Angelika D

"Working in Film must be so glamorous!" OK but one time we were filming at a small neolithic stone circle, right next to a commune full of hippies and neopagans with trust funds, and the neopagans were like, crack on lads, film what you gotta film, we'll just hang back and let you do your thing, only probably in a Surrey accent, and everything was going great and smooth, and then on the last day of filming the Locations Scout, who we'll call Keith, turned up to set with a fancy chicken in a cat carrier, and when I say fancy chicken, I mean an actual Fancy Chicken, the fanciest fucking chicken you've ever seen, with iridescent wings like mother of pearl dipped in ebony and a wattle that just wouldn't quit, like an actual prize winning pedigree chicken, and everyone was like, Keith, why the fuck do you have a Fancy Chicken, and Keith was like, my housemate is away, and he loves this chicken more than life itself because it is a celebrity chicken, and therefore it is very high maintenance so leaving it at home for my 13 hour workday was not an option, and everyone just sort of shrugged and said, cool, that's fucking weird, but you do you, Keith, and so they continued on with their day, did some filming, had some lunch, and periodically Keith would pause to let the chicken have a very tightly monitored wander and some delicious food, and all was well until they wrapped for the day and Keith was like, guys, has anyone seen the chicken, and everyone was like, oh fuck, no, we actually haven't, and Keith started to panic and he was like, oh fuck, my housemate is going to kill me, that chicken is literally famous in chicken show circles, it's basically the Kate Moss of chickens, we have to find the fucking chicken, and so they hunted under every nook and cranny, but all in vain, until someone had the bright idea of asking the hippies, so they went over to the nearest culturally appropriative structure and they were like, have you seen this chicken, and the hippies were like, no, sorry, but that's a sweet chicken, and Keith was like yeah, I know, hence why I'm stressed up to my fucking eyeballs trying to find this sodding chicken, and then finally one of the hippies was like... uh, yes, I have in fact seen that chicken, but I don't think you're going to like what I have to tell you next about the chicken, and Keith was like, you have to tell me about the fucking chicken right now, and anyway, long story short, one of the neopagans had apparently come across this luxurious chicken having a rest in its carrier, and had erroneously believed that this was some form of Locations gratuity, a gift from the production company as a form of payment to the neopagans for staying away from the filming, and this person had subsequently helped himself to the chicken and had then proceeded to ritually sacrifice it on the small neolithic stone circle

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