#shangst

‘He said, "Let's get out of this town. Drive out of the city, away from the crowds' 

“Ready to go?” Shiro asked as he closed the back of the vehicle. 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Adam kept his arms crossed over his chest. A friendly smile on his face. 

Shiro grinned at his boyfriend, taking a couple of steps toward him. “That is classified.” 

“You want me to spend our spring break in an unknown location? Are you trying to murder me?” Adam played back, his eyebrows raising in playful suspicion.

Shiro rolled his eyes, “I have told everyone that we are spending break together. Why would I kill my boyfriend of six months during this trip? I would be the number one suspect.”

Adam clicked his tongue, “touché.” 

Shiro released a deep laugh. “Okay get in the car we need to go.” 

“Okay okay, don’t rush me.” Adam opened the car door. Quickly sliding in. 

‘Nothing lasts forever’ 

---

‘He's so tall and handsome as hell’ 

Fingers snapped in front of his face. “Adam! Stop ogling your boyfriend. We have work to do.” 

He waved his hand to his friend. His eyes not leaving Shiro once. “Skin-tight shirts should be criminalized at the Garrison.” 

Shiro was wiping his forehead with a rag. His black shirt clinging to his skin with sweat. Perfect eye candy for Adam. 

Shiro met his eyes, sending him a small wave. Adam waved back, his friend groaning as they dragged him out of the training deck. “I know he’s hot but we still have work to do.” 

Adam let his collogue drag him. He was hot. How did he manage to score Takashi Shirogane? 

---

‘I can see the end as it begins’

“It’s terminal.” 

Adam closed his eyes, trying to stop any tears from falling. He wasn’t the one that needed to break down right now. He needed to be there for Shiro. 

He took a shaky breath. His heart shattered into a million pieces as he forced the next question out. “How long?” 

Shiro sighed. His body curled into himself as he squeezed his hands closed. “Two to five years.” 

Anger formed in Adam’s gut. Two to five years is nothing when you want forever with someone. “This is bullshit!” He found himself standing, the room blurring some due to unfallen tears. “Fucking bullshit!” 

Shiro looked up at him, his face holding an expression of heartbreak and exhaustion. “Adam.” Even his voice was tired. 

Adam found himself pacing. Words spilled from his lips. “Our lives just started! We just graduated what do you mean two to five years?! There's nothing they can do to help? No treatment or medicine?”

“The only medicine they have will simply prolong it. It won’t cure it.” 

Adam’s knees hit the floor, sobs threatening to consume him. “This isn’t fair.” His voice broke on the words. 

Shiro slowly moved toward him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. “I know. I know it’s not.” 

“You can’t leave Shiro. We still have so much to do.” 

“I know,” his voice rumbled in his chest, pulling Adam even closer. “I’ll be here as long as I can.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” 

---

‘I said, "No one has to know what we do.” His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound.’ 

Adam stared up at the ceiling, the only sound filling the room was Shiro’s breathing. His fingers trace random shapes on his exposed skin. Trying to memorize every aspect of him. The feel of his skin, the curve of his body. Everything that made up Takashi. 

It had been half a year since his diagnosis. Since he was told that he wouldn’t live to thirty. He would be lucky to make twenty-eight. 

Adam did his best to remain happy. To move through his everyday life pretending that the love of his life wasn’t on borrowed time. Pretending he wasn’t pissed at whatever sick being or universal thing did this to Shiro. 

He knew Shiro saw right through him. But he remained so calm. So collected. He was the one sick and yet he seemed at peace. Adam was envious of his calmness. How he never seem to worry about how many days he had left. That he was content as long as he was with Adam. 

Shiro stirred some, lifting his head up. Blinking sleepily at his lover. 

Adam smiled at him, running his hand through his hair. “Morning.” 

Shiro leaned into his touch. “Morning.” 

Adam stared at him a bit longer. His heart filled with a mix of love, admiration, and comfort. Feelings Shiro always brought him. “Will you marry me?” 

Shiro's eyes widened, “what?” 

Adam repeated himself, his fingers gently playing with the end of his hair. 

“Yes,” Shiro grinned, pressing his lips to Adams. 

‘Nothing lasts forever.’ 

---

‘Someday when you leave me I bet these memories follow you around.’ 

