Some highlights include:

Ransom walking past the kitchen balancing a tower of hockey pucks on his head.

Holster miming a dramatic battle with an invisible enemy, complete with an over the top, drawn out “death”.

Dex walking into frame, lying face down on the floor and just staying there unmoving for a full minute.

Shitty doing a handstand and walking past on his hands. He’s also wearing a shirt for once, not that it makes much of a difference because it ends up falling down over his face.

Nursey walking backwards and forwards past the kitchen every 30 seconds on the dot, each time wearing a slightly different but equally bizarre outfit.

Lardo throwing paper planes across the kitchen behind Bitty, trying to land them in the rubbish bin.

Tango likes to peek around the doorway and hold up pieces of paper saying hello to Bitty’s viewers.

The team learns that Whiskey can moonwalk when he casually does so down the hallway.

At first Jack doesn’t join in much, but there was a great moment when he realised that Bitty was filming as he was walking past, froze like a deer in headlights, then tried to sneak off-camera in the most awkward way possible.

As time goes on Jack starts to participate more and more in small, simple ways like moving stuff behind Bitty. He’s also the most likely to lose by interrupting the video because he can’t resist chirping Bitty, that boy is hopeless.

But once, during a Valentine’s day video at some stage after they come out, he does manage to sneak a whole heap of roses into the kitchen one by one.

Chowder is the undeniable winner with the time he stood in the background for an entire video, acting out all of Bitty’s instructions as if he were in an infomercial, and Bitty never once noticed he was there.

lardo: you can

jack: what

jack: so we can just. get married.

lardo: yes. also it’s been legal in canada since like 2005...?

jack: WE COULD’VE BEEN MARRIED SINCE 2005?!

Or just started calling each other by their own last name like the married nerds they were.

And the change in height is so perfectly subtle I just really love this scene bc you know exactly what's happening without it being said and it's just so good like wow

Jack having to hang out with Bitty’s parents. Pre-game. All by himself.

I keep imagining them at like the local Olive Garden getting dinner before the game. Jack is sweating profusely he’s so nervous. Jack and Coach end up having the most AWKWARD small talk of all time, but both of them are somehow genuinely enjoying the conversation? Like.

Coach: Caught the Falcs on TV the other night. Good game. Jack: Oh, yeah. Thanks. Pretty good season, eh? Coach: Yep (Pause) Jack: Uh, how is your deck coming along? Coach: Fine, just fine. Got all the foundations down last week.  Jack: Nice Coach: Yep

Suzanne is listening to all this about to lose her mind, texting Bitty under the table.

Suzanne: Dicky, they’re talking about the merits of different hardware stores now! Bitty: Oh NO. I’m so sorry I’m not there to save you :( Suzanne: I have to say, you are kind of dating the Canadian version of your father Bitty: Mama, you take that back!!! Bitty: But yeah, I know :/

Jack: Rick, the NFL draft. Discuss.

Jack: Suzanne what have you been baking lately

What if Bitty realized that he couldn’t take a check much earlier on and he ended up playing goalie for his high school club? He still ends up at Samwell, but under Johnson. He’s quick and agile. Can easily do the splits. And every one just passes off the baking obsession with being a “goalie thing”. 

Fast forward to him playing in a beer league in Providence. The Falconers (as all teams do) have their pulse on the local teams and have asked him to be their EBUG. He loves it. He gets to bring his gear to all the games, watch from the press box, it’s great. Sometimes, he even gets to warm up with the guys. 

Then, the unthinkable happens. Snowy is injured and the back up knows he’s getting the net. No biggie, but their usual pull ups from their AHL affiliate are on a roadie in Bakersfield. So, he gets to suit up and stretch out before the game. Which is all well and good. The back ups will be on a plane that evening and in Providence by the next day. Bitty figures he’ll get to watch from the bench and is practically vibrating with excitement. He’s 5′7″ (so he fudged the number just a touch) and it’s not completely unheard of to have such a short goalie. Toronto’s actual back up is 5′7″. Then, 5 minutes left in the second period and the Falc’s number two goalie goes down, hard. The trainers have to help him off the ice. 

Bitty’s eyes go wide as the Falconer’s Head Coach turns to him and slaps him on the back. “Guess you’re it, kid.”

The goalie coach tries to impart a bit of wisdom in his ear about not over-committing, try not to leave the crease, and for fuck’s sake don’t try to make a clever play that shit’s reserved for crazy people like Flower. 

