front of him now, Galra hand comfortingly rubbing circles over Lance’s back. His flesh hand wiped the tears from Lance’s face while he shushed him.

“It’s okay, Lance. It’s all going to be okay. I’m here for you.”

Lance couldn’t help but cry harder at the reassurance, falling forward into Shiro’s chest. They stayed there for a few minutes while Shiro held Lance tight, petting back his hair and whispering calming assurances into his ear.

Once Lance’s cries were calmed down to only sniffles, he pulled away and wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry… I got you shirt wet.”

Shiro looked down to see the dark, damp spot on his shirt. He scoffed and ruffled Lance’s hair to lighten the mood a bit. “Oh, I don’t care about that. Besides, I was just about to change into my pajamas. And… I’m more worried about you right now anyway.”

Lance looked down in shame of what his boyfriend had just seen. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no more of that. You don’t need to apologize. None of this is your fault.”

“But-”

“Lance. Really, it’s okay.” Shiro stood up and offered out his flesh hand to Lance. “It’s late, we can talk about this tomorrow. How about we get changed and go join the others for that movie?” Lance nodded and took Shiro’s hand, standing up to come face-to-face with him. Shiro pulled him in for one last hug before the two of them exited the small bathroom together.

It was that moment when Lance realized that Shiro wasn’t at all disgusted, just worried. And with that final thought, he felt hope for the first time. Hope that, with Shiro’s help, they would finally be able to put a stop to all of this.

*Please consider leaving a comment, they give me lots of motivation!*

> If you enjoyed this fic, please consider buying me a ko-fi!

>>> What I’ll Write

I’m honestly only interested in writing Lance (VLD) angst at the moment. I will accept most ships as long as they involve him in some way. This does include poly ships as well.

I’m open to writing these prompts in alternate universes (AUs) and with your headcanons

I WILL NOT write n/s/f/w

>>> How This Works

Pick a prompt from the bingo card and include as many as the following as you would like in your request:

Ship(s) - specify whether platonic or romantic (or leave it up to me)

Setting/Alternate Universe - if not given then it will automatically be in the canonverse

Headcanons - ex) mental illnesses, sexualities, genders, etc.

Plot - any ideas for situations or whatevs that you want the fic to be centered around

>>> Request Rules

Scratch marks mean I’ve completed and posted the fic already. Blood stains mean I already have an idea/request for the prompt. If a space has either of these, you cannot request a fic with it!

If more than one person sends a request with the same prompt, it will be whoever came first unless I can somehow combine the requests.

Please do not be rude or I will not write your request. Keep in mind that I’m human and it will take time for me to write these.

Please do not interact if you’re an anti.

“Lance seems awfully quiet today.” teased Keith. “Didn’t get enough beauty sleep?”

“Shut up, I’m tired.” he muttered back. He knew it was only a joke, as Keith tended to pick on Lance when he was feeling a bit restless. The uneventful mission must have prompted it. Their so-called rivalry had become more light-hearted bickering as of late, but Lance didn’t sleep well the night before due to a nightmare and just wasn’t in the mood.

“No comeback, Lance? You really must be tired.” Pidge chimed in.

“Alright, enough.” Shiro said. He seemed unhappy with the early mission as well, but Allura wanted to check the ship since they were already in the area. There were more missions than usual lately and they all needed a break, but it wasn’t often that they came across an abandoned Galra ship like this.

The silence that followed didn’t last long, however, as Lance came across an old-looking sentry sitting next to the doorway of a dark room. It appeared to be powerless, so Lance was going to walk past it and into the room. As soon as he walked in, the eyes of about twenty sentries glowed red and he began to back away.

“Guys-” Before he could say anything else, they started shooting at him. “Shit!” he yelled as he ran to duck behind a big metal box in the hallway.

“Lance, what’s wrong?” Shiro asked, now much more alert.

Lance poked his head out to look for somewhere to escape to, but was nearly shot in the head. It looked like he would just have to risk running without a plan. “There’s a bunch of active sentries down here shooting at me. I don’t think I can take them all, there’s too many.”

At that moment, Lance realized there was the sound of things hitting the metal box. Were they using bullets?

“Try to take cover somewhere until we get down there. We’ll be there as soon as we can. Everyone, head for Lance’s location.” Shiro ordered.

Everybody called out their affirmations before the line went quiet again.

