Arc Misadventuers, The Second

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Introductions

Friends

Jaune Arc was sitting at a table eating his lunch while reading a magazine, while his friend, Beacon's fashionista Coco Adel walked over to him to ask for an important favour of him.

~~~

Coco: Hey Jaune~!

Jaune: Hey Coco. What's up?

Coco: I need to ask your for a favour?

Jaune: What kind of favour?

Coco: My mom's coming to see me, and we're having lunch together. And, to finally get my mother off my back, I need a date for the event.

Jaune: And, I'm the lucky winner?

Coco: Yep~!

Jaune: Yay!

Jaune: But, why me, why not Velvet?

Coco: Well we're not actually dating so we'd be lying, and unlike you Velvet can't lie to save her life.

Jaune: True. That's the main reason we don't invite her for 'Penalty Poker' anymore.

Coco: Yeah, I feel bad for bullying her like we did.

Jaune: But, her penalty was totally worth it~!

Coco: Bunny girl in a bunny suit: Ahh, perfect~!

Jaune: So, what kind of attire do I need for this 'date?'

Coco: Business casual.

Jaune: Dress shoes, and dress pants?

Coco: As well as a dress shirt.

Jaune: Oh but of course. Colour?

Coco: Satin black for the paints, and the shoes. I'd say a steel grey for the shirt.

Jaune: It's rather hot lately, how about I roll up the sleeves, and wear a vest?

Coco: Ohh! Good idea, but what kind of vest?

Jaune: Mmm... Black, but with a deep blue with embroidery on the front.

Coco: Oh perfect. Gold, or silver embroidery?

Jaune: Mmm... Gold would compliment my hair.

Coco: Good call. What else could we add to this outfit... Gloves?

Jaune: They need to be fingerless. At least the index, and thumb need to be.

Coco: Oh nice! You need sun glasses to tie it all up!

Jaune: So no hat then.

Coco: No hat.

Jaune: Alright then. Hmm... This ensemble we're coming up with is very stylish, but it feels like it's missing something.

Coco: But, what?

Jaune: How about a cloak?

Coco: A cloak?

Jaune: Yeah, a one shoulder cloak with the same colour, and embroidery as the vest.

Coco: Ohh yes~! Yes, that sounds perfect! Okay, our date is on next Friday, can you get everything ready for it?

Jaune: Is that a challenge Coco?

Coco: Me making a matching outfit is the challenge Lover Boy~!

Jaune: Golds, and coffee browns.

Coco: Ohh~! Good idea. Is that all you need to know Jaune?

Jaune: Besides a time, and a place.

Coco: I'll get you that tomorrow. Mom's setting up the place, and the time.

Jaune: Okay. But, are we acting like this is a first date, or we've been dating long enough to meet the family kind of date?

Coco: The second option. Meeting the family on the first date is a horrible idea.

Jaune: Agreed. So, pet names?

Coco: But of course Bunny Boy~!

Jaune: As you wish Mocha~!

Coco: Ohh, nice~!

Jaune: Should I pick you up for our dinner date with your mother, or meet you there?

Coco: Meet me there. I can brace my mother for your arrival.

Jaune: Good idea. In that case how should I introduce myself to you?

Coco: What do you mean?

Jaune: Should I give you a hug, or a kiss?

Coco: A kiss, it will make us seem like we're closer than we actually are.

Jaune: Cheek, or lips?

Coco: Surprise me.

Jaune: Oh, how daring~!

Coco: I live for the challenge~!

Jaune: Okay, well then. I'll talk to you later, Mocha~!

Coco: I look forward to it Bunny Boy~!

Coco soon left, and let Jaune resume his meal, and his magazine. But, as he was reading, he felt an air of unease as he looked up to see his friends, Nora, Yang, Weiss, and Blake all staring at him with shocked, and bewildered expressions.

Jaune: ...

Jaune: What?

Weiss: Coco just came over, and ask you on a date... And, instead of freaking out that Coco Adel asked you of all people out on a date. And, you just sat there, and planned out your outfit for the date, and didn't react to it at all?!

Jaune: Yeah, so?

Weiss: So?!

Yang: What she means is that she is shocked that you didn't react to Coco when she asked you out.

Blake: Reacted in the shocked manner.

Weiss: Especially considering that she's gay.

Jaune: Oh, so you expected me to go, 'Holy shit. Coco Adel ask me out on a date.' Right?

WBYN: Yes!

Jaune: It's a fake date. Not a real date-date. We've done this several times before so there's nothing to be shocked about.

Yang: Y-You've done this before?

Jaune: I was her 'date' for the fashion gala held in Vale a few weeks ago.

Weiss: Wait, you went to the fashion gala as Coco's date.

Jaune: She didn't want to go alone, and I can dance. So she asked me. Simple as that.

Nora: Jaune... Are you sure that these aren't actual dates, not fake dates?

Jaune: Coco says they aren't so they're not...

WBYN: ...

Nora: We need to have words with Coco.

Weiss: Many words...

Yang: But, in the meantime we need to ask you something Jaune.

Jaune: And, that is?

Yang: Velvet in a bunny siit.

Blake: You got any photos~?

Jaune: ...

Blake: Whoa Jaune?! You look like you've been through the ringer. What happened?

Jaune: Uhh... I uhh... I went on a date with Nora...

Blake: You want on a date with Nora?!

Yang: That goth girl with the big tits, and the huge ass?!

Jaune: Well, while that's true. Don't refer to Nora as... that.

Yang: I'm sorry it's just crazy because she... well...

Blake: Has a bigger bust than Yang...

Yang: And, has a bigger ass than Blake.

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Y-Yeah... she defiantly does...

Yang: So... Speaking of Nora's assets; Does her sizeable assets play into your current condition?

Jaune: Uhh... Well... We did some shopping...

BY: Shopping?

