Evil Angel

The ability to have nice conversations with strangers and especially store employees will save your everyday life from greyness

Truthfully this is why I love the bastard man and probably why Cid deals with his shenanigans.

i went at not writing island and saw all of you there

"it's a tv show" "it's not real" i don't care. NO SHOES ON THE BED

kid in the library just said "a VILLAIN who lives in the MOON is after us" so keep an eye out for that today guys

The view from Calvin's neighbor's house.

"why do you know that" i am curious about the world around me

it’s so fucked up when you see something you KNOW is a portal to somewhere but you can’t figure out how to activate it. this is the most frustrating feeling that plagues modern man.

I’ve seen this post easily 12 times now and EVERY TIME it’s just a different cat looking at a different door. 

you fuckers arent even ready for when i become badass evil black and purple fire dragon

frothing at the mouth because my friend suggested a drunk shakespeare play where every single actor is drunk except for horatio and he has to try to keep the play on track while still having his own part to play

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

if you have to rely on specific scripts or turns of phrase to socialise that's totally fine, but you must NOT reveal them to your friends while slightly drunk. it's like showing how the magic trick works, you can't do it in front of them afterwards

i like dogs a lot but i can never remember the differences between breeds (apart from the few types i've actually owned/interacted with). but i know people looove their dogs and love talking about their dogs, so whenever im talking to a dog owner i'll ask what breed it is, and no matter what breed they say i'll say "oh! i've heard they have a really nice nature :D" and they always go YESSS THEY'RE GREAT and start gushing about their dog and we have a nice conversation and i build social credit with this person. anyway i told my friends about this script a few weeks ago when slightly drunk and now every time we're in public together and a dog goes past they turn to me and ask "does that one have a nice nature?" im in a hell of my own making