“I’m going. Everyone cleared me. The doctors said I can!” Shiro took a deep breath, trying to keep his anger at bay. 

“You could die out there!” Adam raised his voice, not caring who could hear them through the walls.

“I’m going to die here! At least let me do something with the time I have left.” 

A tense silence filled the room. Both of their chests rose and fell quickly. Fight after fight had occurred in the last couple of months. Since Shiro put in his application for the Kerberos mission. 

But they had never felt like this. Never felt like it was teetering on the edge. The fragile class they surrounded themselves in finally cracked. 

“It’s the mission or me. You can’t have both.” 

Shiro’s eyes filled with heartbreak, “Adam. You can’t make me choose.” He pleaded. His voice cracked as tears threaten to consume him. 

Adam looked at him with sternness, his mind was made up. No matter how much Shiro begged, he wouldn’t change his position. “Pick one.” 

Shiro closed his eyes, sucking in a tight breath as a couple of tears slipped down his face. “Please.” 

Adam moved, grabbing his bag as he stepped closer to Shiro. A gentle hand cupping his face. “I’ll never forget about you Takashi.” 

A small piece of metal was pressed into his hand. Familiar lips pressed against his cheek. Footsteps moved through the room, a door opened, and then silence. 

Shiro opened his eyes, looking down at his palm. A ring glared back at him. He allowed his body to crumple, releasing screams he had held in for so long. Allowing himself to break. 

---

 ‘Say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend.’ 

“Good work Champion,” a Galran threw him into a cell. Closing the door and waking away. 

Shiro rested his head against the wall, hugging his knees into his chest. He closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. Letting his mind wander.

He smiled to himself as an image of Adam filled his mind. The way he smiled at him, how he said his name. The way his face scrunched up when he was stuck on a problem. The spice of his cologne, how he faintly snored when he slept but never admitted it even when Shiro recorded it. 

He moved his hand against his chest, gripping the two rings that hung on a string. He was going to get home and see Adam again. He was going to make things right. 

-----

Sorry :/ 

Not really this was spinning in my mind for daysssss 

This is also a low-key prequel for my upcoming Adashi fic. That fic will go into more depth with flashbacks and things like that but this does set the tone and stage for how things will start. 

This was based on Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift, I don’t own any aspect of the song, all credit goes to their proper creators. 

Shiro likes long-term space missions so much because Yes SPAACE!!!! and getting to really fly (and in general being more geared towards feeling energetic after dark verses being a “true morning person”—Garrison’s Pseudo Military Schedule or not.)

But something he won’t admit to, and something he probably doesn’t even consciously process: Long-Term missions means he has to be with the same crew from anywhere from several months to a few years. Meaning they’re also with him. Unlike when they’re Earth-Side, there’s not more pressing responsibilities, or his crewmates having other friends and family that they’d rather spend time with during their off hours verses sharing a meal at the cafe or local diner.

Shiro’s not alone anymore.

-

…and then there’s Voltron. These kids and Alteans actually seem to want him around, and not because of only what he can do. The Alteans seem to Get It with needing to bury oneself in work because there’s so much to do that just doesn’t ever stop (and things barely staying just under the surface that threaten to overwhelm when things get too quiet, too calm Too uneventful. Maybe keeping distracted and busy isn’t the healthiest coping strategy. But they get it—they have the same fault. And somehow guarding their hearts and schedules helps him gradually move away from needing that same crutch, too.)

And the cadets actually seem to like him better when he’s not presenting as infallible (like he’s always needed to Before for as far back as he can remember.) They need to play. They want him to play with them. (He still wishes he could be the person he was Before, especially for Keith’s and Pidge’s sakes. But…against all odds and hope, he might actually have a chance to make things right for Pidge. And unlike Before, Keith’s actually blossoming with how things are Now.)

Shiro’s not alone anymore.

Summary: Shangst where Shrio is holding his poisoned lover, Lance.

A/N: @izanagisbitch requested this over a year ago and I completely misunderstood it and wrote something totally different lol (it's quite a few prompts back. Title: Toxic Love). I was rereading some of my old fics and remembered it. So I wrote what they actually asked for 😂 Again, so so sorry!

Trigger warning: posion, sickness, death mention, super sad feelings

~   ~   ~

The leaves rustled loudly overhead. The wind whipped the branches every which way. Animals all around were scattering, fleeing to their homes.