Bitty skates onto the ice and he knows people in the booths are trying to find out anything and everything they can about him as quickly as possible. Considering his current job description is baker … well, he hopes he does good enough that they aren’t cursing his name by the end of the night.

The rest of the Falcs lineup come out and tap him on the helmet. He overhears Zimmermann whisper to Mashkov, “He’s so small.”

Tater chuckles, “You worry too much, Zimmboni. We up by two.”

The five minutes remaining of the second period are a bit of a blur. The Falcs were determined to not let anything get past their blue line to challenge him, and he had to admit that he didn’t really mind that at all.

Then came intermission. He didn’t really chat much with the guys. Marty and Thirdy came over and gave him some rather inspirational quotes about it not mattering how he got there, that he was officially an NHL player. Then, the goalie coach came over and got to work trying to help him make a couple of tweaks from what he could remember from warm ups and the tape he had pulled out of thin air from Samwell and the beer league.

Third period was a very different period. It seemed that the Whalers had decided that they could get an easy win in twenty minutes and make up for being down two on the EBUG. And it was brutal. Bitty stopped 15 shots in those twenty minutes. And for the life of him, he couldn’t have said how. He just knew that he’d be sore in places he didn’t realize he had for the next week.

He about cried when he was told that he got a star of the game and got to go out and pass off a stick to a fan. And he did cry when the crowd gave him a standing ovation. 

The next day, at work, was wild. The owner changed their normal satellite radio channel to NHL Radio. Every time his name was mentioned, or “the baker from Providence”, the regular customers would cheer and clap. It was enough to make Bitty blush and want to hide behind the counter. But, it was a regular enough day until mid-afternoon when two large men strode in the door.

“I am telling you. We want to eat whatever little goalie is making if he moves like that. I am hoping he recommends blueberry for leg over head move.”

“You’re mother is a figure skater, Tater. I’m sure you know a better name for it than that.”

“I do. It is arabesque. But, simple hockey jocks from uncivilized countries that do not appreciate ballet not so likely to know word. I simplify for you.”

Bitty tried to retreat to the kitchen when he was caught, spun around and presented to the Falconers like one of his prize winning apple pies. “Boys, I hope you are looking for our local celebrity.”

Mashkov cheered. “Little goalie! It is nice to see face! What you think Zimmboni?”

Jack nodded. “Thanks. You really came through for us.”

Tater grunted in dissatisfaction. “All you have? He stop total of 16 shots from arch-enemy Whalers and you just have thanks?” Tater shook his head. “Want to invite you to practice for week. Work with goalie coach and make better. Then, maybe take to dinner. Don’t you think, Jack?”

“What?” Jack’s eyes were as big as saucers.

“I say you take cute little baker to dinner after practice. You said after game that ‘was shame such pretty eyes covered by so much mask’. I fix for you.”

Jack’s jaw dropped and he tried to splutter out any excuse that he could muster. Instead all he managed was, “But I don’t even know what he likes to eat.”

Bitty had quickly realized that hardass Jack Zimmermann was actually a giant dork and he was being prodded in the back by his meddling boss. “I haven’t eaten at Giordian’s yet. I’ve heard it is nearly impossible to get a reservation.”

Tater slapped Jack on the back and grabbed him by the arm. “See! Now you have date with cute goalie. Say thank you Tater.”

“Thank you, Tater?” Jack managed, but still solidly confused by what had just happened.

Read it on AO3 HERE

Minako swept into the onsen carrying a bottle of sake and three huge bags. “Where are they,” she demanded as she strode towards Toshiya. She handed the sake over to him with a slight bow.

Toshiya took the sake from her with another graceful bow before stepping out from behind his counter and leading her back into the family space. There, bundled up on the cushions in their living room, Hiroko reclined with a small bundle in her arms. Her face was drawn, but her smile was as wide and welcoming as always as she greeted Minako. Minako sank down on a cushion next to her and peered down at the little package. She gasped when a little head turned her way and large eyes blinked up at her.

“Oh Hiroko, Toshiya, he’s precious,” she said. “I brought things from tour for him and for Mari-chan. Oh! And I just finished the renovations on that studio above the bar so I’ll be starting dance classes there shortly. I know you were looking for something for Mari-chan to burn off some energy.”

——–

“Minako-senpai, we’re here!” Hiroko exclaimed as she came into the studio with Yuuri on her hip and Mari holding her hand. Mari reluctantly let go of her mother’s hand and walked over to join the group stretching near the barre.

