hello there! You can call me Astral or Aree (are-e), but astral is most recent and common! ( @literallyidontwannadothis thought of it theyre cool like that and also we’re besties)
Ao3
I do art and write fic sometimes!
Recent fandoms: Tma, fight club, mission impossible, stranger things, iron lung, project Hail Mary, probably more ahhdodnjdncnwjf
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The angst that comes with Hikaru and "hikaru" not being the same person, yoshiki accepting that the boy infront of him isn't his best friend without really accepting that said best friend is dead, loving both of them, grieving past and future, "hikaru" loving yoshiki, being trapped in someone else's body, knowing it isn't his, knowing he doesn't even have a real body to go back to, not knowing if the feelings are his or hikarus, not knowing if yoshiki's feelings are for him, the monster, or the real hikaru
the entinity inside hikaru's body is not an allegory for being perceived as a monster after coming out, but for queerness itself.
so, it's very clear for me that “hikaru” represents some kind of ideological (and sexual, if you will) liberation.
indifferent to humanity and societal conventions, it emerges to contrast with yoshiki's internalized homophobia; not to bring light to human hikaru's alleged feelings. hikaru and “hikaru” are different beings, independent of each other, and they play different roles in yoshiki's development/ the tshd narrative. the “monster” parallels much more yoshiki than hikaru.
the illegitimate exists as, rather than just being a metaphor for 'being perceived' in a certain way, more of a matter of who you are, your nature — queerness.
(and note that queerness is not limited to homosexuality!)
historically, "queer" meant strange or peculiar.
in the late 19th century, it was weaponized as a derogatory slur for sexual and gender minorities. in the late 1980s, activists began reclaiming the word as a positive self-identifier and an inclusive, fluid umbrella term for the lgbtq+ community.
he is the embodiment of it. and, poetically, takes the form of the boy yoshiki loved.
this leads me to cite the strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde by robert louis stevenson, a classic reference for queer allegory involving monsters.
many interpret the character of hyde as a code for repressed homosexuality in victorian english society, jekyll's "unspeakable desires."
roughly speaking, this can be viewed within freudian psychoanalysis as:
hyde – id (unconscious, the primal impulse, seeks immediate pleasure).
jekyll – superego (moral conscience, the very concept of “right and wrong” and, thus, guilt).
this perspective places hyde’s impulsive acts of evil on the same level as (and links them to) the moral aversion of the society of that era toward homosexuality and deviant behaviors.
i believe “hikaru” reads as the same idea of wild and primitive instinct, upon which the entity relies on as its nature. while not malicious, it can be viewed as cruel when human moral principles are applied to it. yoshiki empathizes with that aspect of him; he seeks salvation in “hikaru”'s lack of judgment, and in doing so, finds acceptance of his own nature. they want to find happiness together, bring just the way they are.
with this in mind, we can address the nuance of interpreting the relationship between the two as either romantic or platonic. mokumokuren made it clear that the homosexual aspect and the aroace aspect are equally important, precisely because both are equally as queer.
yoshiki and “hikaru” share a fundamentally queer relationship — one made of love.
about this recent line, considering that japanese is a language that commonly uses nouns instead of pronouns in sentence structure, i love how yoshiki simply says "you" here. he doesn't use hikaru's name, instead addressing the creature directly, whoever that is.
Grace is on Erid, dying of malnutrition and every other disease. The Eridian scientists are fighting for their lives to try and keep Rocky’s beloved flesh blob from shrivelling up. They can’t synthesize the food he needs and it all seems hopeless. But then, in their finest hour, a beautiful dwarf descends from the thick ammonia atmosphere to provide Grace with his first proper meal in years.
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ALSO ODYSSEUS LITERALLY JUST GOES TO TROY HE JUST GOESSSSSSSS they don’t even TRY to put baby telemachus in the paper shredder he just dips without a fuss. they change odysseus hanging the maids to penelope kicking melantho out for girlboss reasons and they TOOK AWAY MY BAG OF WIND #mybagofwind they also took away the dipshit that falls off of circe’s roof and dies. deeply shallow meaningless movie.
it IS surreal when companies decide to invent the torment nexus from hit media franchise "dont invent the torment nexus" but also to be fair a lot of "dont invent the torment nexus" stories are less "don't invent the torment nexus" and more "oh god has anyone noticed that we are dangerously close to inventing the torment nexus. can we please stop inventing the torment nexus. the torment nexus is maybe 2-3 years away. is anybody listening."
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"This feels kinda raunchy. How'd we end up like this?"
"The heck, dude? This was your idea!"
"I mean, you wanted to know what's inside me. Right?"
THE SUMMER HIKARU DIED / 光が死んだ夏
Completely relatable for Yoshiki to give in to his attachment to the not-Hikaru so early on. If I was an isolated, closeted gay teenager who’d lost my best friend (who I was in love with), and the eldritch horror that replaced him came back validating my feelings every second of every day, telling me how much he loved and appreciated me, touching me constantly, giving me honest, unfiltered declarations of devotion?? Shit, I’d fold too
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theyre calling 'hikaru' an evil spirit meanwhile he's wrapping himself in a blanket skipping school and crying his eyes out because he's scared yoshiki doesn't love him. evil spirit WHERE. ignore the villagers he's been violently murdering
The Summer Hikaru Died is like. what if you believed you were a disgusting monster for being gay. but then you meet a real monster, and over time you start to believe that even this monster deserves to be safe and happy, and it's the first time you start allowing yourself to believe that maybe you do too. what if I cried one million tears forever