A Chrestomathy

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

literally: to get on someone's lace

to get on someone's nerves

which is a pretty mundane sentence. but it's a lot less mundane when it's coming from the emperor of three planets who once drunkenly "fell" out a window and ran away to accidentally work in construction, and is one of two people who can consistently outscheme Miles Vorkosigan. He has the kind of pent up rage that can only be amassed by a lifetime of sitting through meetings with the dullest people alive. He is a quiet, mild mannered man who itches to watch the world burn.

Brad MarcHOUND I love you and your 12 pet rats. Not only are you leading the league in chirping minutes you're leading the league in HOW CUTE YOU ARE. 5/5 for being such a cute chirpy boy.

Cutter Go-Fetch-Ier I fully believe you're going to make fetch happen you're so cute. 15/5 because of your little brown eyebrows.

Cole Pawfield you ARE a good dog YOU ARE. 6/5 for being so cute in that giant tarp.

Macklin Celewienie I love you so much you're gonna make it to Middle Earth I just know it. 1000000000/5 for being a generational talent.

Kris Lefang I want to cup you between my palms and hold you up to a mirror so you can see how cute you are. 11/5 but would score higher if Alex Letang was posting videos making fun of you on instagram during your playoff run.

I do not support the man you are named after but Zeev Boop-Em is objectively the best name. What a guy you are, Boop-em. You're definitely gonna win the race for Boopmaster General. 5/5 and a boop for your service.

I'm going to carry the image of this dog trying to eat his helmet in my heart always. 100/5 that helmet doesn't stand a chance against your training.

Image from Mattia Giegher’s Trattato delle piegature, a 1629 treatise on the art of napkin folding.

Before joining them in 2014, he was offered a job with Apple to work on battery tech (but turned it down).

Started in the analytics department and since hired neuroscientists and mechanical engineers for the NHL team.

It’s paywalled so pasting a bit below: https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/6286244/2025/04/20/carolina-hurricanes-gm-eric-tulsky-nhl-playoffs/

“In 2021, Tulsky was the Carolina Hurricanes assistant GM and had built a small analytics department in the organization, with a web developer, a data engineer and a neuroscientist helping him lead the team’s push into new frontiers for the sport.

But because of what he saw in the tracking data, Tulsky believed his next addition needed to be someone who was working on autonomous vehicles — perhaps “a robot submarine,” he says now — and had an advanced mechanical engineering background.

“I knew that that was the kind of problem that put people thinking about the kinds of data that we had and the kinds of problems we faced,” Tulsky explained.

It goes without saying that there aren’t many robot submarine engineers working in NHL front offices. So Tulsky began a deep search through universities’ mechanical engineering departments.

He would scour the faculty listing and professors’ research interests to see if they might align with what he was looking for, then reach out to learn more about their work. He started with the top schools in Canada, reasoning that there was a greater chance he would find someone interested in working on a hockey problem.

And that was how an NHL team came to fund the PhD research of a young engineering student named Jonathan Arsenault at McGill University in Montreal.

His thesis, the first to be backed by a professional hockey team? “Quantitative Analysis of Hockey Using Spatiotemporal Tracking Data.”