And then I met Dominic when I was 12, and people could see how in love we were. And we got the shit beat out of us. The year I met him, some kids in the grade above me held me down against the bleachers in our gym and stomped on my hand until my fingers broke. Instead of sending me to the nurse, the teacher sent me to the assistant principal to explain the situation. She asked why the kids had beat me up. I said, “They were calling me gay.”

Her response was, “Well, are you?”

My, “I don’t know,” earned a call to my parents, and I was outed. Efforts were made to keep me from seeing Dom. Throughout high school, Dom’s stepmother intensified these efforts. He slept in the basement of the house. Although he was an incredibly talented student, he was prohibited from participating in any extracurriculars. He suffered a lot of physical abuse during those years.

The day he turned 18, he packed up everything he had and walked to my house, and we’ve lived together ever since. Things are better, but they’re not perfect. I’ve had trucks pull up next to me at stoplights and, seeing the pride sticker on my car, through old drinks and garbage into my window. I no longer speak to my dad’s side of the family. I haven’t been to see them for Christmas or Thanksgiving in years. One of my uncles had cornered me at Thanksgiving when I was 17 and said, “I’m not going to judge you, but I’d be happy to break your neck so God can do the judging a little sooner.”

I joined a support group for trans and intersex people. When I joined, 40 people attended regularly. Within the year, the group was half the size it had been. Some couldn’t make it anymore, because they were staying at the shelter, where their stay hinged on them agreeing to instead to attend homophobic sermons. Some were put in correctional therapy. Five of them died. Three of those, I didn’t know, but I knew Alex, the 19 year old who was fag-dragged in Kentucky and died a day later in the hospital, and I knew Stephanie, who went home to Alabama to care for her mom in hospice and was beaten to death with a baseball bat by her mom’s boyfriend.

Tumblr is not reality. The dynamic here does not reflect the dynamic out there. Here’s the part where I finally make a point, and it might be extremely unpopular - but guys, value your allies. Value each other. We are met with enough hate in our daily lives to enter an online safe-space and meet more hate from our own, over petty things. Don’t go after one another over every little thing you find problematic.

Learn to see nuance. Maybe the word “queer” bothers you, and you see a gay man using it as an umbrella term. Maybe someone called a trans man a trans woman because they’re confused about terminology, but the post where they did it was voicing support for the trans community. Maybe someone is just asking a question, wanting to learn more. Stop. Attacking. These. People.

Allies are being driven away. Members of our own community are being ostracized. Others are feeling nervous and estranged, and it’s largely because of places like Tumblr, where the social justice movement is quickly becoming violent and radical. I am begging you, stop nitpicking “problematic” things and start directing your efforts to create real change. When it comes to comes to your allies, forget the “social justice warrior” mentality and put down your torch. Educate calmly. Be respectful. Be understanding. Be forgiving. And I’m certainly not saying that your anger doesn’t have a good place - when you are met with bigots on the street, congress members who want to pass hateful laws, violent protesters, abusive parents, prejudiced teachers, that is when you need to be a warrior. That’s when it counts. In the real world. When you have the opportunity to protect people from real harm. Attacking your would-be allies via anonymous asks is just going to lose us ground in the long run. And we don’t have time for that, not when trans women of color are being murdered every day, not when states are still fighting against marriage equality, not when there are politicians in office who believe that trans people are possessed by demons, not when we’ve just lost 50 brothers and sisters to one gunman, not when the media won’t even admit that the attack was homophobic.

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore 

never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.

find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.

talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore

picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else

Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”

Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”

When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?

And it’s just as okay to be extremely alone and never let anyone touch you as it is to be extremely touchy feely and constantly have people around, and everything in between the two is just as good, so long as it suits your individual needs.

All im sayin, is don’t feel bad for wanting attention from others. It’s your instinct. You ACTUALLY DO need it and you arent bad in any way.

Hi guys! As promised, here is a simple, three steps method (packed with additional tips) that will help you become more disciplined.

If you apply these tips consistently a bit everyday, I promise you’ll see positive changes in your daily routine and that your study sessions will get less tedious.

1. Get yourself a planner

Or an agenda, or a bullet journal,… anything that will help you organize your days and schedule your activities.

Use it to keep track of all the things you need to do.

Additional tips :

- Use a color code to distinguish between your various activities

(For instance, here’s mine : Red = law school papers/compulsory activities ; green = sport ; pink = compulsory things that are not college related (doctor appointments, vet appointments for my pets, etc.) ; pink = domestic chores (laundry, cooking, etc.) and blue = spare time).

- If you opt for a bullet journal, decorate it as you wish, but do not lose time doing too elaborate things (not everyone is Picasso, right?)

Below, you’ll see the kind of bujo that I love! It’s neat, simple and straightforward.

- You can opt for a digital agenda and use your phone/computer/iPad to manage this BUT, do not forget that there will be times when you’ll need to switch ALL your electronics device off (= when you’re studying). So this might not be the more useful tool, but if you enjoy it, don’t hesitate using it.

P.S.: @emmastudies​ printables are just awesome to use on a daily/weekly/monthly basis! If you haven’t done it yet, check her studyblr and use her printables to build good, disciplined habits.

2. Know your rythm

As for anything, discipline requires that you know your rythm.

- Are you more productive in the morning or in the evening? - Do you feel drowsy after meals?

Always plan difficult subjects of demanding activities on the moments when you feel at the top of your capacities.

(For instance, I’m more productive in the mornings, so I always study a more difficult subject during my morning sessions. I feel sleepy after lunch, so I always plan some compulsory readings or some research at that time of the day and get back to “real” studying at around 2 p.m. And since I’m usually totally fed up with my books at around 6 p.m., that’s when I plan 30 to 45 minutes of sport).

