the strident hisses of a nobody

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

It just shifted to spanking your puppy’s ass, to make them take that thick knot. Like the good little play thing they are.

i don't really think it's like that at all

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

my tea bag broke

Guy who is about to give birth to leafs

#proudparent

Whats the deal with the shambling corpse thats been following us for weeks

wait is this ask implying that it’s not normal to have multiple fingers. How many fingers do you have? Where are you from

If you start reading books again, you’ll feel at least a little better. I promise.