WarmasterCain

Tattooist: …yeah…That’s a Grimm mask design…pretty common for Branwen tribe members!

Glynda: Looks like we have a lead on our suspect. Let’s go.

Tattooist: Hey, don’t either of you want to make an appointment?

Glynda: No, thank you. I already have a tattoo.

Yang: What?!? Where? How? Why? When?! 😱

Glynda: We shall never speak of this again.

Yang: 😟

Yang: 😖

Yang: Okay, mom.

RWB_JNPROEG: …

Yang: …what…?

Ruby: You just called Miss Goodwitch “mom.”

Yang: What?! No, I clearly said “ma’am!”

Glynda: Do you see me as a mother figure, Miss Xiao-Long?

Yang: Pfft! No! 😅

Yang: If anything I see you as an “Other” figure, because you’re just the same as everyone else who’s just a coworker!

Weiss: Hey! Show your mother some respect!

Yang: I didn’t call her “mom!”

Glynda: No, no, Yang, I take it as a compliment.

Jaune: It’s not a big deal! I called Pyrrha “mommy” in bed once, and she’s my fiancée! 🥰

Yang: Guys, Jaune has psycho-sexual issues! Jump on that!

Nora: Old news! But you calling Glynda “mommy…” 🤣

Yang: Hey, “mommy” is not on the table here!

Neo: *signing in cuffs after robbing a dust store* …well, you did call her “mom.”

Yang: You shut up! You’ve done nothing but lie since we’ve met!

Neo: Okay, okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the “mommy” thing happened!

Yang: Yes! She admitted that her alibi was a lie! All part of my devious plan!

Glynda: I believe you…

Yang: THANK you…!

Glynda: *gently puts a hand on Yang’s head and pets her hair* …daughter…!

Yang: …

Glynda: Would you like to talk about it over a game of catch?

Yang: …

Wolf Ruby and Jaune: *Cuddling by a tree*

Weiss: *Watching from a distance with Pyrrha*

Weiss: This is starting to get out of hand. I saw him carrying her around bridal style the other day. She licked his chin!

Pyrrha: Well-

Blake: *Pops out of a bush wish bad camo face paint*

Blake: Don't you dare say another unkind word about the cuddle cult or I'll stop writing your Rusted Knight smut.

Weiss: You wouldn't!

Blake: You know I would. I'm right to the part where the Rusted Knight goes to the Ice Queen's castle.

Weiss: You fiend!

Blake: Would you prefer "He slowly unbuckled his chestplate while her white gown fell to the floor" or "Then they held hands and he respected her boundaries".

Weiss: YOU MONSTER!!!

Weiss: Fine. I won't say another unkind word about Jaune and Ruby's relationship.

Blake: Good.

Blake: ...

Jaune: ...

Kali: Hmm~!

Blake: Jaune.

Jaune: Y-Yes Blake?!

Blake: Can you please... Please explain this.

Jaune: T-This? Uhh... W-What's this?

Blake: Well... While I wouldn't be upset with finding you in my bed. Naked at that is all the better~!

Jaune: T-Thank you...

Blake: But, finding you naked in bed with my mother, with the room reeking of sex is something else.

Jaune: Ahh-hahaha...

Kali: Mmm~! It's been years since I woke up naked in a lovers embrace~! It was wonderful~!

Blake: It really is~! No wait! Mother! Cover yourself up!

Kali: No~!

Jaune: I better cover up too...?!

BK: Absolutely not!

Jaune: Okay...

Blake: So... care to explain yourself now?

Jaune: Okay well... Remember that tea you made for me?

Blake: I made you tea?

Jaune: Yeah, the tea in the mug over there.

Blake: Hmm? Oh! That tea! Y-Yes that tea...

Jaune: Well, you told me to drink it. So I took some, I didn't like it so I left most of it over there. I was going to finish it, but when I came back to your room, I started feeling... dizzy...

Kali: Dizzy?

Jaune: And, well... I was going to go to bed, but I suddenly felt... hot... And, I thought I saw you by the bed... And... everything got blurry after that...

Kali: Then please, allow me to finish the story.

Blake: Please do, I would like to know why you're in my room too.

Kali: Very well. Well, I was looking for your ribbon.

Blake: My ribbon, why were you looking for it?

Kali: I needed it for... something...

Blake: Something?

Kali: That doesn't matter. Back to the story. I was looking for your ribbon, when Jaune came into the room. I was about to call out to him when he grabbed me from behind, and started fondling my breasts~!

Blake: He what?!

Jaune: I did what?!

Kali: I would have screamed at you, but your large callous hands felt to good on my body~! Especially when you were feeling up my breasts, and started undressing me~!

Jaune: I stripped you?!

Kali: I am naked darling.

Jaune: Oh right, sorry. Please continue.

Kali: Well, I was going to tell Jaune it was me. but then you started biting my neck~!

Jaune: I did what?!

Kali: You started biting my neck, and instead of calling you out, and saying it was me, and not Blake. I started moaning out your name instead~!

Jaune: O-Oh...

Kali: Speaking off, since you bit my neck so much, did you leave any hickies on my neck?

Blake: He did not le...

Jaune: There's quite a few...

Kali: Oh~?

Blake: Jaune!

Jaune: Sorry...

Kali: Don't be, I gave you plenty of your own~!

Jaune: You did?!

Blake: Grr...! Continue with your story Mom.

Kali: Well, after Jaune stripped me... You're quite deft with your hands Jaune.

Jaune: Thank you...?

Kali: You must have plenty of experienced with Blake~!

Blake: Mom?!

