MLP Infection AU Autism Edition

What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

you've taught me to count blessings I didn't know were mine

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

customers the same in all universes

this is it. this is the best response i’ve ever received on this post. everyone pack up, go home, we’re done here

When we choose to avoid history because it's Problematic or Says Bad Things, we are choosing to divorce ourselves from understanding how we came from that time to this one, which makes it even more likely for the cycle to repeat, with no one but a few people with shelves of old books aware that it's happened before.

do you not fuck with my new wave penis

my 37 year old vampire girlfriend keeps telling me i simply don't understand the woes of immortality as if I didn't also own a VHS player or visit a blockbuster a few times as a kid

she keeps staring off into the distance saying those shit like "those as youthful as you know not what horrors lie in your past" even though we both know damn well she's talking about the 2008 financial crash

And people really do try to interact with fandom like consumers! They want « content ». They act like they can get a refund on reading a fic they don’t like. They add fanfics to goddamned goodreads without a second thought without realizing that’s as ridiculous as adding your friend’s dining room as a restaurant on yelp just so you can post a review about it

#just opening livejournal would have killed you instantly

Treating fandom like retail never does good things.

Buran Orbiter

Okay and the left one?

dogy

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway