speaking from experience, if you're a lesbian and you're attracted to a trans man then two options present themselves to you:
realize that you don't really see him as a man, or :
accept that you can be attracted to a man
a fork in the road like this would be a great place to examine your bioessentialist transphobia, but instead of doing that you can just ascend to a new enlightened plane and reach queer level 100 by deciding "welllll trans men can be lesbians"
a lot of advanced level 100 enlightened queer thinking is really just bioessentialism in disguise frankly
like, no, it's actually not level 100 gender to expect trans women to top you, you just see her as a man and instead of examining your transphobia you're pretending you exist on the next plane of queer thought high above us bottom feeders who foolishly think having a penis might not necessarily mean she wants to perform a traditionally masculine role for you in the bedroom
a lot of trans women I've met who initially discuss enjoying topping their partners have, over time, after getting space from the expectation to top, said that they've stopped enjoying topping and no longer want to do it
certainly a lot of trans women genuinely enjoy topping, but I think it's a lot fewer than many people imagine. we just aren't being given the space to genuinely explore what we want, often thanks to the presence of enlightened level 100 queers who see us as naive fools for thinking we might not want to top. how simple we are for not considering that Women Can Top Too! it's actually more radical for women to top! 😁
no amount of pretending to be an advanced queer thinker can paper over the fact that you expect trans men to be like women in their sexualities and you expect trans women to be like men in our sexualities. you are not level 100 you're level 1
"you can be anything labels don't mean anything" yadda yadda whatever but why do you always mysteriously seem to apply labels and expectations based on assigned sex? hm?
