Gay fluffy roses.

Crossposting from reddit. My pc is broken, along with a few other issues so in pretty bad need of commissions right now, so, here's a sale for y'all!

https://www.reddit.com/r/furry/comments/bhvbk2/having_a_sale_for_on_paper_and_written/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

So, here's the thing, I've been kicked out of school due to some stuff I'm not entirely comfortable explaining on here. But there's a bit of an emergency situation that comes out of that. I'm trying to get a few things together but one of my nig issues is I desperately need to gather some savings, fix my computer, get a job, and get sone transportation. Before anyone calls me a choosing begger, I'm not asking for money or demanding anything. What I am saying is if there was ever a time to commission me, it's now. I can only do traditional art for the near future until I raise enouhh to use my digitial mediums. Also accepting writing requests but keep in mind my typing is SLOWER right now. 

Pricing and portfolio can be found here, there is nsfw content included, it's my main type of drawing. https://www.f-list.net/c/rose%20commissions

This’s strictly art related, though I’m not that active on here anyways.

Moving over to patreon at https://www.patreon.com/Gay_fluffy_roses because the vast majority of what I draw/write is NSFW content and I hope to find some of y’all come over~

I never used to get why holiday season is the worst time for people battling with depression. In my life we’ve almost always managed. Last year I ended up at my step mom’s for christmas morning by mistake because she was too scared to drive. I don’t even remember thanks giving. A few years back the big box of ornaments we’ve always had was stolen in a move. And yeah, we’ve never replaced them. Same with the tree, that was in the box too. So for the last 2-3 years we’ve had a charlie brown tree basically. A few ornaments we got at the dollar store and a handful we managed to keep somehow. The tree itself came from my best friend and it’s about two feet tall. I know it’s dumb and superficial but the tree has always been important to me so that’s been upsetting the last few years. 

Holidays have been weird since after my dad passed(Colon cancer in 2016) but we’ve been managing. Mom went into rehab in the summer of 2017 and she’s over a year clean now. But bi-polar and acute psychosis are a nasty pair on their own. Add drug(prescription) and alcohol abuse to that list and you’ve got a mess. She’s been in the psych hospital three time since getting out. The first time was some six months ago. The second was less than a month ago and the last time was for nine days, she got back four ago.  So I’ve been alone, a lot, lately. She left suddenly and I’d already been having a shitty day, got a message that was incomprehensible and then later a call that wasn’t much better. Last time she went in with suicidal thoughts and hallucinations. She seemed better for all of three days. This time there’s been no improvement. She slurs so much and only shares a fifth of what she’s thinking and then doesn’t tell you when she’s jumping to the next conversation. Not to mention her serious memory issues. It’s just my mom and I. And things have gotten really bad. We get a thousand dollars a month from the government in disability and death benifits but for the last four months we’ve only gotten our food stamps. We’re on section eight and we still can’t afford to live here.

 For the majority of my actual childhood(I’m 18 now) we’ve lived in transitional homes. For a few short occasions we were flat out homeless, and once or twice we lived with her partners. Once with her drug dealer who was neglectful to me and I wasn’t fed unless mom was home. But we’re sort of on our own now. Her bridges were burned when she went to rehab. Her parents are abusive and with just as many mental issues. And things aren’t getting better. Part of the reason we aren’t getting enough income to keep floating right now is because of my attendance. School has never worked for me, I’m dumb, I’m aware of this and I get so sick of people telling me I’m not. I can never get myself to go because I’m either sick or just too fucking tired to get out of bed. So I’ve gone two days in the past three weeks. That’s it. Two days. Mom has a job, sort of, she works weekends as a doordash deliverer with her friend who has a car(we don’t) but she’s constantly missing because either her or that friend are just ‘not up to it today’ My grandparents(from my dad’s side) Gave us a thousand to at least get out of debt and that was only last month.

I’m already sort of estranged from them because I don’t know how to talk to them. Mom accidentally let it slip and they know I’m trans. My grandpa ignored it(It’s what he does best when he’s not shouting_ and my grandma told her they still accept me and that was around the same time they gave us the thousand and I still haven’t called them because I don’t know how to talk to them. Everything is falling apart, and usually people like to think of the good ole days but I don’t have those. There’s always been a problem. I’m already brushing over some much traumatic bullshit. Rape, verbal abuse, so much shit had come from the situations I was put in growing up that school just feels so pointless. I want to get a job to make things better but I already know I can’t handle both. 

I want to drop out, try later, get a job somewhere close by for now and just fucking pray that does anything good but I’m scared I’ll never get an education period. There’s a lot of pressure on that. My dad was a genius. The real sort, wrote scary realistic sci-fi and knew what he was talking about. My little sister is just as smart, she’s only eleven now and she reads at a senior level, she’s been able to build(With minor instructions) computer circuts since she was about eight. She’s so much fucking smarter and I don’t even understand simple math. Intelligence and kindness was all that mattered to my dad, he’d always been so fucking disappointed when I showed him an F grade, and another and another because no, it never got better. Everything has been permanently falling apart and it feels like it’s all on my shoulders now. My mom’s only fifty and because of how fucked up she is she’s essentially senile. 

I was never taught a damn thing about how to take care of myself so my teeth are falling out. Literally falling out. And we can’t even go to the dentist because there’s too much on our plates. She handles all the medical stuff and I don’t know how to step in even though my pills have been wrong every time she’s filled them for the last few months. I haven’t taken any of my medications in a week because now she can’t even find what happened to the prescriptions. The only shit I’ve got going for me is some minor writing and drawing skills but I never have the motivation anymore. And now with the holiday season, all these ads showing up everywhere I look, everyone talking about plans. All I can think is how I already skipped over Halloween this year(Even though my best friend have always done it together since middle school) because I just couldn’t do it. There’s food in the house but barely, I’m well aware it’s gonna run out soon like it always does so I often choose not to eat. That’s a habit I’ve had since we first applied for section eight. I’m diabetic, you’re not supposed to not eat. But I can’t get myself to eat anything when it feels like there’s nothing there. 

And I just keep thinking there’s no way we’re doing anything for thanksgiving this year. The school sent home with me some giftcards to get stuff but I know it’s never going to be enough. And then christmas is just around the corner. I get it now, the reason it’s so miserable is because all those ads do is serve as a painful fucking reminder of everything you don’t have. And it’s shoved in your face with people laughing and saying “but it’s chrismas, don’t be a grouch!” but that just makes it worse because now you’re not allowed to be upset. And it’s the worst possible time to not be. I keep losing my train of thought while writing this because there’s so much going on. And that adult abuse services or whatever it’s called(Essentially CPS) has now been called on my mom and we’re 95% sure it was her old best friend who is an absolute monster to her kids and has been screwing with our lives for months. The worst part is I’m pretty sure we’re going to be separated because things are BAD. And I feel so fucking selfish because for the most part I’ve stopped caring. And lately my mind has just been so nasty to me. People dropping off after saying they’re there for me, a friend I’d considered truly close telling me I’m bad for his mental health, an emotional burden, and that we were never friends. Penny(My only constant boyfriend for the last few months. I’m poly-amorous, not a cheat) never has the time of day for me, even when I’m telling him about all the crap going on. I haven’t been to counselling in over a month because I’m terrified to use ‘safe transportation’ like we used to. They leave you there for hours and there’s no better option so they just can. All of that isn’t helping, obviously. 

I don’t know if I’d call this a cry for help or some bullshit, really I don’t think anyone’s going to fucking see this anyways and if they do who the fuck even knows if anyone goddamn believes me because I’m eighteen and there’s noooooo reason to have any strife at that age. Bullshit. I’ve always had issues with being talked down to or being told ‘oh but there’s always someone who has it worse’ is that meant to make me feel better? I already constantly tell myself my problems are stupid and no one cares. I’m sick and tired of people pretending to care too. No, you don’t, none of you fucking do. The teacher’s only care about my attendance and I’m tired of them pretending that it’s anything more than that.  

Okay, so I stumbled across these a wild back, having seen a couple and immediately liking them(There's a tentacle one I've made a character with~) And I've been wanting to do one myself for some time SO. I'm doing one.

Rose pose pinup🌹

Back with another Saph drawing<3