Just a random connection that occurred to me witb this chapter 136. Yor is caught up between two men in her life who she loves both, and struggles with how they depend on her and vise versa.
Yuri, her brother, who Yor loves unconditionally and she raised him on her own. Yuri absolutely is struggling to not be dependent on Yor. He wants to become a child around her as an adult to some extant. He's internally conflicted about it as chapters go on, and especially as this arc shows he's not in denial but still frustrated. He remains over the top, and for a while I did think it was almost like a bit. But he physically dies over Yor telling him "no, you're an adult, also i want to cuddle with my husband"
But then, Loid is just the foil to Yuri in the other direction. Loid/Twilight is so independent. That's part of his trauma and who he is and how war shaped him. His perfectionism is literally giving him stomach pain but he fears without perfectionism he'll not survive. Yor wants Loid to have depend on her, but he says "i'm not perfect enough as a spy" mentally. He's running away from Yor being intimately caring of him but also his body fails to follow his brain about it.
Yor is then stuck in the situation of, with Yuri, having a brother who won't stop bothering her even though he's older and can take care of himself. And Yor doesn't want Yuri to rely on her anymore, because what would the parenting have all been for?
And, with Loid, who she asked to continue the marriage. From Yor's perspective, Loid is the man she chose to be with -> she wants to take care of him, and her reasoning is perfect -> he's the first man who has reciprocated emotional needs she never realized she had. She wants him to fall apart, so she can do his laundry and make him breakfast at least once in a while. She loves him. And she has agency and can set conditions on this love for Loid (especially for when the eventual reveal may happen) unlike her inherent unconditional love for Yuri.
But Loid is currently trying to avoid all of that, because his childhood had parents and friends dying, father telling him he's not good enough, and just the lived reality of being a war orphan. Getting into a relationship is dangerous to his fragile emotional security.
If Yuri and Loid could swap their mindset, Yor's dealings with both of them would probably make her a whole lot happier. But, the point is Yuri and Loid are two sides of what I think Endo is articulating as what are the faults of relying on tools from childhood to live life when those tools aren't necessary as adults. And it leaves this question of who the child in Yor is innately (not the one Yuri remembers in flashbacks): what does it all mean for Yor to want to take care of an adult man she hardly knew, and in less than 6 months(?) after wanting to move on from needing to care for her baby brother because he's old enough to actually work for a living.
I think Yor's journey is learning how to want things for herself and prioritizing her own feelings. She spent her whole childhood and adult life prioritizing caring for her brother. She didnt have friends, or hobbies, or interests, or lovers. All she did was work, keep her head down, and be "normal".
Early on in the series, most of Yor's quieter moments were her not knowing who she even is. "What do i want?" "What does it mean to be normal" "why cant i be normal and connect with others?" "Why am i still doing this"
The Cruise arc was her finding a new purpose outside her brother. And as the series has gone on we have seen Yor grow to love and do things for HERSELF, and not just others. She loves spending time with Anya, she pushes herself to learn how to cook and actually enjoyed doing it, she trains with becky, has better relationships with her coworkers, and has friends she regularly gets together with.
And shes slowly falling inlove with a man who makes her happy and loved.
To a point where shes regularly putting boundaries with Yuri, the person she prioritized everything over, and telling yuri to leave their place or that she wants to cuddle with her husband. How much like Twilight started the series "for the mission" everything, Yor to a lesser degree was doing a similar "for my cover story so that my brother doesnt learn im an assassin". But now her motivation is how she wants to keep this fake relationship going, not for yuri, or for her cover, but for herself. Because shes found this man shes falling inlove with, and this adorable daughter she adores, and she doesnt want to lose that. Inface she wants to be even close, she wants it to be REAL.
While loid and yuri spend the entire chapters clinging to their sense of normalcey and resisting change that makes them confront feelings theyre uncomfortable with, Yor is confronting change head on. She wants to be physically confortable with the man she loves, even tho it makes her uncomfy and she had to get a little tipsy, for the first time in the entire series, yor did something that made her blush without reacting with violence to avoid how she felt.
