The Actually Good Headcanons Guy

Sanji is a perfect boyfriend for someone that loves romantics. Someone who pores pinterest/reads romance novels wishing it was them, over a latte or something.

That's what sanji will make sure you feel like. The type to read the books you read just to quote them.

He'll learn your favorite foods and cook them absurdly well, putting all of his effort into making sure you get fed first. Yes, even before Nami or Robin. You should feel honored.

Sanji would give you gifts, souvenirs from the islands they go to that he thinks you'll like, anything you need.

When the ship is in peril, like it normally is, he'd save you first, because how could he live with himself if his special person was harmed? I mean it, too. If you get harmed he's gonna be screaming for Chopper to do his thing.

Definitely the jealous type. The people that you're talking to better be of an acceptable caliber for Sanji, or he's kicking them in the jaw.

That's another important thing: You're one of the safest people in the One Piece verse. Black Leg Sanji is absurdly powerful, fast, durable, etc. You will not be harmed as long as he breathes.

But let's not forget, he's a lover before a fighter. Sanji will escort you to bed at night, hold you close as y'all sleep, with hands only meant for cooking at your sides instead.

Asking you how your day was, if there's anything he can do to improve it tomorrow, yapping until you both sleep to the sounds of the other's tired voices.

Hopefully it's not in that shared bedroom on the Sunny. Usopp would rather sleep in the crow's nest.

Let's start with Brock.

Dating Eddie is like dating any guy. Well, not just ANY guy, but you get the idea. Eddie smells like coffee, and when he isn't arguing with tall, dark and smelly, can be very charming. A level of wit even Peter picked up on, as they used to be best buddies.

He knows what you'd ACTUALLY want, as far as gifts go. It's his main source of affection, outside of compliments he'd stumble out trying to maintain a mature demeanor and physical touch.

Puts the "Protector" right behind "Lethal." Eddie will personally go out of his way, symbiote or no symbiote, to keep you safe. Even if it means outright putting himself in harm's way. That's where Venom typically comes in handy, but still.

Eddie's the one you would want to take you to a pizza place down the street after a long day of submitting not-as-good photos of Spider-Man and trying to convince Jonah to give him jobs that DON'T involve the wall crawler, since that's Pete's joint.

A genuinely good, reliable man.

... But isn't there ALSO somebody you forgot to ask?

And yes, Venom is a very important factor in all of this. Hell, he's the main reason I bet you even read this far.

Venom is possessive of Eddie. Sees him as his ONLY true host, going so far as rejecting and killing other hosts he doesn't deem as worthy, or Eddie-caliber.

That being said, he's VERY friendly to people that he likes. A very good example is Ms. Chen from the movies, who Eddie very regularly sees and even waves at her when he isn't in his full, complete form.

So, you. Reader, y/n, person judging my writing. Let's say Venom likes you. No, REALLY likes you.

Aside from the freaky, monster fucker reasons people like Venom for (great time to admire the 19 inches of venom that sony blessed us with, I'm of course talking about the statue), Venom is VERY silly. He'd come up with silly names for you, as he does for everyone he comes to like (SPIIIDEERRR-WUUUSSSSS).

You could show him all around NYC, and he could show YOU all around NYC. Taking you all the way up the empire state, ensuring that he's not gonna let you fall, just so you can see the skyline. Greatest view in the city.

Venom sucks at gifts, often opting to get you something HE thinks is cool, without really considering if you would share the sentiment or not. He's also TERRIBLE with compliments, often sounding more like veiled threats, like how he could just eat you up.

Nice and sweet from Grandma. Not exactly from an 8 foot behemoth with teeth.

He will kill for you. Lord, he would kill for you. Brutally, too. You could sick him like a dog at someone you kinda just don't like, and if Eddie isn't there to put some sense into the two of you that person is toast.

Often times, people see Venom and Eddie as a struggle just to get you, fighting between each other for your love. I don't think that's the case. If Edddie likes you, and Venom likes you, they will both do everything in their power to make sure you not only feel loved and appreciated and special, but that you stay safe.

Tarn would most likely find y/n some time after his final siege against the lost light. Be you bot or organic, you would find him debating his entire existence. I mean for Primus sake the man he viewed as literal god just tried to send him to the scrap heap just for doing what he was told. (At least, that's how Tarn probably sees it, still.)

Most of your initial interactions would have to consist of helping him... Find himself. Finding his music, maybe even introducing him to more. Showing him that he doesn't need such beefy transformation cogs in order to live/do his job anymore.

Ultimately, helping him unlearn everything he had during his time within the DJD.

Or, you could be the type that doesn't want him to change, in which case you need to help him find his fire again. Get him right back on the field, only now no longer as an official branch of the Decepticon army but as a vigilante/serial killer.

Whether you change him for the better, or the worse, rest assured that you're one of the safest bots in the galaxy. One of the many bots that, if given the proper reasoning, could take on strong combatants like Optimus, other high ranking members of the Autobot cause, hell he almost fucked around and took out Megatron (albeit a Megatron that was striving for diplomacy).

He'd be possessive, almost to an obsessive extent, but not too badly. Always tracking your location, ready to be summoned at your beck and call, either carrying you on his shoulder or piloting you around.

Even in his holoform, assuming you're a human, he would be with you. Looming above you, keeping any possible annoyances out of your way.

A real golden retriever, hidden behind MANY layers of gun metal and blood.

He's not the best in the way of comfort and compliments verbally (at least, not without sounding near-pretentious levels of poetic), but adores quality time, and will go to great lengths to get you gifts that you want.