Minako smiled and walked over to gather Yuuri up from Hiroko before going to the front of the studio and starting class with the tiny figure in her arms. His eyes tracked from her face to the small children in front of her and he buried his face in her shoulder. Minako kept holding him through the entire first part of the class, making him giggle when she suddenly whirled up onto her toes demonstrating the spin for her beginners. It was only when everyone moved to the barre and she had to make corrections that she surrendered him back to his mother.

——–

Minako rested her head in her hand leaning against the table as she drank and watched the soccer game playing on the TV in the onsen lounge. Toshiya and his friends were cheering and dancing around the room, but she was quietly waiting for the game to end so that she could claim the TV for the start of the skating program. Yuuri was sitting next to her, calmly playing with some blocks and tuning out the ruckus around them.

One block toppled off the pile and rolled out of his reach. Minako watched as the little one struggled to reach his arms further and his little face puckered up in concentration. After struggling for several moments, she could see him start to put some pieces together as he put his hands down on the edge of the table and wiggled back and forth to gather his chubby legs under his diapered butt. He rocked back and forth a couple of times and then pushed up off the ground, holding the table edge and putting his feet firmly underneath him. Minako’s eyes widened as Yuuri stood for the first time and reached out to get his block. He was wobbly, but standing.

“Hiroko!! Toshiya!!” the excited woman called out, “He did it!”

Hiroko bustled out of the kitchen with her hands already over her mouth. She was smiling so widely, but a little tear shone in her eyes when she saw her baby supporting himself on the table. Toshiya wrapped his arm around his wife as the group watched Yuuri get his block. Even the customers in the room stopped celebrating long enough for the chubby hand to wrap around the block and drag it back. 

Then, just as suddenly as he’d stood, Yuuri plopped back down on his butt, looking startled at how fast the descent had happened. His chin wobbled, but before he could start to cry, Minako had him gathered up in her arms, snuggling him close. Hiroko dropped to her knees next to them and the two women cooed and praised the baby for how big and strong he was.

——–

Mari shuffled into the class with a pout on her face. Hiroko followed slowly, bent over slightly to let Yuuri hold her finger as he toddled beside her. Minoko looked up and clasped her hands over her mouth at the sight of Yuuri’s stumbling steps.

Oh Hiroko, look at him,” she breathed out.

“Yeah, he’s getting into everything,” Mari muttered to the girl next to her at the barre.

“Brothers.” the girl grumbled back as they shared a moment of sibling camaraderie.

“Minako, watch this,” Hiroko said as she stood next to Yuuri and gently shook his hand free from her finger, “Yuuri, show Minako what you practiced with Mari today.”

Yuuri looked up to his mother and then over to Minako and Mari with his big eyes and took a tiny step back. 

“Go on, you can do it,” Hiroko encouraged. 

Yuuri stepped forward again and looking over to make sure Hiroko was watching him, raised both arms up over his head and rose up on his tiptoes, turning himself in a slow and wobbly, but very clear dance spin. Coming to stop facing Minako again, he very slowly and carefully shifted his weight to one foot and lifted the other in a tiny arabesque. 

Minako cheered, “Beautiful Yuu-kun!”

Yuuri looked up at her and stuck one finger in his mouth, chewing on it nervously as he peeked over at his sister. Mari sighed and stuck her arms out towards him. Yuuri toddled across the room and Mari gave him a hug and a pat on his head.

“Good boy, that was just as we practiced,” she said. Yuuri beamed.

——–

Yuuri clung to his mom’s hand as he used his other hand to fiddle with the hem of his shirt as they walked over to the studio together.

“Are you excited to start classes today?” Hiroko asked.  Yuuri hummed and nodded his head vigorously. He’d been asking for lessons with Minako almost as long as Mari had been begging to get out of them. Hiroko grinned down at the four-year-old bouncing along beside her.

As they entered the studio, Yuuri dropped his mother’s hand to run across the room to Minako. “Min-ko-sensei, lookit my tights!,” he cried out doing a little twirl in front of her. He pointed one foot in front of her, “And my shoes!”

“Very good Yuu-kun. You look just right for class,” she said reaching down to help tug the shirt down over his black tights. “Now go stand with Ami-chan and we’ll get started.” Yuuri nodded and looking over to the little girl in braids, walked over to stand next to her.

“Everyone. This is first position. Do your best!”