Additional tips to become an early riser (if you’re more productive in the morning):

- Change your rythm step by step It’s no use trying to get up at 5 a.m. when you usually get up at 10 a.m.! Try to do it step by step and get up half an hour earlier every three days. Also, if you want to get up earlier go to bed earlier too. YOU NEED SLEEP to study and memorize effectively, so go to bed early if you need it!

- Have a shower in the morning and keep baths for the evening Showers will wake you up ; bath are more relaxing and will help you go to sleep.

3. Be gentle with yourself, but also learn to force yourself!

Of course, students need to be gentle with themselves. It’s no use blaming yourself because you “only” studied for 5 hours a day instead of 8 on your weekends –> progress is progress, no matter how small!

But sometimes, in order to overcome procrastination, we really need to force ourselves.

I’m sorry if you don’t want to read this, but if you want to become disciplined, there will be moments when you won’t feel like studying, but you will have to sit behind your desk, take your notes and books and start studying them.

There’s no miracle recipe here: sometimes, we HAVE TO be stronger than our feelings.

It’s hard, of course, but the result will be worth it. Don’t forget that success is at the other end.

Additional tips:

- Start at once Start studying as soon as you are showered, dressed and have breakfasted, Do not think about it: just go to your desk, check your planner/agenda, and start working on what you planned for the day.

The bigger the “gap” between your breakfast/shower and your study session will be, the more difficult it will be for you to start what needs to be done.  So, it’s better to start at once, without even thinking about it. 

Do that a few times, and it will become a real habit! 

- Take care of your study area

a) Clean and tidy your desk every night after you finish your daily work By doing this, you won’t lose time cleaning and tidying the next morning.

b) Prepare everything you’ll need for your next study session the night before Same objective here: everything will be ready for you to start studying at once! Do not forget to put an empty glass on your desk (this will remind you to stay hydrated) and to pack your fridge and kitchen with healthy snacks (fruits, veggies with hummus, almonds, etc.) that you’ll just have to grab when you want to take a break from your desk.

c) And don’t forget to make your desk area as appealing as possible Pin some motivational quotes on your wall; make a moodboard that will remind you why you are working so hard and what are your goals; put some pictures of your friends and family and imagine how proud they would be if they could see you right now!

- Try to avoid computers and phones when you do not need them

Of course, we need computers and phones to study. Most of universities and college make the study material available to students online; and some even organise online courses. Plus, many of us take notes with computers rather than with pen and paper.

But do not forget that computers and phones are the best way to procrastinate: you need to do some research on the web –> you end up spending an hour on Instagram.

So, use these devices carefully!

And if deep down into you, you know that you should avoid your computer/phone at all cost (because the temptation to do something else than studying will be too strong), then DO IT!

Instead of using your computer, take a pen and a sheet of paper and draw diagrams or mind maps with these, instead of using Free Mind (which is great, by the way, but “hand made” mind maps are too).

Same with flashcards: write them with a pen rather than with Quizlet (I love Quizlet too).

Besides training your discipline, you will train your hand. You will need this, since you’ll have to answer your exam with pen and paper (sometimes for 4 hours in a row, so your hand needs training, believe me. Otherwise, you’ll cry with pain once the exam is over).

Drink as much water as you can! Preferably 5-8 glasses during Suhoor, as much as you can tbh. Hydration is important. 

Don’t skip Suhoor. Seriously, don’t. Set 15 alarms if you have to but don’t skip it. Your body is relying on what you eat during that time for the entire day, you are harming your body by doing this. You are also dehydrating yourself which, in my experience, is one of the main reasons Muslims go to the hospital during Ramadaan. Skipping Suhoor also causes you to overeat during Iftar which can cause weight gain. You have to balance things out. Also…oats are really good for Suhoor.

Limit salty and fatty foods, try to reduce your intake of coffee. Coffee and salt will dehydrate you and make fasting harder. Fatty foods are just not healthy and can make you sluggish which will also make fasting difficult.

Don’t eat ‘till you’re full during Iftar! Your body is not going to handle that too well and you might even make yourself feel sick. Eat enough to be content and snack after. Eating in small increments will be easier on your body. And don’t eat unhealthy for Iftar, you have to take care of your body. 

By snacks I don’t mean cheetos and doritos…eat healthy food. Especially foods that are high in vitamins, iron, all that good stuff! Fruits and veggies are the way to go. 

Have lots of soup! Soups are a great way to not only a good way to hydrate but they are full of nutrients. Lentil soups are very good, so are vegetable soups. My personal favourite is Harira.

Eat easily digestible proteins. Chicken, turkey, eggs and fish are all easily digestible proteins. Eating heavier red meats all the time can fatigue your body and make fasting difficult. 

Eat whole grains and healthy fats to keep you moving! Healthy fats from olive oil, nuts, avocado, oily fishes like salmon and sardines will keep you full as will whole grains.

Never fast when you are sick, pregnant or on your period. You could do serious harm to your body if you are going thru any of those you need to eat to get well/have a safe pregnancy/not harm your body or cause yourself severe physical distress. To harm yourself in that way is haraam, don’t do it! Fasting while on your period is dangerous too so don’t do it! You need food and water. You can still participate without fasting. 

If you have/are recovering from an eating disorder and you are afraid that fasting will hurt you/cause a relapse, don’t fast. This also falls along the lines of taking care of your body. Don’t cause yourself harm. Use Ramadaan as a way to connect with yourself, your community and use this time to heal. 

Don’t fast while travelling. Travel is high stress and you need to have food and water. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) did not allow people to fast while travelling.