~~~

Jaune: D-Do we need all of this...?

Nora: Yes we do.

Jaune: But... You got so many?!

Nora: Darling, don't worry. We'll use them all up by the time we're done. And, if we don't...

Jaune: I-If we don't...?

Nora: Well, then we'll just go through the 'backdoor' then~!

Jaune: The what?!

Cashier: Uhh...?

Cashier: W-Will that be everything...?

Nora: Mmm... Where are your energy drinks~?

Jaune: Energy drinks?!

Nora: Of course, I need my energy to keep up with you, my Golden Stallion~!

Jaune: Oh no...

~~~

Blake: What did you go shopping for?

Jaune: ...

Jaune: E-Energy drinks...

Yang: Energy drinks?

Jaune: Yeah... energy drinks...

BY: ...

Jaune: Well... I'm pretty tired... I'm going to have a nap... See ya...

Blake: See ya Jaune.

Yang: Sleep well Jaune.

BY: ...

Yang: Well... based upon the amount of hickies on his neck... They must have gone through a lot of energy drinks...

Blake: People keep asking if I'm an introvert, or an extrovert.

Blake: I'm here today to clear things up.

Yang: Then what are you?

Blake: Bitch I'm a pervert~!

(SLAP!)

Jaune: AHH?!

Jaune: Blake?! What the hell?!

Blake: Mmm~! Just trying to get a piece of that phat ass Jaune~!

Jaune: Grrr! You pervert!

: Mmmmh~!

: Hmm? Oh, good morning Jinn.

Jinn: Good morning Jaune~!

Jaune: Sleep well?

Jinn: Yeah... but, I'm still sleepy...

Jaune: You can stay in bed, we've got nothing planned for today.

Jinn: Yay~!

Jaune: Hmm...

Jaune: Oh... Evidently the wedding will be this week.

Jinn: Huh? Whose wedding is it?

Jaune: It's your wedding.

Jinn: Really? And, who is the guy my husband to be?

Jaune: That would be me.

Jinn: Yay~!

Jinn: I get to marry my loveable, perfect boyfriend! Yippee~!

Jaune: 'Yippee' indeed.

Jinn: Haa... Sleepy...

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Uhh...? By the way Jinn.

Jinn: Yeah...?

Jaune: For the record Jinn... You're not dreaming.

Jinn: ...

Jinn: Wha...?

Jaune: Our wedding is being held at the end of the week.

Jinn: ...

Jinn WHAT?!

///

Coco: One hundred... One hundred, and one... One hundred, and two... One hundred, and three... one hundred, and...?

Jaune: Hey Coco, where are you?

Coco: I'm in the gym Jaune!

Coco: One hundred, and five... One hundred, and six...

Jaune: Ahh okay, I was wondering where you were...

Jaune: (Whistles~!)

Jaune: Damn Coco, you're looking great.

Coco:

Coco: Haa... Thanks Jaune.

Jaune: I've been curious why you've been hitting the gym so much. Preparing for the next Summer swimsuit catalog?

Coco: Haha! No, I was... Actually that is a benefit, but no! I need to fix my body after you ruined it!

Jaune: After I ruined it?! W-What did I do?!

Coco: Food.

Jaune: Food?

Coco: You're a damn good cook that makes lovely food Jaune. Ever since you started cooking for all of us your delicious food, I've gained ten pounds!

Jaune: What?! T-Ten pounds?! That's impossible! My food doesn't have that much calories for that to happen! Not counting the cakes...

Coco: I gained ten pounds because I ate so much!

Jaune: Oh... Yeah, you did tend to eat a lot...

Coco: Watch it Arc...

Jaune: I'm sorry, sorry!

Coco: Well... it doesn't matter, I've lost all that weight, and gained a killer six pack! And, there's nothing you can do, or all your delectable meals can do to ruin it!

Jaune: Well... I could cut back on the cakes...

Coco: Don't you dare!

Jaune: Okay!

Coco: Well, it doesn't matter how big, or how much icing you cover one of your cakes with. As long as I'm pumping iron, I'll never gain weight from your cooking again!

Jaune: Does it need to be pumping iron? Can't you lose weight by... Going on runs like Velvet does.

Coco: That's what the treadmill is for lover boy.

Velvet: You could do what I do to lose weight Coco!

Coco: Running? Way ahead of you Bun-Bun.

Velvet: No, I was talking about having loads of bareback sex with Jaune like I do~!

Jaune: Velvet?!

Coco: B-Bareback... s-s-s-sex...?!

Jaune: B-But... all your running?!

Velvet: Naww Love. That's just to stop me from getting cramps after we do it.

Coco: What...?

Velvet: Speaking of~! Come on Bunny Boy~! It's rabbit season~!

Jaune: Whoa hey?!

Coco: ...

Velvet: Coco?

Coco: Y-Yeah...?

Velvet: You coming?

Coco: Coming... Coming for what?

Velvet: Coming to lose some weight we me, and Jaune~?

Coco: ...

Coco: Okay~!

Juniper: So Jaune, what's it like dating four beautiful ladies?

Jaune: Uhh... It's complicated.