——–

“Minako-senpai, I just don’t know what to do. Yuuri’s teacher called today to say he’d been hiding the closet at school today after lunch again. And I can tell he’s been crying. But he says nothing is wrong.”

“Oh Hiroko, let me see what I can find out after class today when Yuuri’s doing his extra stretching. You may want to check with Mari-chan also. You know she watches him very closely these days since that boy shoved him on the beach.”

“Thank you. I just want to know what is going on at school and to make sure he’s alright.”

That afternoon Yuuri arrived at class as promptly as ever and immediately began stretching. Minako watched him as she greeted the other seven year olds arriving and noticed that with each arrival, Yuuri would look up and then shrink back, making himself smaller and turning away from the others. Ami sat next to him, but the others seemed to leave more space than usual. Minako tightened her lips, but she had class to run and could only watch for now.

Throughout that day’s class Minako noticed that only Ami directly interacted with Yuuri. Everyone else either ignored him completely or shot dirty looks at him. By the end of class, Yuuri had moved himself all the way to the back corner and was dancing in his own world. Minako admired his form, noting that she needed to work on his turnout slightly and that she really did need to talk to Hiroko about putting him in the advanced class even though it would be early.

“Yuuri-kun,” Minako said as class packed up, “stay a moment will you? I need to talk with you.” She noted that Yuuri startled and that his forehead creased. She also noticed a bunch of heads turn away quickly and whispers start up as the rest of the class left. Minako decided that next class was going to concentrate on plies. Lots of plies. 

Once she was sure the last of the others was out of the studio, she turned to Yuuri with her hands on her hips. Yuuri stood, not quite looking at her and shifting his weight from foot to foot. Minako sighed, “Alright kiddo. What’s the story.”

Yuuri looked up and Minako’s heart broke to see the tears in his eyes. “Hiroshi-san says only girls do ballet and he said no one should hang out with me because I’m pretending to be a girl,” Yuuri choked out after a minute of sniffling and shaking his head. “I know that’s not true Minako-sensei, you showed us all those videos!” Yuuri continued, “But they keep shoving me a school and leaving notes in my cubby.”  He ran over to his pack and pulled out a handful of notes with words like Fatty and Baby written on them to hand over to Minako.

“Oh Yuuri-kun, why didn’t you tell your mother about this?” Minako asked.

Yuuri sniffled again, “I didn’t want her to pull me from lessons and I thought if she knew they were teasing me at school she would.”

Minako chuckled, “Yuuri, I don’t think you have to worry about that, now let’s get you home and we’ll talk about what we’re going to do to handle this.” She reached out and rumpled the little boy’s hair. “Come on.”

Three days later, Minako-sensei led an intensive ballet workshop during gym at Yuuri’s school. Yuuri was the only one able to walk home that afternoon.

——–

Minako tapped her lip as the children moved through the simple choreography for the upcoming recital. It was becoming increasingly clear that Yuuri was not only the best dancer in her young group, but he was also better than a number of her intermediates. But Minako knew his body was too young to move him to harder classes. 

She and Hiroko had a number of conversations about how they could encourage Yuuri without pushing him to injury. Minako had plans for Yuuri and they didn’t involve stress fractures at eight.

Minako looked out the studio window as Yuuko bounced down the stairs from the studio and hoisted her skate bag on her shoulder to head to her skating lesson after ballet. Minako’s eyes widened with a sudden thought, there was something new for Yuuri. And he already knew Yuuko from lessons. She knew Hiroko and Toshiyo would agree since they’d just been talking about finding more activities for him just last night.

Minako spun up onto her toes in glee. “Yuuri-kun! Come with me, I’ve got something fun for you to try.” 

you're a student at Samwell, you're in the student kitchen minding your own business when you notice someone sneaking, acting suspicious. You recognise him as the hockey guy, from that weird poster you took a photo of to send to your friends back home cause they wouldn't believe you how weird the hockey team is.

That poster had an email address. So you send an email saying "he's in the kitchen" not thinking too much about it. The hockey team is weird, everyone knows this, everyone's given up trying to figure out why they do the things they do.

Not five minutes later there's a loud commotion in the kitchen. You look up to see the hockey guy getting dragged out of the kitchen by several of his teammates, kicking and screaming "I NEED TO BAKE!!!". You hear someone tell him "It's for your own good!" among all the shouting.

A girl is walking after them apologising for the commotion and saying "thank you all for emailing us".