Kali: And, after that he pushed me on the bed, and stripped himself. Quite quickly at that. Used to having quickies~?

Blake: Mom, what are you...?!

Jaune: Blake is rather horny at times, so I've learned to be quick at undressing.

Blake: Jaune?!

Kali: Oh-ho~!

Jaune: What? How many times have we been caught in the act?

Blake: You don't need to tell her!

Jaune: She asked?!

Blake: No she didn't!

Kali: I was going to~!

Blake: Mom?!

Kali: Back to the story; After we were both naked, and Jaune had pushed me on the bed, he climbed on, and put his 'long sword' in my 'sheath~?'

Blake: Mom?!

Kali: Bareback I might add~!

Blake: MOM?!

Kali: Then he took me from so many positions, each time he exploded inside me~! Doggy style, to mating press, standing, against your standing mirror, I loved that one in particular. To end with cow girl where I fell on tome of Jaune, and we fell asleep in each other's embrace. Where you found us in Blake~!

Jaune: Whoa... w-we did all of that...? No wonder I'm so sore...

Blake: Y-You didn't need to explain all of that mom...

Kali: I had to, how else could I explain all the times Jaune brought me to the peak of ecstasy with explains why the sheets are so stained~?

Blake: Mother?!

Kali: Ah-hahaha~! Oh don't be so bashful Blake. I've heard how loud you are when Jaune takes you to the peak of ecstasy yourself~!

Blake: You have?!

Jaune: I told you, you were loud...

Kali: Now that I've explained how this all happened, I need a why... It was that tea over there, yes?

Jaune: Uhh, yeah it was that tea.

Kali: Alright then... Let's see what we have~!

Blake: Mom?! Don't get out of bed without covering... yourself... f-first...?

Jaune: Whoa... I was tapping that...?

Kali: Hmmm? 'Sniff, sniff.' Ohh~?

Kali: Blake~?

Blake: Y-Yes?

Kali: Come here... Siiip~!

Blake: What is it Mo... MPHH?! Mmmm~!

Jaune: Whoa...!

Kali: Ahh~! Mmm... tasty~!

Blake: Ahh-haha... Oh gods... Mom...?

Kali: On the bed with you~!

Blake: Ooph!

Jaune: Uhh? Kali, what are you...?

Kali: Oh, there it is~!

Blake: M-Mom... W-Why do I feel so hot...?

Kali: I'll explain it in one moment deary. Now, under here... over there... There we go~!

Blake: M-Mom?! W-Why did you tie me up?! Ohh-ohoh~! Why do I feel so warm down there~?!

Jaune: Uhh...? K-Kali why are you... Mphh?!

Kali: Mmmmm~! Ahh~! Gods you are so tasty Jaune~!

Jaune: Ahh... D-Did you just force that tea down my throat?

Kali: In deed I did~!

Jaune: Whoa... I feel did again... And... And, why do I feel so aroused? Wait... is that a...?!

Kali: An aphrodisiac? Why yes it is~!

Jaune: An aphrodisiac?! Blake did you give me that?!

Blake: I-I heard it was a stimulant! Ah-haha~! Fuck! I feel so horny now!

Kali: Blake gave it to you warm, it's meant to be served cold... and with sugar, mint to improve the flavour... Now then, shall we begin Jaune~?

Jaune: B-Begin... Begin what?

Kali: I was looking for Blake's ribbon because I wanted to tie her to her bed, then seduce you.

Jaune: S-Seduce me...?

Kali: I've gotten so hot, and bothered listening to you two horn dogs go at it... I wanted to have my turn, and let Blake know what it's like to listen to you making a girl moan your name in blinding pleasure~!

Blake: Y-You have~?

Kali: Yes~! Now then, Jaune~?

Jaune: Y-Yes...?

Kali: Blake's ready for you... Go on... Claim your horny bitch in heat~!

Jaune: ...

Blake: Ahh... Jaune~?

Jaune: Y-Yeah...?

Blake: Knock me up, Master~!

Jaune: ....

✧ Broken ribs suck. You don’t just “walk it off.” Breathing hurts. Laughing hurts. Existing hurts. Characters with rib injuries won’t be doing heroic sprints.

✧ Concussions aren’t instant naps. Dazed vision, nausea, dizziness, maybe even personality changes, but they’re not going to collapse neatly like in the movies.

✧ Blood loss is sneaky. It’s not just about dramatic pools of blood. It’s dizziness, confusion, and the body getting cold as circulation tanks.

✧ Adrenaline lies. Someone can take a serious injury and not feel it until the fight’s over. That “I didn’t realize I was bleeding until later” trope? Very real.

✧ Twisted ankles are brutal. One bad step and suddenly running is off the table. Even walking hurts like hell. Perfect way to ground a chase scene.

✧ Burns linger. Even small burns hurt more than most people expect. Blisters, infection risk, constant pain, it’s not just a cool scar later.

✧ Dislocated shoulders = useless arm. Characters can’t keep swinging a sword or firing a gun. They’re basically fighting one-armed until it’s fixed.

✧ Shock is a thing. Pale skin, trembling, rapid heartbeat, and eventually disorientation. A character might not even realize how bad their wound is.

✧ Stitches aren’t magic. Getting sewn up is painful and recovery takes time. They’re not instantly battle-ready after a needle and thread.

Jaune (about to be thrown into the ground by a Beringel): AHHHHHHHH WORSE TEAM MISSION EVER!!! (breaks cafetiere table and looks around) oh I have never been happier to see your face bef- OH GOD JEANNE IS GETTING MAULED BY A BERINGEL

Jeanne: WHAT IS THIS THING?!?!?!

Bad Timing

Jaune: OI! Put me down you fucker!

Jaune was having a bad day. Missing breakfast, dealing with Marrow wanting his coffee instead of just getting his own. Dealing with SDC personal picking on the little guy just trying to get to work. Being picked up by a Beringel that was about to throw him onto the ground like a sack of flour.

Yeah, he was having a bad day.

But, Jaune wasn’t going to let this thing just toss him about! Quite literally at that.

Jaune raised his sword, and brought it down with a roaring cry as he heard the sounds of tearing of metal, and splintering of wood as his blade impacted the monster's skull!

Wait? Hold on now.

Splintering of wood, and the tearing of metal? Grimm skulls don’t make those kinds of sounds.

For some idiotic reason, Jaune had closed his eyes, something you never do in a fight that for some reason he did?! To find his sword lodged in one of Beacon's cafeteria tables through one of the food trays. Jaune looked over, and saw Rin's shock expression, partly hidden behind a pile of mashed potatoes.

Jaune: Ohhh…

Nora appeared on the other side of Rin, and waved at Jaune.

Nora: Hi Jaune!

Jaune: Hi Nora…

Nora: So, what’s with stabbing the table with your sword, and covering Rinny's face with the wrong white stuff?

Rin: NORA?!

Jaune: Uhh… I was attacking a Beringel, and it… I WAS ATTACKING A BERINGEL?!

Nora: Cool. What’s that?

Jaune: It’s a giant bloody, Grimm monkey!

Rin: I’m sorry Jaune, but why are you reacting as you are?

Jaune: I’m armed; I’ve got my armour, and weapons on! Jeanne was in her school uniform eating lunch! She’s going into battle unarmed, and underdressed?! And the fucker was about to throw me?!

Rin: Oh no…

Nora: Oh shit!

Jaune: Oh this isn’t going to be good…

~~~

Jeanne: Owww… W-What happened…?!

Jeanne sees a bright light above her then a shadow rests above her. Jeanne needed to focus her eyes to see who it was above her.

Jeanne: N-Nora… Is that you…?

Nora: Hello, Jeanne… You’re dead.

Jeanne: WHAT?!

~~~

Jaune: But, my team is with her, so she'll be fine!

Rin: You don’t sound so convinced.

Jaune: No, I have my own Nora, and you know what she’s like…

Rin: Fair.

Nora: Hey!

~~~

Ren: Nora!

Nora: Hahahaha! I’m sorry, I had to!

Jeanne: You’re joking, right? I-I d-didn’t die fighting some sort of monkey Grimm?!

Nora: No, you didn’t die fighting that monkey Grimm.

Jeanne: Oh, thank gods…

Nora: You died before you arrived at Beacon Academy.

Jeanne: WHAT?!

Nora: Yes, everything you've been experiencing is just the imagination of your dying mind.

Jeanne: WHAT?!

Ren: NORA!

~~~

Jaune: …

Jaune: Does Jeanne have any comfort foods, cause she’s gonna need it…

Rin: Yeah, your Nora is mean

Nora: As we should be~!

JR: …

Nora: So Jaune, you wanna sleep with Rin?

JR: Wait, what?!

Nora: Or perhaps a threesome with me, and Rin then?

Jaune: Dammit, I forgot my scroll back in my room. Hey, Yang, can I borrow your scroll?

Yang: Sure. Let me…?!

Jaune: Thanks!

Jaune reached his hand between Yang's cleavage, and pulled out her scroll.

Yang: H-How did you know it was there…?

Jaune: You have a scroll, and a big rack, duh.

Yang: ‘Duh?!’ Dude, just because a girl has big boobs doesn’t mean she has her scroll between them!

Jaune: Do you seriously believe that? Cause you do it.

Yang: Doesn’t mean everyone else does it!

Jaune: …

Jaune: Ladies?

Glynda pulls out her scroll from between her shirt's boob window. 

Glynda: Does it appear like my outfit has pockets to put this anywhere?

Yang: Well, no…

May undos her binding, letting her massive breast spill out before she reaches inside to grab her scroll.

May: It stays safe between my soft breasts~!

Yang: Since when were you that big…?

Neo pulls out several scrolls before grabbing hers.

Neo: ‘How many cops do you think will frisk my boobs?’

Yang: Not many…?

Nora pulls out her scroll after undoing her bra revealing she was wearing a binder based upon how big she actually is.

Nora: I can use mine as a charger!

Yang: Seriously?

Willow unbuttons her dress shirt letting her ‘mommy milkers’ out to breathe before pulling out her scroll, and a flask.

Willow: The bigger they are the more ‘pocket space’ they have~!

Yang: That’s a compelling argument…

Jaune: See, stacked women everywhere do it. You do it, why don’t you think that anyone else did it too?

Yang: I don’t know, it’s just weird to think about it really.

Jaune: That’s fair.

Yang: But, I gotta ask… how?

Jaune: How, what?

Yang: How did you do it, you just reached in, and grabbed it, with absolutely no hesitation at all. You just put your hand in there, between my boobs, and you just pulled it out! How?!

Jaune: Oh, most of my sisters are stacked as hell, they hide theirs, and my stuff between their cleavages all the time. So, I’m pretty desensitized to reaching to grab something from between some girls' boobs.

Yang: Seriously, you just sister-zoned me, and you can just grab it like that?!

Jaune: No, like I said, I’m desensitized to doing it to women. See…

Jaune puts his hand in Glynda's boob window, and pulls out her scroll.

Glynda: Oh~?!

Jaune: See, I’m totally desensitized to doing it.

