Chef. Writer. Lazy Reposter of Nerdiness. This is where I go to be a doofus without judgy future employers looking over my shoulder.
Wanna buy me a coffee (or some teeth?):
https://ko-fi.com/android_and_ale
Android_And_Ale on AO3
Currently Writing: One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat
Wherein the crew of the Sh'Raan throw a completely normal party for their young guests.
If you’re new here, have a summary of this 108,000 word fic:
Shenanigans ensue when one middle finger to the Academy too many gets Starfleet Cadet James T. Kirk booted off planet for a summer internship aboard the V.S.S. Sh'Raan.
He's hiding a major secret from the oh so earnest and helpful Vulcans, but the longer he's on the ship, the more Jim starts to wonder if they're keeping secrets from him, too.
Excerpt:
Captain Spisee handed Jim a heavy sheet of rich, cream paper embossed with gold dusted Vulcan calligraphy bearing the ship’s name. It was a bit cheap by the standards of Vulcan stationary aesthetics, but shipboard life meant some sacrifices. In the most elegant handwriting he’d ever had the privilege to lay eyes on, it read:
Human Enrichment and Optimal Health Program:
One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat (more provided upon request)
Seventy (70) Seconds of Hug Time Per Week (divided between crew members as you deem necessary)
Three (3) Discrete Instances of Daily Praise
Three (3) Structured Entertainments per week
Minimum of One (1) Social Companion per meal (more available upon request)
Jim looked up from the Human Enrichment And Optimal Health Program and into Captain Spisee’s luminous brown eyes. There was no hint of mockery or malice there. He was an earnest scientist, possessing both cheekbones so sharp you could cut glass with them and the quadrant’s most excellent taste in guest furniture. He’d been given a unique task, and on Surak’s Katric Ark, he performed it with the same thoroughly Vulcan scientific intensity he would give the discovery of a new species of cave moss.
“We would appreciate detailed weekly feedback on the efficacy of our Human integration efforts,” said Captain Spisee.
“You are not required to reciprocate the Daily Praise,” said Captain Spisee. Despite his words, Jim could swear one corner of his mouth twitched upwards two entire millimeters.
---
Since some of you have kindly asked, here's a link to my Ko-Fi if you'd like to buy me a coffee. Or a tooth.
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In celebration of Star Trek’s 60th anniversary this September, our summer event is all about Old Men Spirk!
❓ WHAT IS IT? 🤔
The people who brought you Live Long and Pinup, Spirk in a Cave, and Shipboard Weekends are back with a shiny new Summer Spirk Event!
This time around we want to see your vision of Spirk at Sixty! Are they happily married with 2 cats and tenure track positions at Starfleet Academy? Perhaps they’re out stealing ships for enrichment in their old age. Heck, maybe they’re both in jail for...well canon gives us plenty of reasons.
Writers, artists, poets, filkers, and all other creatives are welcome to join the event and show us your vision of Spirk at Sixty! You’re welcome to use any iteration of Spirk: TOS, TAS, TOS Movies, AOS Movies, or SNW. They all deserve some quality retirement time.
New to fandom? We're here to welcome you! All you need is a love of Spirk and a desire to create.
⬇️Full event details below the cut.⬇️
❓ WHAT IS IT? 🤔
This summer we're hosting a fan creation event to celebrate Star Trek's 60th Anniversary! Create fanfic, fan art, filk, pasta sculpture, or whatever creative endeavor you enjoy, as long as it involves Old Men Spirk.
📆 WHEN IS IT?
August 17 - September 7, 2026
🎭 HOW WILL IT WORK?
Pick a date from the list below. We’ll update this Tumblr post as the dates fill up. Right now we're booking two people per day. If every date gets taken we’ll potentially open up to a further round of signups. When a date is full we will strikethrough it.
Send an Ask to this very blog including your chosen date and whether you are an artist, a writer, or some other exciting sort of fan creator.
We will send you an invite to join the Spirk Events Server (a fantastic community of Spirk writers and artists)
When your chosen posting date rolls around, post your fic/art/creation on AO3 and Tumblr.
Add your work to the Spirk at Sixty AO3 collection
In addition to your own descriptions, also add these tags: #spirk at 60 #spirk at 60 #spirk events
Once your work is posted on AO3, feel free to share it far and wide!
Follow this blog for updates
We can’t wait to see the fics and works of art you’ll create around the theme “Spirk at Sixty!”
📑 Fine Print:
Fic minimum length is 2000 words. No max, but know yourself and be realistic about how much you can write within the timeframe.
All art should depict Old Men Spirk. Fic doesn't have to take place at the exact age of 60, but Jim and Spock should be qualified for Senior Citizen Discounts at fine Federation Merchants near you.
