AimxAim

For those wondering this is 100% real and I’m furious about how funny it is

My ideal date? You release me into the wild to hunt me for sport on your remote island BUT I’m not very good at hiding so you find me within 20 minutes. You hold the gun to my face but there is something so earnest in my eyes and hands that you cannot carry through. You pick me up and carry me back to your mansion. I am so polite and charming that you nurse me back to health. You grow to love and trust me despite the fact you’re holding me hostage after I fell of a charter vessel bound for Brazil. You buy me new clothes and have them shipped to the island. I kiss you good morning every day. You propose marriage. I accept. We skype in a priest and get married with the butler as our witness. That night I kill you and the butler. I redistribute your wealth. I live in the mansion on the abandoned island for the rest of my days. I study snail ecology. I never remarry. You were the love of my life but you were too dangerous and evil to live. I am buried next to you. The tides eventually wash our bodies away. Into the depths of the ocean, together.

id go to like, an olive garden

catgirls this catgirls that well what about ratgirls

me: *turns up to court in a fursuit* “hi I’m your public defurnder :3c”

me: *tears in my eyes begging the judge* ill plead guilty if you arrest them too

It was kind of a dick move to create animals that require air, then confine them to the freaking ocean

They were what now?

Mother Nature, come out here I just want to talk

It’s important to mention that we now know dolphins will probably never need to develop true water breathing, because the fact that they breathe air from the surface is actually an ADVANTAGE for them. They get more oxygen at once than an animal with gills and it permits a much higher, more energized activity level for longer periods of time. They are murderous monsters empowered by their access to the forbidden air

there is not a single role chris pratt does that jack black couldn’t do better

at the people saying jack black couldn’t play star lord: why? no really, go ahead and tell me. I think I know the answer but I want to hear you say it.

Fuck dude you really can’t

This is the first ad I’ve seen on here that actually fits tumblr’s demographic