Yang: But, haven’t you ever been afraid of accidentally coping a feel?

Jaune: No.

Yang: R-Really?

Jaune: …

Jaune: Did you want me to?

Yang: …

Yang: Kinda…

Jaune: Uhh… what?!

Glynda: It did feel kinda nice when you grabbed my scroll…

Jaune: Say what now?

May: I wouldn’t! Well… Maybe… But-But, only if it was you Jaune!

Jaune: Thank you…?

Neo: ‘Wanna see how many I’m really carrying~?’

Jaune: Kinda…

Nora: You think you’ll get a shock if you try?

Jaune: That’s an odd, but an interesting question.

Willow: I am more curious about what you could put in between them~!

Jaune: Now, I’m curious too…

Yang: So… Do you… do you wanna touch them…?

Jaune: …

For the swapped au, i don't know why i thought this but what if one of the few people who didn't take to jeanne immediately was adrian cause he really wanted his uncle back.

A Vessel of Envy

Adrian: BWAAAAAHHHH!!!

Saphron: Jaune! Jaune what’s…?!

Terra: What’s going on?! Wait! Who the hell are you?!

Jeanne: I what?! Who is this baby?!

Pyrrha: Hand him here Jeanne.

Jeanne: Take him, take him!

Pyrrha: Shh, shh, shh~ It’s okay, Adri~! It’s alright, it’s alright~!

Saphron: Who are you! And, where is Jaune!

Nora: Whoa whoa whoa! Easy, easy! Saphron, Terra, this is Jeanne, Jeanne Arc. Jeanne, this is, Saphron, and Terra. Jaune’s older sister, and her wife.

Jeanne: H-Hi…?

Saphron: Oh… You’re the girl who’s been messing up my little brother's life!

Jeanne: W-Well… I-It’s more so the people around my life that have been making it hard for Jaune… I-I-I didn’t do anything to him! I would never! He’s as much of an innocent victim as I am!

Saphron: Right…

May: She’s telling the truth.

Terra: How is she?

May: Little Ms. Perfect here…

Jeanne: I’m not perfect…

May: Randomly swaps places with Jaune, and she shows up here. Everyone gets to learn how great, and wonderful Jeanne is, and then they fall in love with her.

Jeanne: They what?!

May: Then they see how poor Jaune is compared to her… Their opinion, not mine! And, then they think Jaune’s a pile of garbage, and everyone hates him. Meanwhile everyone is trying to lynch Jaune in her world because he ‘took’ their ‘Angel.’

Saphron: WHAT?!

Terra: Is that true?!

Jeanne: Well… not everyone was trying to kill him…

Saphron: And, how many is that; Six, seven people?

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Four…?

Saphron: You sure? Cause you don’t sound very sure.

Jeanne: I can count on at least two.

Terra: And, who the hell would those people be?!

Ren: The female version of me.

Nora: And, me~!

Terra: And, since everyone is gender-swapped there, the male version of Nora as well.

Nora: No. There are only female Nora’s in existence. This is a Multiversal Universal Law that cannot be broken. A law that not even, It can break…

PRMSTJ: …

Saphron: I-Is she always like this…?

Ren: You get used to it…

Terra: S-Seriously…?!

Pyrrha: No, no you don’t.

Saphron: Oh, oh no…

Jeanne: So… Uhh… W-Who are you two?

Saphron: Hmm? Oh! I’m Saphron Cotta Arc, and this is my wife, Terra Cotta Arc.

Terra: Hello.

Jeanne: Oh, I see. I have male counterparts in my world. Sash, and Trevor Cotta Arc. Also gay, and married.

Saphron: Good for them.

Jeanne: And, for you two as well~! But, uhh… W-Who’s kid is that? Did Jaune knock you up, May?!

May: No he didn’t! That’s their kid!

Jeanne: Yours?!

Saphron: Yes, that’s our son Adrian Cotta Arc.

Jeanne: Jaune’s an uncle?!

Nora: Yep! Aren’t you an aunt in your world? Since there is usually a double, yet opposite in your world.

Jeanne: No! I’m not an aunt with an adorable little nephew! Oh this is so unfair! So unfair!

Ren: Well, Jaune finally has something over you. Yay.

May: That’s not really something we should celebrate. Not without Jaune that is.

Nora: We should celebrate! With cake!

May: Whoo! Cake!

Jeanne: Uhhh… C-Can I hold him?

Saphron: Adrian?

Jeanne: Yeah, m-may I?

Saphron: Uhh…?

Pyrrha: She wouldn’t hurt him; it's not Jeanne's nature to harm a child.

Jeanne: I’m insulted you think I would honestly.

Saphron: Fine… You can hold him.

Pyrrha: Okay, here you go.

Adrian: Nawwhh!

Jeanne: Uhhh…?

Pyrrha: Let’s try again.

Adrian: NAWWHHH!!!

Jeanne: W-What…?

Pyrrha: I… I don’t think he likes you…

Jeanne: H-He doesn’t…?

Nora: I think because Jaune was holding him, and then because you showed he’s scared of you, and thinks you did something to his uncle.

May: And, Adrian is really particular to his Uncle. I don’t think he likes you.

Jeanne: W-Wait… Just because I showed up, and took Jaune's place… Adrian hates me…?

Pyrrha: Isn’t that why most of the people in your world hate, Jaune?

Terra: That’s why people hate him?

Nora: Among other reasons.

Jeanne: So, d-does this mean I won’t get to hold my adorable sorta-not nephew?

Saphron: Uhh… Yeah, I don’t think he’ll let you hold him.

Jeanne: Ohh…

(Thud!)

Saphron: And, she fainted…

Nora: I don’t think she’s used to being rejected like that.

Jaune: And, she’s incredibly jealous that I have an adorable little nephew, and she doesn’t.

PM: Jaune!

Adrian: Jauw!

Nora: Up you go!

Jaune: Adrian! Ah thank gods you’re okay… Come here you!

Adrian: Ah-hahaha!

Jaune: I’m happy to see you too, you little gremlin~!

Saphron: Where did you go, Jaune?

Jaune: Jeanne’s version of our home.

Terra: Oh, what was that like?

Jaune: Well…

~~~

Jaune: AHHHHHH!!!

Juniper: What the hell?! Jaune? Is that you?

Jaune: Shitshitshitshit! No nonononono! Not now! Not now of all times?!!

Juniper: Jaune? Jaune what’s wrong?

Jaune: I was swapped with Jeanne, while I was holding Adrian. Oh fuck?!

Juniper: Adrian; Who is Adrian?

Jaune: My nephew! He’s only two years old! Did I drop him during the swap?! Oh fuck!

Juniper: You have a nephew?

Jaune: Yeah, and you have a niece here, no?

Juniper: No, I don’t have any grandchildren.

Jaune: Really? That’s odd; You think there’d be an Adrian here, or at least a female version. That’s how it goes, at least I thought so. You sure there isn’t some bastard hiding about your sons never told you about? No that stupid; You’d strung them up from the ceiling, and gutted them like a fish if they did that.

Juniper: Oh, I most certainly would… Say, Jaune?

Jaune: Yes, Mmm… Juniper? 

Juniper: Juniper?

Jaune: Sorry, you may be, Mom, but you’re not my Mom.

Juniper: That’s perfectly understandable. Anyway, do you have any photos of your dear nephew?

Jaune: Oh, yeah! Loads of them! Want to see?

Juniper: I would love to~!

~~~

Saphron: That was a terrible mistake…

Jaune: Absolutely terrible mistake. But, not for me~!

Terra: What happened?

Jaune: Well…

~~~

Juniper: Oh, boys! Can you come here please?

Theo: We’re coming Mom!

Philip: You need something Mom?

Alex: Oh, Jaune’s here.

Galahad: Hey Jaune!

Richard: Are you feeling better after dad, you know.

Alkimos: Oh so you’re, Jaune, eh? Looks like an Arc.

Theo: So did Mom call us here because you’re here, Jaune?

Jaune: Yes, and no. And, for that: I am sorry… Oh so, so sorry…

Alkimos: And, what do you mean by that?

Juniper: Hey, boys~!

Galahad: Anyone else feel a chill…?

Alex: I don’t like that smile…

Juniper: Guess what, Jaune has in his universe that we don’t have?

Philip: A motorbike…?

Juniper: No~! He has an adorable little nephew, see~? His name is Adrian~!

Galahad: Uh oh…

Alex: Jaune, what have you done?!

Jaune: Sorry…

~~~

Jaune: I swapped out before anything else happened, but considering she’s Mom, but not Mom…

Saphron: Oh those poor bastards…

Terra: And, Jeanne’s going back to see them…

Nora: Well, they’re fucked.

Jaune: Why do you say that? She seemed just fine when I last saw her.

Pyrrha: Well, it’s not really a question of what happened, more of a question of what didn’t happen…

Jaune: Eh?

Adrian: Bwah~?