Juniper: It must be difficult, dating such fine ladies.

Jaune: No, that's not what I... Well it is complicated, but that's not the reason why it's so complicated.

Juniper: Then what's so complicated then?

Jaune: Well, as you know... I'm dating Weiss Schnee, Blake Belladonna, Ruby Rose, and Yang Xiao Long.

Juniper: And, they are all wonderful young ladies~! Although that Yang girl looks like one of my daughters. I accidently referred to her as one, and she started crying tears of joy.

Jaune: Yeah, Yang has a lot of mother issues. But, that's not the point. You see... I'm dating all of them, but they think that I'm only dating one of them, and that by dating them, I'm cheating on my girlfriend with them.

Juniper: W-What...?

Jaune: Yeah it doesn't make sense...

Juniper: H-Hold up! T-This doesn't make sense at all; Your girlfriend's think that you're cheating on girlfriend with your other girlfriend?

Jaune: Yeah.

Juniper: Okay, explain to me what the hell this... 'love affair' you're in the middle of? In intricate detail.

Jaune: Okay... Ruby think's I'm cheating with her on my girlfriend Blake, to prove that she is the more desirable girl. Blake thinks I'm cheating on my other girlfriend Weiss, because I 'prefer' premium faunas pussy more than that 'snobbish Schnee girl.'

Juniper: What does she mean by 'premium pussy?'

Jaune: Weiss thinks I'm cheating on my girlfriend Yang, because she thinks I prefer flat girls than 'top heavy udders for brains girls' like Yang. And, Yang thinks I'm cheating on my girlfriend Ruby with her to 'protect' her little sister from me ravaging her in the bedroom.

Juniper: ...

Juniper: What... What the FUCK?!

Jaune: Yeah... I think the four of them all of a cheating kink... Which considering women's choice of literature, and movies makes sense...

Juniper: Now that I think about it, they all went to your sister, Luna to get signed copies of one of her books. So them being into NTR makes a lot of sense now.

Jaune: Which book?

Juniper: The one where they younger sister seduces her older brother, and steals her away from his girlfriend.

Jaune: Gods dammit. Not that one!

Juniper: It's actually her best seller.

Sienna: Jaune, do you have a moment?

Jaune: For you my Queen; Always.

Sienna: I'm choking, what are you doing?

Jaune: If I was choking you with my hand, I'm supposed to tell you who your human master is, and hold you harder until you answer me.

Sienna: No wait!

Jaune: But, if your throating me, I'm supposed to hold you in place, until I explode all over your face marking you as my bitch. Letting everyone know you're mine.

Sienna: ...

Jaune: ...

Jaune: What?

Sienna: First off: I'm certainly kinkier than I thought. I wasn't so aware I liked it so rough.

Jaune: Your signal to go harder is to scratch up my back...

Sienna: Secondly: I was talking about choking on food. Not on, or by you Jaune.

Jaune: On food?! Sienna, you asked me what I was doing while you're choking, not if you were choking on food.

Sienna: Well why did you think I was talking about sex?!

Emerald: Hey Jaune?

Jaune: What's up my Jem Stone?

Emerald: If I was chocking, what did you do?

Jaune: Go harder until I break the image you're using with your semblance to make sure I'm actually having sex with you, and not one of my friends, or one of my sisters. Again.

Emerald: ...

Jaune got his girlfriend, and her sister matching sweaters!

can you put jaune hitting someone very hard to the point that either it leaves them embedded in a wall or their silhouette is marked? motives, reasons and circumstances are at your discretion.

A Death Mark

Jeanne: EEP?!!

Mercury: Oh, now isn’t that a lovely sound.

Jeanne: D-Did you just grab my butt?!

Mercury: And, what a nice ass you have there babe~!

Jeanne: The hell is wrong with you?!

Mercury: Hey, a man sees a fine bit of ass like yours of course he wants to take a bite out of it.

Jeanne: The hell is wrong with you?!

Mercury: Me? Well, not having you is definitely something wrong.

Jeanne: Grr!!!

Mercury: Say, Babe… Why don’t we ditch this joint, and go someplace where we can really have some fun~!

Jeanne: Get off of me!

Mercury: Fine, I will… But, for a price~!

Jeanne: A price?

Mercury: One kiss, and I’ll let go of you, deal?

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Okay then… Pucker up big guy…

Mercury: Ha! And, people said you were a…?!

Jeanne:

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Mother fucker…

~~~

Pyrrha: …

Coco: …

Velvet: …

Nora: …

Ruby: …

Rin: …

May:

Glynda: …

Blake: …

Yang: …

Weiss: …

Ruby: Is he dead…?

Mercury: O-Owww…

Jaune: No.

Everyone:

Emerald: …

Neo: 😐

Emerald: You’re filming all of this, right?

Neo: 😈

Emerald: Oh this… this is the best day ever!!!

///

Jaune: Salem has a happy place… Really?

Nora: Well, everyone has a happy place. Even evil people do.

Jaune: True; So where, or well what, is Salem’s happy place?

Nora: With her kids? I mean, she was happy, very happy when she was being a mother, with her kids.

Jaune: That makes sense. But, wouldn’t that make her angry as well?

Nora: Angry, why would she be angry?

Jaune: Because Ozma tried to run away with their kids, and got them killed. That sours any happy memories she may have about her kids.

Nora: Oh, you're right… Then her happy place is killing Ozma!

Jaune: Really? The fact he’s some… body hopping parasite that always comes back to ruin her plans definitely makes her really angry.

Nora: Damn, I can understand why Salem hates the little shit.

Jaune: Yeah, he is a little shit…

Nora: …

Jaune: …

Nora: Maybe her happy place is playing Minecraft?

Jaune: W-What…?

Nora: Salem’s happy place is in a nice game of Minecraft. Just her, all alone in a vast digital world, building, and creating whatever she wanted. And, just letting herself just let go of all of her worries and immersing herself in the world she created. Where the only problem she would have is the random Creeper that magically teleported behind her, killing her character. I mean, have you ever had a bad experience playing Minecraft. Bar the occasional Creeper?

Jaune: No, not really… You can just zone out, and immerse yourself in the world of your own creation. Where all that matters is whatever you want it to be…

Nora: It would be absolutely perfect…

Jaune: Yeah… It's perfect until Ozma comes around, and griefs her…

Nora: That bastard is 100% a griefer, no question’s about it!

Jaune: Hell yeah he is!

~~~

Ozpin: …

Ironwood: …

Glynda: …

Qrow: …

Ironwood: Ozpin?

Ozpin: Yes James…?

Ironwood: How the hell do those kids know anything about Salem?!

Glynda: And, what was that about you killing your own children?

Qrow: You’ve fucked?!

Ozpin: …