This is an 18+ event. Sorry, youths!
Since it’s an 18+ event your fanwork can be any rating you’d like! Have fun!
You need an AO3 account to participate. If you don’t have one yet, they’re free!
Admission to the server is provisional. If you post your fanwork then great! You’re in! If not, we’ll regretfully ask you to leave. However, that’s not a perma-ban. You’re welcome to join up again the next time we have an open event!
Please let us know in advance if you won’t be able to post your work. We won't be mad! Real life happens. The sooner we know the sooner we can open up that slot for other people.
🌶 IMPORTANT SERVER INFORMATION
The Spirk Events Server is a sex-positive, NSFW, 18+ Discord created by and for Spirk writers and artists. You will see frequent and enthusiastic discussions of Vulcan dicks.
If you’re not comfortable with adult content then you do not have to join. If you do join, be prepared for fra’als!
📅 AVAILABLE EVENT DATES
August 17 - @kvothes
August 18
August 19
August 20 - @braigwen
August 21
August 22 - @android-and-ale
August 23
August 24
August 25 - @end-my-plox
August 26
August 27
August 28 - @forfuckssakejim
August 29 - @stellacartography
August 30 - @rizuno @celestialvoyeur
September 1 - @zelda-bird
September 2 - @tookafromearth @gangstabilbo69
September 3 - @shaiiloo
September 4 - @priestofthepremise @deadbeat0club
September 5 - @lichqueenlibrarian @dogearedfriends
September 6 - @twinkboimler @bubert
September 7 - @outerspacedunce @depressedgayboy
To lock down your posting date and get an invitation to the server, follow the spirkevents blog then DM us by clicking the "Ask Me Anything" button. We can only DM you if we're mutuals. Once you get the invite you're welcome to break up with the blog.
Please share this post with your mutuals so we can welcome more Spirk-tastic fan creators to join in the fun!
But seriously, if alien PLANTS ever show up, citrus and oaks are going to be trying to breed with them IMMEDIATELY.
We make fun of ourselves for being willing to fuck aliens, but I guarantee you that citrus and oaks are right there with us, aggressively trying to cross-pollinate with any new and interesting conquests.
“Yes, my great-grandfather is a terran bur oak. We don’t like to talk about it, it was very awkward for everyone involved. Except, presumably, the bur oak.”
“There were an alarming amount of whole-genome duplication events on Earth and frankly, I’m not comfortable going into it. They’re resilient as fuck, they grow in all kinds of conditions, and they have terrifying vocabulary like ‘allopolyploidy’. Do you KNOW what that IS? It’s something you don’t bring up around seedlings, that’s for…. that’s for fuckin sure.”
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This is a perfect time to read the brilliant and unforgettable graphic novel(s) Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, about growing up in Iran during and after the Iranian Revolution, and the rise of the oppressive theocracy that persists to this day.
Both graphic novels are available free online (Persepolis vol. 1, Persepolis vol. 2)
It also was adapted to a wonderful film (co-directed and co-written by the author) which is available to watch for free on Sundance Now (sign up for the free trial)
okay so spock (the alien in blue) essentially goes into heat. like literal heat like an animal. Anyway, spock’s in bloodlust in this episode and must go back to vulcan to have sex with his finace (or someone. but its supposed to be his fiance) or he’ll literally die. this is called pon farr and some backstory spock is half human and thought he wouldnt go through pon farr so he abandoned his HOT fiance to fuck around in space except oops pon farr happens so. he and kirk (in yellow getting his tits cut open, he’s also spocks captain and best friend) and their other friend mccoy go to vulcan so he can have sex with his fiance or get married or whatever so he doesn’t die. but then spock’s fiance (t’pring) is like no i dont want to marry spock i want to have him fight someone to death (which she can do) and spock at this point is fully in the ‘blood lust’ and is basically not in his right mind and doesnt get what’s happening. and t’pring picks kirk to be her ‘champion’ in the fight (her logic is that if spock dies in the fight she doesnt have to marry him and if kirk dies, spock will be so upset with her he won’t marry her anymore anyway). anyway kirk doesnt know that its a fight to the death and so he’s like of course i’ll do this fight if it’ll help spock and then he gets told it’s a fight to the death and he goes WHAT and right afterwards spock slices his titties open like in the gif. also eventually spock and kirk roll around in the sand and kirk fakes his death and THIS somehow knocks spock out of his blood lust and he goes back to the ship super sad bc he’s killed his ‘best friend’ only to discover kirk’s alive and we see one of his biggest smiles of the series (a big deal bc spock is vulcan and they dont show emotion). anyway this aired as the season opener in 1967. know your history and all that happy pride
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extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine
at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport
Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-
Bert: Bert and I
Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!
Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)
Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.
Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.
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