My daughter had a bad day yesterday.
Sweeney is in middle school now, almost in highschool at this point.
Our life together has been, difficult. And that's not explicitly because of being a younger parent or the socioeconomic factors that vexate and conspire to destable.
Sweeneys mother has had profound sickness and mental illness throughout her existence.
Sweeney is generally very fun and jovial, but more stoic and disassociative regarding her feelings about her mother. Her mother's patentification of her has clearly caused her to want to frame he feelings based on the need of some one she cares about.
For years I've tried to be supportive of Sweeneys mom. I always figure, if I liked you enough at one point to fuck, there always has to be a throughline for communication. While I've found that to be mostly true it is dependent on the other parties capacity to change expectations and behavior.
As Sweeney entered into Middle School, her mother's mental health took a dive and entered into a space very public interference in my daughter's life.
I have a funny relationship with shame and embarrassment. But my daughter, through her disassociative behavior doesn't acknowledge those feelings readily or publicly. Sweeney's mother has had lost physical custody of her daughter and is no longer allowed to have her unsupervised as of October 2025 (current date March 19th, 2026).
The administration at Sweeneys school knows about the circumstance. Her teachers know as well. She's recieving a good amount of accomodations from her teachers in a sympathetic gesture.
Sweeney had a terrible day yesterday. Just awful by the sounds of it. All the most negative things a teen dreads happened at once. On her period, falling on stage during a performance, feeling like she didn't have control, feeling indebted to teachers who have shown "grace".
My daughter called me crying from the bottom of her being and told me she felt embarrassed last night and that she needed me.
I've never in my life felt so helpless. I've never felt so angry at circumstance. I've never meant it more when Ive said "I'm so sorry".
I've never hated her mother more.
Things have been, not great. I've really struggled with trying to hold steadfast. But we're more than cracking at this point.
I volunteer often. I show up too much. I'm too patient. I break relationships because at some point i just need to be human, however in that horrific deep emotional harm i cause I know it's a break in the character that i am. It's just the most human aspect. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just trying to write again? Is anyone here anymore?