A storm was approaching.

Shiro didn't notice any of this.

His only focus was Lance's struggling breath.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked for the fourth time. Lance rolled his eyes, but Shiro noticed a bead of sweat roll down his forehead.

"Takashi, you worry too much. I'm alright. It's just a- a stomach ache or something" he assured his worried boyfriend. Shiro held up his hands in defeat, but he wasn't totally convinced.

Shiro and Lance had been on a stroll through a nearby village that evening, seeing as how they would be stuck here for a while. They had arrived for a routine checkup on the planet which had recently joined the alliance, but when they had tried to leave, their ship mysteriously broke down. Coran informed them that it could potentially be a few weeks before he could identify the problem and fix it, so they should make themselves comfortable here.

The walk had started out nice. The weather was pleasant. The villagers were more than welcoming. One had even brought them tea to drink on their walk.

But a few minutes after leaving the village on the small dirt path through the woods, Shiro noticed Lance's breath becoming labored. At first he laughed it off, assuming it was from the large meal they had had, but the longer they were out, the harder it was to deny that something was actually very wrong.

They continued to wander down the path that led from the village through the lush forest that surrounded the civilization. Everything was so pretty. It would've been a perfect night if it hadn't been for Lance's obvious discomfort.

"How long do you think we'll be here?" Lance asked, trying to distract himself, and Shiro, from his pain.

"I'm not sure. Coran hasn't figured out what's wrong with the ship yet" Shiro said. Lance smiled broadly as he closed the gap between their hands. He intertwined their fingers and tugged Shiro closer to his side.

"Maybe we'll be here for years" He said. Shiro frowned at the happiness in Lance's voice.

"That wouldn't be good" he murmured in confusion.

"Oh come on, it would be so fun! We could build a house!"

"Build a- Lance you don't know the difference between a phillips screwdriver and a flathead!" Lance, completely undeterred by this, continued.

"Of course we would have to have a front porch with a swing. And a nice sized backyard where we can plant a garden. I'd like to have two bathrooms, but we could make do with just one" He said to himself. Shrio stared at him in bewilderment.

"Wh-" Lance pressed a finger to Shiro's lips.

"Shh. We're just pretending babe. We're not really going to build a house" he whispered, as if it was a secret. Shiro's eyes softened in realization and he chuckled.

"Oh. Well... then I guess we'd need a decent sized kitchen with an island so I can cook you dinner" he pressed a flirtatious kiss to Lance's knuckles. Lance giggled but cut off in a sudden coughing fit.

The wind picked up around them as they paused for Lance to catch his breath.

"Okay, I think it's time we head back" Shiro said nervously. "You might be getting sick" Lance waved him off, though in his current state, doubled over and hacking up a lung, it wasn't very reassuring.

"I'm..." he coughed sharply. "F- fine" Shiro let go of Lance's hand and shielded his eyes as he looked around them, unsure of which way they had come.

When did they wander off the path?

"Let's- Let's head back the way we came" Shiro suggested. Lance nodded, groping around for Shiro's hand. He was too embarrassed to admit that his vision was blurring.

The two turned around and began their trek back toward the village. It was more difficult than they had anticipated, because of the weather.

Somehow neither of them had noticed how dark it had gotten during their walk. Angry looking dark clouds were looming overhead, threatening to break open and pour down on them.

Shiro's heart rate spiked as he continued to tug Lance along what he thought was the path. Everything around them looked the same. They were lost.

"Shiro..." Lance croaked. His began to stumble along, his head lolling lower and lower with every stop.

Shiro glanced over and thought to himself, "His skin is white as a sheet..." Before either of them could mutter another word, Lance collapsed.

~

The next thing Lance new he was laying on his side with his head in Shiro's lap. They had moved underneath a tree to shield them from the downpour that had started at some point.

"Wha-" Lance rasped. Shiro let out a loud gasping sigh.

"Lance! Shh... don't try to talk. Just relax. You collapsed" Lance was suddenly aware that his entire body was shaking uncontrollably. He was both too hot and too cold at the same time.

"What... happening?" Shiro has one hand in Lance's hair, and the other was gripping his hand.

