sometimes i’m like “i should buy some orange juice! i love it i don’t know why i never have it in the house” and then i get some and i remember it’s because some kind of dormant Scurvy Prevention Instinct activates within me like a sleeper agent trained to seek and destroy, except it’s just me standing in front of the open fridge at two in the morning chugging juice straight out of the carton like a crazed citrus gremlin 

you want your city to be walkable and bikeable? what's next? suckable? fuckable?

World Heritage Post

take your bra back off boy we just solved a murder

song: in the hall of the mountain king

that is honestly one of the best-timed and best-edited videos as if the music were made for the text or the text were made to the music and perfectly

she’s a 10 but she rots in her room all day listening to music and making up scenarios in her head

The peacock. The music. The person leaping over a tombstone. The cemetery. It just works.

“GRAVE PEACOCKING” IM DEAD

well other than that mrs. kennedy how was the drive

new rule is you aren't allowed to say you like dilfs if you insult guys who are balding/have a receding hairlines or are fat. if by "dilf" you mean "30 year old" gtfo. how are you gonna claim to like older men and then get upset when they aren't the airbrushed version of age you wanted? us real dadfuckers will smooch his bald head

calling a work of fiction "saccharine and masturbatory" to indicate that it is awesome. just like sugar and cranking off

well other than that mrs. kennedy how was the drive

“ough” is such a raw emotion i dont think i could live without it