The sentries were getting closer and Lance didn’t want to lose his cover, but he didn’t have much of a choice. “Here goes nothing.” he murmured to himself before bookin it down the hallway, searching for another open room to hide in.

Lance should’ve known something was up as soon as he realized some of the sentries were using guns with bullets rather than laser guns. He thought it strange but decided to ignore it. There were more important things he had to focus on at the moment, such as running away from said guns .

He tried to cover his back with his shield, but it was awkward to hold that way. Whose idea was it to make the armor not cover the whole body?

Inevitably, a bullet hit Lance in the right arm and he cried out, almost losing his footing. A room was up ahead, and Lance hoped there would be no sentries inside as he sped up his pace. Right before he got in, another bullet hit him in the left leg. He closed the door behind him and pushed a large box, similar to the one in the hallway, in front of the door to block it.

He collapsed against the wall and groaned in pain, checking his arm and leg to find them bleeding from where he was hit. With laser guns, their heat cauterized the wound right away. Bullets couldn’t do that, and Lance was getting worried at how the blood just wouldn’t stop .

Just then, Hunk’s voice came from the comms. “Lance, are you okay? I’m the closest one to you and I’ll be there in just a minute.”

Lance responded in a strained voice, “I’m in a room now and the sentries are outside. But the sentries have bullets instead of laser guns. I was hit twice and I’m bleeding a lot.”

“I’ll tell Coran to get a pod ready.” Keith said. “Try to put pressure where you were hit.”

“Okay.” Lance was pressing down as hard in both places, but something felt a bit… off.

He was starting to feel unusually dizzy and his vision was beginning to fade. He thought it was because of the blood loss at first, but looked down and noticed some sort of translucent green liquid coming from the bullet wound on his leg.

“What the…” Lance ran a finger through it and brought it up to his nose. There was a strange smell to it that made him feel uneasy. “Guys, I don't think bullets are supposed to leak green stuff.” was the last thing he said before losing consciousness.

When Lance woke up again, he was falling out of a healing pod and into someone's warm arms. The pod felt much colder than usual, and he shivered as he tried to steady his own feet. But it was in vain, as he couldn't find the strength in him to stand on his own, and he had to lean on this person. Lance looked up with blurry vision and recognized the person as Shiro.

Lance groaned when Shiro began to walk, guiding him to a cot near the pod. He helped Lance sit down on it and handed him a water pouch. His throat was much drier than usual and he was feeling a bit nauseous.

After taking a few sips, Lance cleaned his throat and spoke. "I thought pods were supposed to make me feel better."

Shiro huffed out a laugh and laid a hand on Lance's shoulder, then pressed a quick kiss to his hair. "The green liquid in those bullets was poison, Lance. The pod could only heal the wounds, you'll have to wait for the rest of the poison to get out of your system."

At the mention of the older Altean, Lance looked over Shiro's shoulder to find the rest of the room empty. "Where's everyone else anyway?" he asked.

"It's the night cycle right now so they should all be asleep. I called for Coran when you came out of the pod, so he should be here soon."

Lance didn't even realize that Shiro called Coran, he must really be out of it.

Just then, the door opened and said Altean walked in. "Lance, you're out earlier than expected. Lie down so I can run a quick scan."

Lance laid back as Coran grabbed the medical scanner from a nearby table and brought over to wave it over Lance. The bullet wounds are completely healed. However, you're going to experience some fever-like symptoms for about a week while the poison clears out. Until then, you're going to need to get rest and drink lots of water."

"I'm actually feeling really tired . I'll go to my room and sleep for the night." He hopped up off the cot but lost his balance, falling forward.

Luckily, Shiro was there to catch him just as he had when the pod opened. "Not so fast, sharpshooter. You're really weak right now because of the poison. Besides, we need to get some food into you first and then you can rest."

Lance groaned dramatically. "Fine. But you have to carry me."

"That was the plan, you big baby." Shiro teased.

When they got to the kitchen, Shiro set Lance down at the counter and got some of the soup Hunk had made the day before. But when Shiro set it down in front of Lance, he grimaced. "Shiro… I love Hunk's cooking, I really do, but just looking at this is making the urge to throw up very hard to ignore."

Shiro took the seat next to Lance's and patted his knee. "I know you feel bad right now, but can you try eating just a little?" Shiro asked.

Lance picked up the spoon and managed one mouthful before dropping it back into the bowl and covering his face with his hands. "I just want to sleep." He mumbled.