"I- I don't know" There was a clap of thunder overhead. "We need to get back to the castle but..." He trailed off, staring up at the scene around them. The storm was so strong that the forrest has seemingly come to life. Trees swaying, limbs falling, debris flying through the air. "I think we'll have to wait out the storm" Despite being fairly well covered, Lance felt large drops of water splashing his exposed skin. "It's all going to be okay."

Lance listened as Shiro called to the others on his communicator. He couldn't make sense of what they were saying. All he knew was that Allura voice was frantic and she kept repeating several words like "poisoned" and "trap." The world continued to flicker in and out of focus for several minutes before Lance found the strength to speak.

"Shiro" Lance mumbled. His voice was barely audible over the howl of the wind. "Shrio, don't let go of me" he pleaded. He didn't want to frighten Shiro, but moments ago he became aware that he couldn't feel any part of his body.

Shiro searches Lance's eyes for the source of his pain, but came up empty. He desperately wanted to fix this, but he had no idea how.

"I'm here, Lance. I'm here. And I'm not letting you go. I'll get you back to the castle. You're going to be okay. Look, I think the weather is clearing up" he said, trying to stay positive. Lance knew it was a lie.

"I love you" Lance said, teary eyed. "Shiro, I love you"

"I- I love you, too" Shiro said through tears. "You're going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay" Shrio searched Lance's face as he tried to think of something to say, something to make this moment a little less scary. He didn't know what was going to happen next, but he was worried that this might be... That this might be the last moments he and Lance had together.

"Hey, we- we should get a dog" Shiro said, wiping the tears out of his eyes. Lance frowned for a moment, and then a faint smile ghosted his face.

"As long as it's a big one. And she'll... need a friend" he said hoarsely. He weakly lifted his hand to reach for Shiro's face, but he didn't have the strength. Shiro saw this and lifted Lance hand for him. He felt Lance's thin fingers brush against the stubble on his cheek.

"We can build a dog house for them" Shiro continued. "And- and we'll paint the whole house blue. The brightest blue. The neighbors will hate us" Lance made a noise that almost sounded like a laugh.

"We'll be happy" his voice was barely audible. He couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

"Yeah, baby" Shiro said softly. "We'll be happy. Forever. Happily ever after" They both fell silent.

Lance's breaths grew shorter, the pauses between grew longer. His lips fell open as he let out small pained noises. He was in complete agony. The storm continued on around them, though it had let up a bit. Shiro considered making a run for it, but he knew that it was pointless. Lance would never make it. And any movement would cause even more pain for Lance.

It was the hardest decision Shiro ever had to make.

Through the deafening sounds of the rain, Lance could hear Shiro singing softly in his ear.

~

When the others finally found them, the storm had long passed. The morning light bathed the spot that Shiro and Lance were huddled. Allura sprinted to them with a questioning face.

Shiro cranes his neck to look at her. His face had smears of dirt and tracks of tears. He looked beyond exhausted.

"Shiro...?"Allura said questioningly. Shiro smiled weakly, more tears dripping down his nose, falling onto the boy clutched in his arms. He shook his head, his face breaking.

Shiro shouldn’t have chased after Lance- not after realizing that Lance and his clone were in a relationship. Shiro should have sat down and thought this through, he should have taken a goddamn breath and asked himself how the hell this would affect their current friendship now. 

But he didn’t- Shiro approached Lance against his or anyone’s better judgment. 

He found the somber boy in the training room. Now it was obvious why he’s always looking so heartbroken whenever he looked at Shiro. He wasn’t seeing Shiro, he was seeing it. 

And even when Shiro asked Lance how he felt about the real Shiro, he never expected for Lance’s words to carry so much weight. And Shiro didn’t want to humor this obviously blind crush. Lance wanted to explain at first, but then Shiro didn’t want to understand. 

How could Shiro possibly understand that while he was barely existing, Lance had not only befriended a fake version of himself, but fallen in love with him? That wasn’t the real Shiro- it was a clone and they weren’t the same person. How could Lance catch feelings for that? It didn’t make sense- Shiro didn’t want Lance’s love- especially when that love was never directed to him in the first place. 

It was exactly why Shiro couldn’t delay this conversation any longer. 

They stood opposite each other- thick silence in the air. Lance reached out, and Shiro stepped back. Where was this going? 

“Close your eyes,” Lance instructed the man, his voice borderline on a whisper, “Give me your hand,”

Shiro hesitated, but after staring at Lance’s outreached palm for the better half of a dobash, he finally rested his hand in the blue paladin’s grip. Lance curled his fingers around Shiro’s- the gesture so intimate and strange that Shiro nearly snatched his hand away. 

Lance sighed softly, “Please Takashi, listen to me.”

There he went again- calling him by his first name. It almost always tricked Shiro into letting his guard down, but it was an honest slip. For some reason, Lance was more used to calling him by his first name than anyone else. It had to be the biggest clue that they had something more than friendship.

Shiro let his eyes drift shut, “Okay- now what?”

Lance shifted his hand, pulling it to himself until Shiro felt himself touch Lance’s smooth shirt. It was warm, and… he could feel the throbbing heart under it. Consistent and loud against his palm. Shiro pressed his hand closer- listening without his ears. 

Lance’s voice was definitely in a whisper- almost trembling, “Do you feel my heart beating…? Do you understand?”

The next part was so quiet, so soft and Shiro felt Lance’s heart quicken almost immediately, “Would you feel the same?”

How could he? He wasn’t the same person- the same man who befriended, no, who loved Lance in the past. That was a different version of him, in another life- Lance was, and will always be just Lance. 

Lance swallowed, “Or am I only dreaming…?”

Shiro pulled away, and opened his eyes. He found himself looking into Lance’s eyes of unshed tears. But no matter what pity or what sorrow he felt for his heartbroken friend- he couldn’t let Lance continue to live in a fantasy. 

Shiro put on a soft smile- the smile of a friend who doesn’t want to break someone very dear to them, but needs to. “Lance… you’re an amazing person and a-”

“But you don’t love me,”

God- why did this have to hurt so much? Why did Lance have to fall in love with his clone- why not Allura? She would have known how to handle this better than Shiro. But Shiro knew what must be done. He should treat this like a bandaid, pull it off quickly and get it over with.

“No Lance, I don’t love you.” Shiro said calmly- and how he wished he didn’t see how Lance visibly staggered back, “I’m not the same man who you fell in love with. That’s not me- and I don’t want you living in a fantasy world where you and I have this happy-ever-after where we marry or grow old together and… well...”

Shiro shut his eyes- he did not want to see Lance cry, especially since he knew this was his fault, “Lance, ‘us’ is never going to happen. I can’t love you,”

Shiro didn’t have to open his eyes to see Lance’s anguish, he heard it in the boy’s voice when he whispered, “Why…? What’s wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you!” Shiro defended, fists clenched at his side, “This is simply inconvenient-”

“So our love is inconvenient…?”

“Yes- I mean no. I mean…” Shiro rubbed his temples, still refusing to open his eyes, “Don’t make this any harder than it has to be- we’re friends Lance, and I hate hurting you.”

“Then…” Lance paused, and Shiro heard the boy’s breath hitch. There was some shuffling, and a few sobs. Shiro wanted to reach out- to comfort the boy and to just hold him close, but that would only hurt them both. Lance needed to get over it.

Lance inhaled sharply, “Then can I mourn?”

“Mourn… what? The clone?” Shiro bit down on his bottom lip, wishing they could move on from this topic, “Why?”

There was something dark in Lance’s tone, “Because the man I loved is dead. Replaced. You will never be him and I need some time to understand that,”

Why did Shiro feel as though those words should have been directed at his clone and not him? Wasn’t Shiro the one to be replaced by the clone? But the sheer emotion Lance revealed with those words, made Shiro almost wish he had threaded a little lightly. 

Shiro jumped when he felt Lance’s hand clasp his shoulder- and flinched when Lance coolly said, “You can open your eyes Shiro, there’s nothing to see here.”

And even when Lance had walked out the room, Shiro still kept his eyes closed. He didn’t open them until his own heart had stopped pounding- but this was no love, only fear. For their friendship- for Lance. 

Lance has been overworking himself as a result of his insecurities and Shiro is there to help him.

This is my gift for @veltron for the @langstron gift exchange! I hope you enjoy!! (Read it below or on AO3 here!)

The team was having a meeting about their next mission. Allura was talking about which planet they would be travelling to and which creatures to avoid there. Lance knew this was important and that he needed to pay attention, but his mind kept on wandering off without him even realizing it.