Jaune: Oh…

Jaune: Oh shit…

~~~

Juniper: You sorry lot had one job, one job! And, where are my adorable grandkids that I can spoil?!

Philip: We’re sorry, Mom!

Theo: We’ll do better, Mom!

Alkimos: Jaune, do something!

Richard: No, wait, Jeanne’s back!

Alex: Oh… Jeanne, help us!

Jeanne: Hi, guys! Uhh… one question.

Galahad: Y-Yes…?

Jeanne: WHERE THE HELL IS MY ADORABLE NEPHEW?!!

Richard: Well, we’re boned…

///

Ren:

Ren: Nah, I think it'll work out.

Jaune: How?!

Ren: *Turns Scroll camera to full-length mirror* By just accepting the rule of our new Boop Queen Zupitina.

Jaune: *Looking at Ren in a classic, unaltered harem girl outfit* ...

Ren: She's got ones ready for you and Pyrrha too, you'll both look great.

Jaune: *Can't fault the actually faulty logic* Damn, we would look awesome.

Ren: Mhmm... that said, *Turns Scroll camera to the side* Pyrrha already joined. We're just waiting on you now.

Jaune: *Losing all sense of reason and reality as he gazes upon Pyrrha in a harem girl outfit* ...

Pyrrha: *Waves shyly, body swaying* Hiiii... again...

Jaune: Yeah, okay. All hail Boop Queen Zupitina!

Ren: All hail Boop Queen Zupitina!

Swapped AU Jeanne meets the Rusted Knight

The Fairytale Knight

Jeanne: So uhh… That’s a… That’s a nice look you’ve got there…

Jaune: Oh, thanks.

Jeanne: …

Jaune: …

Jeanne: Your giant jackalope is nice.

Jaune: Juniper? Yeah, yeah she’s been a great help for me for… for many reasons…

Jeanne: Juniper? That’s a lovely name.

Jaune: Thanks.

Jeanne: You’re welcome.

Jaune: …

Jeanne: So…

Jaune:  I knock up Rin!

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Well… That explains why I was in the Ever After again for so long this time… Hehe… H-How did that happen…?

Jaune: Well… Rin saw me as the Rusted Knight…

Jeanne: Like from the fairytale? You’re the Rusted Knight?!

Jaune: Yeah, I-I’ll explain that later, it’s a long story. A-Anyway, I appeared in your room dressed as I am now, armour, and all. And, the only person I saw was Rin. And, she just sorta lost it…

Jeanne: Lost it?

Jaune: She took one look at me, said, ‘Hello Daddy~!’ And, she pounced me…

Jeanne: Well… Rin has always had a crush on you. But, she’s always managed to keep her emotions in check. However, I think seeing you like this, broke the camels back, and she didn’t care about the repercussions of her actions, only that it happened. Can’t say I blame her honestly…

Jaune: I’m regretting it though…

Jeanne: Because you won’t be there to help her?

Jaune: Yeah… She told me it’s what she wished for, what she wanted more than anything else. Her eyes… Rin's beautiful pink eyes told me that this is what she wanted. That she was telling the truth from the bottom of her heart. So, I gave her what she wanted. But, I can’t help, but feel sorry that I won’t be there to help her. And, I probably won’t be able to see it as often as I would like to… I don’t regret doing it… Just that I won’t be there to help her when she needs me…

Jeanne: Don’t worry, Jaune. Me, Nora, May, Mom, Dad, and the rest of my brothers; All of us will be there for her, you can count on that.

Jaune: T-Thank you, Jeanne… I’m lucky to have a sister like you in my life.

Jeanne: Hey, that’s just what… S-Sister… Y-Y-You called me sister…?!

Jaune: Well, we are sorta like twins aren’t we?

Jeanne: But, I-I thought you hated me.

Jaune: I’ve been stuck there for a long, long time. I’ve had plenty of time to think some things through. And, I was never truly angry at you Jeanne. More so with the world, and the people I’ve had to face. So, will you forgive me?

Jeanne: There’s nothing to forgive, big bro.

Jaune: So, I’m the big brother in this relationship? Probably for the best, you are one hell of a hellion to deal with.

Jeanne: Oh, how rude of you.

Jaune: (Snrk!)

Jeanne: So… Do you have any ideas on what the baby should be named?

Jaune: Since I won’t be there I thought I should leave that to Rin. But, if I had to pick one…

Rin: Ahh?! Oh… H-H-Hi, Jeanne… H-How was seeing Jaune again?

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Dammit! He was about to give me a name!

Nora: A name, a name for what?

Jeanne: For my nephew, and/or niece~!

Rin: Eep!

May: What are you talking about?

Jeanne: Why don’t we ask, Rin instead~?

May: Rin? What did Rin do?

Nora: Does it have to do with that thing she’s hiding behind her back?

Rin: N-N-N-No! No it doesn’t!

Jeanne: Rin, Jaune told me what you two did together. So bother trying to hid it~!

Rin: H-H-He did…?!

Jeanne: Yes. And, he asked me to be there for you. Me, and my whole family will be there for you Rin. So you don’t have to worry, we’re here for you, you’re not in this alone.

Rin: Promise…?

Jeanne: Arc’s promise.

May: W-What the hell are you two talking about?

Nora: PleasebewhatIthinkitis!PleasebewhatIthinkitis!PleasebewhatIthinkitis!

Ren: H-Here you go…

May: Is that…? No way?!

Nora: Fuck yeah! I’m gonna be an aunt!

Jeanne: Congratulations, Rin! You’re going to be a mom!

Rin: T-Thank you, Jeanne… I know it's so sudden… But, I saw Jaune, and I saw how he looked… I-I wasn’t letting him get away from me again. So, I… Yeah…

May: I knew you had the hots for him. But, damn… I didn’t think you’d go that far with him.

Jeanne: Well Team ARNZ, we better pack. We’re taking a trip to see my parents! And, once there I can introduce my family to my sisters, the mother-to-be, and my wife!

May: Wife?! I understand Nora, and Rin are your sisters…

Nora: FUCK YEAH!

May: But, I didn’t think you have to marry Rin just because Jaune knocked her up.

Jeanne: No no no. Rin is my sister, and the mother-to-be. You May, you're gonna be my wife, May.

May: …

(continuation of the "Anti-tank rifle" Jaune)

Firing Range

Coco: *glaring at Jaune* ...

Jaune: *feeling a bit awkward* So huh... *Nudge his head toward her* What's her deal again?