"I know, baby. Just a few more bites." When Lance didn't move, Shiro prompted, "I'll cuddle you all night. I'll even watch one of those silly chick flicks with you."

Lance looked to Shiro with a brow raised, before sighing and picking up the spoon again. "You know exactly how to persuade a man." Lance tried to keep his voice indifferent, but his growing smile gave away his amusement. Shiro snorted and ruffled Lance's hair. The blue paladin swatted his hands away and laughed. "Stop that, you jerk , I might spill the soup!"

Lotor had told them of your secret, that you were a spy this whole time for the Galra Empire. Nobody believed him at first, not after everything you’ve been through with them. But you couldn’t find it in you to lie anymore.

So you gave in. You admitted that, yes, everything Lotor was saying about you was true.

It hurt so much to do this to all of them, Lance especially. You two had been in a relationship for almost a year now. It began soon after the team seemingly “saved” you from the Galra. You two just seemed to click so well together. At first, you only did it because you thought it might help to gather information.

But you’ve come to truly fall for Lance.

The look on Lance’s face broke your heart, but you had no doubt that your confession had completely shattered his. You knew his self-esteem was already bad enough. This was sure to break him, and you hated thinking about it.

But thinking about it was all you could do at the moment, stuck in your own cell now.

So far, every member of the team had come in at least once to see you. Well… everyone except Lance. They all wore looks of absolute disgust and sadness on their faces, shouting things at you in anger.

“We trusted you!”

“How could you do this?”

“You broke Lance’s heart!”

Coran was the only one who didn’t yell. He looked on the verge of tears and spoke in a quiet, shaky voice.

“I’m disappointed in you.”

Every word hurt, made you want to cry, but you knew you deserved it. You didn’t even want to be with the Galra anymore, you just wanted your space family back.

The rest of the team was waiting anxiously on the bridge for their return for nearly an hour with no response to their calls and no luck with tracking them. Then, finally, the crackling of a broken communications line sounded throughout the room and a chorus of relieved sighs followed Hunk’s voice.

“Sorry, everyone. There were some Galra-related issues but we’re okay and we got even more scaultrite than last time!”

“Great job, you two.” Shiro praised. “You can leave the scaultrite in the Yellow Lion for tonight and get some rest. We’ll debrief tomorrow, it’s been a long day.” He then turned to the rest of the team. “That goes for the rest of you as well. We have a lot to do tomorrow so rest up.”

Everyone trudged out of the room, intent on getting some sleep, while you headed towards the Yellow Lion’s hangar. You met Hunk halfway there, who was talking with Keith as they walked to their own rooms.

Hunk paused in the middle of what he was saying to Keith, something about being really tired, when he noticed you. A smile instantly lit up his face as he sped up his pace to wrap you up in a big hug. The edges of the armor always dug into your sides a bit but you never really cared. At the end of the day, his warm hugs always gave you the reassurance you needed to know that, at least for now, you two would be alright. At moments like these, it felt like nothing bad could happen to either of you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Keith roll his eyes fondly. “Have a good night, you two.” he waved over his shoulder as he walked away.

“Night, Keith!” Hunk said before releasing you from the hug and picking you up as he began towards the sleeping quarters. You gasped in surprise at the sudden movement. He carried you bridal style, as he tended to do sometimes when he was in the mood for cuddles. This time, it could have also been because you must have looked too tired to walk much longer. “Let me guess… my room tonight?” he asked.

“If that’s okay.”

“Hey. As I’ve said before, you’re always welcome.”

You’d been sleeping in each other’s rooms almost every night for a few months now. It began a little while after your relationship first started. It always helped the both of you sleep better when you shared a bed. It kept most of the nightmares away, as it was difficult to get a good night’s rest after being shot into space and having to fight an alien war. Still, you couldn’t help but sometimes feel like you were intruding too much at times.

He carried you to his room and even managed to walk through the door with you, though you had to unlock the panel since his hands were occupied. Maybe you were a bit delirious from fatigue, but you giggled the whole time, even when he almost dropped you.

He set you down on the bed and started to take off his armor. You grabbed your pajamas that were left from the night before and stepped into the bathroom to change and brush your teeth. Hunk brushed his teeth after finally getting all of his armor off and getting into his pajamas, then you both got into his bed.

He wrapped his arms around you, he’s always loved being the big spoon, and pressed one final kiss to the top of your head. “Goodnight.” he mumbled into your hair.

You smiled, content with everything in the universe at that moment, as long as you could keep ending off each day like this.