Feral Snipress

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

"are you gonna take those pills the rest of your life?" you mean my molecules? why surely you wouldn't deprive me of my molecules. they are shaped exactly just so, you see. my molecules

do you know how hard someone had to work to make my molecules into their molecule shapes??

they invented a new shape of molecule just for me and you want me to what, not absorb it???

reblog to remind somebody about their molecules

people who shape molecules at their jobs found this post and they're in the notes being happy to be appreciated. go take your fucking molecules

quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.

Well currently they’re in a tumblr post but I see your point

we're actually in a youtube video if this turns out to be funny enough

AAAC (Assigned Asexual At Crash)

[plain text: “yeah, except for the ones who didn’t” end plain text ]

The Ones Who Walk Into Omelas With Kevlar Vests And Samurai Swords And Desert Eagles And Stare Down All Those Wicked Unrighteous Sinners In Their Droves And Proceed To Totally Fucking Waste Them All In A High Octane Action Sequence That Kicks Insane Amounts Of Ass Think The Raid If It Was Directed By John Woo But When They Finally Get To The Door Of The Basement Where They Keep The Kid Oh Shit It's The Fucking King Of Omelas And He's Wielding The Cursed Obsidian Blade Of The Underworld And They Gotta Waste Him Too But He's Incredibly Fast And Strong Thanks To All The Power He's Getting From The Kid And He Kills Almost All Of Them Until The Leader Draws Him Out With A Double Feint That Leaves Him Wide Open And Cuts His Fucking Head Clean Off With A Single Perfect Stroke And Then They Finally Open The Door To The Basement And Free The Kid

#The amount of people in the notes going wow I like this story so much better. #Gee I wonder why that is. I wonder why you like a joke that reimagines a metaphor for your own complicity in the machine of cruelty #as a story where there are truly good people and there are bad people Who Need To Die to free a prop without agency that symbolizes the #weak you feel guilty about exploiting. #and from that shame you have constructed an identity around using violence to free the exploited from the REAL bad people #who are never you or someone you know or another person somewhere close but always The Other. The Enemy. #which is the default story told in american art and many empires across the globe. #Who can say. #Some little maggot in my brain: you think this fucks too you pretentious normie. #Me: well yeah because I'm a hypocrite. I'm just saying though.

The Ones Who Walk Into Omelas With Kevlar Vests And Samurai Swords And Desert Eagles And Stare Down All Those Wicked Unrighteous Sinners In Their Droves And Proceed To Totally Fucking Waste Them All In A High Octane Action Sequence That Kicks Insane Amounts Of Ass Think The Raid If It Was Directed By John Woo But When They Finally Get To The Door Of The Basement Where They Keep The Kid Oh Shit It's The Fucking King Of Omelas And He's Wielding The Cursed Obsidian Blade Of The Underworld And They Gotta Waste Him Too But He's Incredibly Fast And Strong Thanks To All The Power He's Getting From The Kid And He Kills Almost All Of Them Until The Leader Draws Him Out With A Double Feint That Leaves Him Wide Open And Cuts His Fucking Head Clean Off With A Single Perfect Stroke And Then They Finally Open The Door To The Basement And Free The Kid

#The amount of people in the notes going wow I like this story so much better. #Gee I wonder why that is. I wonder why you like a joke that reimagines a metaphor for your own complicity in the machine of cruelty #as a story where there are truly good people and there are bad people Who Need To Die to free a prop without agency that symbolizes the #weak you feel guilty about exploiting. #and from that shame you have constructed an identity around using violence to free the exploited from the REAL bad people #who are never you or someone you know or another person somewhere close but always The Other. The Enemy. #which is the default story told in american art and many empires across the globe. #Who can say. #Some little maggot in my brain: you think this fucks too you pretentious normie. #Me: well yeah because I'm a hypocrite. I'm just saying though.

like the betrayal’s always going to be worse if they cared about you and it didn’t matter. someone discards you because they didn’t give a shit, then you can be angry about that, you can feel vindicated in that, you can get over it. but if they can look you in the eyes and say “I love you. I would make the same choice again.” You will never sleep peacefully again, is all.

okay. something about the way i worded this is making people think this is a vent thing about real relationships. and it’s fine if that’s where it took you. but i feel like i need to be transparent here: this be blorboposting. karlach cliffgate and her terrible awful no good very bad betrayal.

sorry i will never understand cis grief. your daughter is living her best life and going around with friends and feeling like a human being. your son doesn’t feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin anymore and can actually smile. your children are happy and no longer see their existence as the worst thing in the world. why are you grieving this lmao. grow up.