Velvet: *chuckle* Don't worry, she's just upset that someone stole her place as "who got the bigger gun".

Coco: *grumbles* That's not true...

Jaune: ... Really? *Look down at his lahti l-39* I mean, that's not even the biggest gun i own.

Coco: *angry* What do you mean it's not your biggest gun!? That thing weighs almost as much as me when loaded!

Jaune: *smiles* Ah, but you haven't met Pom-pom yet.

Coco: ... *Raise an eyebrow* Pom-pom?

Jaune: *nod, still smiling* Pom-pom!

Coco: ... Are you kidding m—

_ _ _

*POM-POM-POM-POM-POM-POM—*

Jaune: *using a heavily-modified qf 1-pounder pom-pom* HEAR THAT? THAT'S WHY THEY CALLED IT A POM-POM! PRETTY COOL, RIGHT?

Coco: *Looks down at Gianduja* ... I feel inadequate—

Jaune: *still firing* WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING WITH THE NOISE, YOU NEED TO SPEAK LOUDER!

Jaune: (Moon God) NO.

Yang: What do you call someone who's really into the moon? Like, just obsessed with it~?

Yang: A LUNA-TIC~!

Jaune: (Draws his sword) YOU ARE A MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!

----------Meanwhile, on Remnant----------

Ruby: Look, Weiss! A solar eclipse~!

Jaune: Wait… I know this game.

Weiss: Whatever do you mean?

Jaune: You plan to flick my nose.

Weiss: What nonsense is this?

Jaune: You mean to humiliate me.

Weiss: I only wish to help you my love.

Jaune: Simply remove your finger and I will look.

Weiss: If I remove my finger you won’t be able to see.

Jaune: What kind of sorceress mustard is this where I cannot see with my own eyes?

Weiss: Your muscular pectorals my love, they block your view.

Jaune: I don’t believe you.

Weiss: Only I can tell you where the mustard lies.

Jaune: You are breaking my heart.

Weiss: By the Brothers’ grace I do not lie.

Jaune: Oh what a den of grimm this is!

Weiss: Face your destiny.

Jaune: To battle then!

Jaune/Weiss: AHHHHHH!

Jaune: I wonder if Jeanne talk with my parents and sisters, oh hey dad's calling hey da-

Julius: Jeanne how my knew favorite daughter do-

Jaune: Dad it's me you're son Jaune

Julius: Oh ma- I mean oh boy Jaune you're back are you sa-*call ended.

So How Did It Go?

Jaune: Hi guys, I’m back!

(Thud!)

Jaune: Owww…

Pyrrha: Jaune?! Are you alright?

Jaune: Noooo…

Pyrrha: Help me flip him over.

Nora: Okay!

Ren: I take it you met Jeanne’s family?

Jaune: Unfortunately…

Pyrrha: What do you mean by… Oh… Ohhh…

Nora: I’ll pat him down just in case.

Ren: I’ll go get some ice.

Pyrrha: W-What happened?! You’ve got a black eye, and a broken lip?!

Nora: And, a cracked rib!

Jaune: Jeanne’s family gave me a ‘warm’ welcome…

Nora: By punching you in the face?!

Jaune: Several times…

Pyrrha: Why?!

Jaune: Ughh… Well…I turned the corner, then I said, “Hi, Dad.” He then turned at me, and screamed, “Who the hell are you?!” I then said, “Your son, Jaune?” “You’re not my son!” I was thinking, ‘What is he talking about, I’ve been your son for years.’ Then I noticed a photo on the wall, a family photo, of my mom, and dad… and seven boys, and one girl…

Nora: Oh, so you, ‘Swapped.’ But, you didn’t know it happened?

Jaune: Ya, I know if it happened, not when it happened. And, before I could explain it to Jeanne's dad… He punched me through a wall… No wait… Two. Two walls!

Pyrrha: How did he do that?

Jaune: My dad’s semblance is called, ‘Concussive Wave.’ He is able to make a powerful ‘bubble’ at the end of his body, or weapons that greatly increase the power of the impact. It’s like when Nora uses her weapon when she uses her semblance. Both hurt like a bitch…

Nora: Like the gods intended to…

Ren: Here’s some ice Jaune.

Jaune: Thanks… Owww… Thanks Ren…

Ren: Did your aura break after he punched you?

Jaune: Not until the… Fifth time…? After he punched me out of the house, he jumped on me, and started wailing at me. Eventually he broke my aura, and he kept punching me. Luckily, Rin, and Nora saved me.

Nora: Oh! What did I do to save you~!

Jaune: Well, Rin calmed him down with her, your semblance. Then Nora punted him like a golf ball whilst using her semblance at that.

Nora: How hard did I hit him!

Jaune: Well, he cleared the house.

Nora: Nice~!

Jaune: After that Jeanne’s mom came running in to see what the hell happened. She saw me in my broken state, luckily she knew what was going on. Jeanne told her mom about this mess, but not her dad. We got swapped before she could.

Pyrrha: Then what happened?

Jaune: I don’t know what happened, but based on the screams I heard, whatever it was, it must’ve hurt like hell.

Nora: That’s what he gets for hurting our Jaune-Jaune!

Pyrrha: Grrr…! Can’t you catch a break?!

Jaune: Does it appear like I can?

Pyrrha: No… Haa… Jeanne’s world really sucks for you.

Jaune: Pretty much… How was Jeanne though; was everything alright with her here?

Pyrrha: Well…

Acheius: Hi, Jeanne! I was wondering if you’d like to spar with me, I could use a real training partner to go… oh…

Juniper: Where’s my new daughter! I was hoping the two of us could do some ‘Girl Talk’ maybe about… uhh…

Thiriana: Hey, Jeanne! Do you think you could help me with my hair? Normally I’d ask Jaune for help, but with looks like yours, who needs him, right?

Luna: No, she said she would hang out with me!

Sapphire: No, she said that to me!

Angela: Why would she hang out with you when she can hang out with me~!

Janette: Ughh… Let's just ask Jeanne who she wants to… hang out with…

Carol: Oh shit…

Ren: …

Nora: …

Pyrrha: …

Jaune: Hi guys… ‘Miss me…?’

Acheius: Well you know, the thing is…?!

(Slam!)

Pyrrha: …

Pyrrha: Pack your things, we’re leaving.

Nora: Way ahead of you.

Ren: I’ll pack your things Jaune after I’m done putting away my things. You just rest up Jaune.

Jaune: Thanks, Ren. So, you met most of my family, what do you think?

