(to the tune of waterloo by ABBA) water blue! sometimes is green due to algal bloom!

“why do you have a gap in your resume” idk why is there a gap in your staff. worry about that

marriage before thirties is so insane because you're barely a person yet

divorce before thirties however is chic beyond comprehension

WHO tf keeping pads with no wings in production?? Put it in your draws and by the time you walk out the bathroom it’s down the street buying scratch offs at the corner store. Like girl

it's actually sick you get tired of eating the same food over and over when some animals they just eat grass all day mind you. just another pointless challenge mechanic added in by big universe to get you to go to the grocery store

I'm thinking about this post and i have decided that it is one of those things that is a poem in some undefinable way

squidward, meaning "in the direction of squid"

forget touching grass i need to touch chest hair

there are corners of this website where the year is still 2013. and sometimes, on beautiful nights when the veil is thin, you can find them . if you know where to look

“do you know where you’ll be headed in 5 years?” no. but i do know about themes and motifs. and friendship. and putting garlic on everything

call my bitch a golf course the way shes got 9 holes. thats right nine holes. niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine holes, baby!!! nine holes

either you’re jerkin off with me, or you’re jerking off against me

You ever notice how a washing machine 10 minutes is actually about 17 minutes human time