Shit that happened this week that almost made me lose my mind
// Today, my two year old brother got a hold of scissors. My mom immediately rushed over to grab them, so he threw them to hide it. When she can close to him, he held his hand over hiface ad shoulders (bracing for impact) because he thought he was going to get hit.
// it's just really sad and disappointing when even your two year old kid, who barely understands anything, is scared of you and getting hit.
// I'm a babysitter for my three younger cousins, a 10 year old, a 7 year old, and a 5 year old. They make messes all the time, they're kids, at least they try their best to clean up after themselves when they make messes (except for the 5 year old). Today, my mom comes home and sees that her kitchen was a bit messy.
// She gets mad, and has a stern talking-to with me, telling me how i need to watch the girls properly and clean up everytime she comes home from work. I tell her that I try, but she doesn't believe me. She tells me that I need to be more strict with them and take no shit.
// she tells me to practice being strict with my 5 year old brother.
// It felt awkward. I boss him around sometimes, sure, I have flaws that I am working on. But my mom tried to force down her parenting skills onto me, and it didn't feel right at all. I was so disappointed and stressed at that point, it was the first time I ever denied my mom's orders right in front of her. I told her no. She kept insisting and I kept telling her no, I wouldn't do it. I was starting to cry, and my mom noticed that. But did she stop? No. She didn't
// I eventually comply and do what she says, and it killed me inside.
// My mom started talking on the phone with somebody, and I hear her talking about me, so I listen. She mocks me over the phone, she put words in my mouth that I never said to her, she makes me seem as if I am an irresponsible babysitter an I'm th one at the wrong. (It made me feel like complete shit, knowing how my mom talks about me behind my back) Her justification? "You don't have to do as much as I do."
// She works 40 hours a week + overtime, she comes home and sits down in front of the TV, usually orders take-out. Me? I babysit kids who don't want to listen to me, deal with mental health issues that plague my everyday life, I hide parts of myself from certain people and it kills me slowly, I have to deal with suicidal thoughts and thoughts of running away, I have to deal with the fear and worry that she'll yell at me yet again and swear at me and my cousins again. I have basically raised my siblings, I've bathed them, I've played with them, I've taught them how to stay protected, and so much more.
//She was on my phone, helping me work out Messenger, when a notification popped up "cause-a-gay-has-got-to-slay just posted"
// "cause a gay has got to slay? What?" She clicks on the notif and finds Tumblr. I start panicking right there, worried about the things I've written about her, how many times I've cursed in posts, about how I'm trans. But I was lucky enough to have her not look through it anymore after I lied to her and said that I knew them irl.
The other day, after my mom had come home on her break and yelled at me and my cousins to clean up and swearing at us left and right, making two of them cry. After she left, I had a breakdown in front of my cousins. I HATE crying in front of people, but I just couldn't hold it in, which was the whole deal about one of my posts that repeatedly said I hate my mom. Someone sent me a phone number to text (741741 if you need to use it) for someone to talk with you through your problems. I'm not gonna go into detail about what we talked about, but it obviously wasn't happy stuff.
Tl;dr: I hate my mom for numerous reasons, and these are only from just this week.
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