Ren: I find them… uncomfortable to be around.

Nora: I thought your mom could be my new surrogate mother… She is a terrible surrogate mother.

Pyrrha: I think they’re the worst trash I have ever seen before in my life~!

Jaune: It’s scary how happy you made that sound.

Pyrrha: I hate them, what more do you want me to say?

Jaune: Just pointing it out. Welcome to my home guys! I fucking hate it here…

Cardin: *smirking nervously* I-I'm supposed to fight Jaune?

Glynda: *fixing up her glasses, her eyes hidden by the reflection of the light* That's right.

Cardin: *gulp* T-the same Jaune who killed a deathstalker by, and i quote, "Shooting it with high ordnance until its face couldn't be recognized as anything but abstract art"? THAT Jaune!?

Glynda: Correct.

Cardin: ... I For—

Glynda: *smiles* Of course, Jaune won't be using his main weapon during practice, as it would be considered as an actual war crime.

Cardin: *sigh in relief* Oh thank goodness... *Smirks with a lot more assurance* If that's the case, then it shouldn't take too long. *Crack his knuckles*

Glynda: *trying very hard not to laugh* Indeed, it shall be but a matter of seconds.

_ _ _

Cardin: *sweating profusely, white as a sheet* W-what are those!?

Jaune: *smiling innocently* Those two just arrived this morning. Custom made to kill Grimm. *Chuckle* My grandpa said i should be careful using them since they pack quite the heavy punch.

Ruby: *Being restrained by Yang, frothing at the mouth* I NEED TO HOLD THESE BABIES IN MY HANDS!!! I NEED TO FEEL THEIR WEIGHS, THEIR RECOILS—

Yang: *rolls her eyes* Yes yes, i know, you want Jaune in your team—

Ruby: *Growl* UNHAND ME! LET ME GO! YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND MY SUFFERING!

Yang: Sigh...

Glynda: *smiling* Let the combat...

Cardin:

"Begin!"

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

Cardin: *getting hit by the power of 13mm explosive rounds repeatedly in the face, each round removing noticeable chunks of aura* (Ah... So that's what you went through, deathstalker... I understand your pain now... I envy your quick death...)

Jaune: *just continuously shooting* SO LIKE, YOU'RE GOING TO DODGE OR WHAT? *Stop shooting* Cardin?

Cardin: *stand upright for a few moments* (Finally... The ringing stopped...) *falls flat to the ground, K.O*

Jaune: !? *Look down at his guns* Sheesh, i know those were custom ammo, but still; that bad, huh?

Ruby: *stuck in a sleeper-hold with Yang* NEED... IT...! COOL... WEAPONS...!

Nora: So Jaune/Jeanne when you saw the other you did you think about fucking them?

Jaune/Jeanne: NORA!!!

Nora: Did you?

Jaune/Jeanne: ........Yes.

Why Are You Asking Me This?

Jaune: Oh, it's you again…

Jeanne: I take it after all that has happened you don’t like me?

Jaune: No, not really. Learning how much people like you in your world hurts… And, since then more people in my world have shown their true colours in how they feel about me…

Jeanne: Not good?

Jaune: Ya think?

Jeanne: I’m sorry.

Jaune: Haa… Look, I don’t hate you, Jeanne, but I don’t like you either.

Jeanne: That makes sense. Do you think we could repair our relationship? We are one, and the same person. Well… mostly.

Jaune: I don’t know… Your presence in my life has made it a nightmare. I wouldn’t mind trying, so long as I don’t have to try Nora's method…

Jeanne: Her talking about how we should sleep with one another?

Jaune: Oh, she said that to you too?

Jeanne: Yeah, I admit for a second I thought about it.

Jaune: Only because she put the thought in our heads.

Jeanne: Of course.

Jaune: I mean, it would be like I’m sleeping with my twin sister.

Jeanne: She’s basically proposing incest.

Jaune: I’d rather sleep with Yang than you. That’s basically the same thing, without the weird ethical baggage. But, that’s not going to happen after all that has happened.

Jeanne: I feel the same way, about Yin. However, it implies I have some sort of brother-complex if I did. Sister-complex in your case.

Jaune: Yeah, Yang is beautiful, but considering how she has referred to me as of late, it’s not likely going to happen.

Jeanne: She was quite beautiful, like the sister I never had.

Jaune: Same with me, and that, Yin fellow.

Jeanne: Is there anyone you would want to date?

Jaune: Well, I have been thinking about my Pyrrha, and Nora. They’re really important people in my life, and I would like to become closer to them, romantically… But, I’m scared about losing them if I do. There is someone else in my life, but… That’s not likely going to happen. Honestly, if I could, I would like to date Rin…

Jeanne: Rin? My Rin?! You want to date her?

Jaune: She seems like a really nice girl, and really pretty. It just feels nice thinking about falling asleep with her in my arms.

Jeanne: She is really comfy to sleep with…

Jaune: Oh! A-Are you two… a thing?

Jeanne: No… We were just sharing a bed along with Nora. The heaters broke so the rooms were freezing cold because of this. So, if I could, I’d wish you good luck with her.

Jaune: I doubt I could get anywhere with her…

Jeanne: Oh, you’d be surprised, she seems interested in you too~!

Jaune: S-Seriously?!

Jeanne: Just if something does happen, treat her well, or I’m coming after you…

Jaune: Ha… Fair. So, what about you, has anyone caught your eye?

Jeanne: No, no not really. I tend to catch the eyes of others, but no one has caught my eye. Evidently I have a fan club of people who like me. But, there’s no one I like. I guess that is something you have on me; People to love.

Jaune: What’s better; People who love you, or people to love?

Jeanne: Good question… Haa… Now, I’m depressed…

Jaune: Welcome to my world…

Jeanne: …

Jaune: …

Jeanne: Do you think Nora asked us this question because she wants to sleep with herself?

Jaune: Do you really need to ask? Of course she does!