Yes, even if he has to kill for them.

An anonymous request, and one I'm happy to do. Literally obsessed over writing this dude since he came out lmao

More likely than not, you would know him as Jed Olsen. Maybe you're a reporter, a fellow contributor to the Roseville Gazette. Maybe you're the family of one of his victims that he took a particular interest in. Whatever the case, the devil's eyes are on you, yet you'd never be the wiser.

Jed Olsen would be such a nice man. Not exactly mild mannered, typically smells like cheap cologne, and is always wrapped up in his work. Not like work is his only priority, however. He gets around, particularly frequents the gym, which would likely catch you by surprise.

You remember when he first entered the job site. How he shook your usually stern boss' rough hands, and was nearly instantly part of the family. It almost struck you as odd, but even you couldn't resist his charms for long.

Months would pass, and he would become a regular face. Very regular. You'd see him in the streets, sometimes in the most odd of places. A bar he likes to frequent, or taking a walk in the suburbs. Looking for a story, he says. You didn't think much of it; in fact, it just made you realize what a dedicated worker he is.

And then, tragedy falls upon Roseville.

And then another. And another.

Before long, tales of a masked assailant would run rampant, with Jed Olsen spearheading the efforts of both covering the story and aiding in the investigation.

It was your shared interest in the carnage, and your keen eye, that REALLY got Jed's attention.

Noticing Jed's nervous habits of chewing his pen, linking a potential killer starting point to the very bar Jed frequents, it all made his blood rush. No, he wasn't scared. He wasn't worried he'd be caught. No, he was thrilled.

You give him a rush no one had previously.

Let's face it, the police of Roseville are lackluster at best. And the other fools covering the story would buy any slop put in front of them. They practically waited with baited breath for Jed to gain more insight on the murders so they could swoop in like vultures and feed on the scraps of a story.

But you? Oh, no.

And he liked that. Jed Olsen had already been lightly interested in you, but now? He likes you. Notices all of your little quirks. He even took you out to eat one night, swearing it was a lucky guess when the option was your favorite.

A friendly date would turn into something more. It would turn into gifts, roses with your favorite color. Extremely thoughtful gifts, love and affection with all of the right touches.

Dating Jed Olsen felt like bliss... The perfect man, you thought to yourself.

!! Unfortunately, your keen eye would also get you into some trouble. Being on a serial killer's radar typically does. He had something planned just for you. A real headliner, like you deserved to be.

!! Ghostface would enter your house about two months into your investigation. About five months into your deep interest in Jed Olsen. Walk through it like he'd been there before, because he had. He knew how, every Saturday evening, on-looking your off day that Sunday, you liked to listen to your records over a glass of wine, wearing robes your mother got you for Christmas.

!! Another fact Ghostface knew. Of course he does. He's waited months for this.

Yet, when you go to play your usual starter album, Ultimate Sinatra, it's gone.

The normal person would assume it misplaced, but you don't misplace anything. You know, meticulously, where your belongings are at any given moment. But not anymore. A pang of frustration crosses your mind as you begin looking through the candle-lit living room.

Then, a smell. A familiar one. It punches your nostrils, delicately at first, but unmistakably. Cologne. Cologne you would never wear if your life depended on it. You pause for a moment to take it in, knowing you've smelled it before, but where?

!! But then another, much more horrifying realization hits you.

You aren't alone.

You very quietly shuffle to the corner of your living room, towards the sofa. Grabbing your baseball bat from behind it, feeling its weight. You try to convince yourself that, if need be, it could knock someone out.

You're not sure. But you try anyway.

!! You jump when the lights go out. You know the fucker trying it, how could you not? This matches his MO: the stalking, the B&E. But that doesn't make this any easier. Knowing how the game is played doesn't change the rules, or downplay the terror you feel when you squint, your eyes adjusting, only to see something dart across the doorframe briefly.

!! Something white, caked in shadow, inhuman, disappearing so quickly you thought it was a figment of your horrified mind.

You're paralyzed, watching that doorframe, slowly approaching it, bat in hand. Your heart races. Your grip tightens. You muster up your courage, you're ready to risk it all! You make one quick dash to see your assailant, and!...

Nothing.

There's a slight bit of ease, before snapping directly back around at a sudden noise.

🎵 ℐ'𝓋𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊… 𝒰𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝓀𝒾𝓃… 🎵

!! He stands there, taunting, yet ready to attack. Knees braced like an animal. Once you turn, once your face pales with fear, he lunges. Hears your beautiful screams tear over the music as he gets his hands on you, forces the bat to drop.

🎵 ℐ'𝓋𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊… 𝒟𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑒… 🎵

!! A fog swirls around you, or at least you think it does, as the shimmering knife tears cruelly into your body. It all goes black. You think it a quick death, and it was thankfully, but you don't get to enjoy it, as you're put into a fate worse than any brand of afterlife.

A fate you would, inevitably, find ghostface in again.

His lil headliner. <3

Now that was a lil fic, but I hope it demonstrates ghostface well for you. Ghostface is, objectively, made for a dark romance plot. Jed Olsen builds himself as the perfect man, in an attempt to mask his unbridled obsession over you.

!! You would be his favorite to take pictures of. His favorite to hear scream, his favorite in general.

Is genuine romance impossible with Danny? Absolutely not, surprisingly! Especially in a realm that is literally forever like the fog.

!! However, unlike someone among the legion, him liking you doesn't spare your death. On the contrary. He'd send you right back to that campfire with a picture of your bloody body, and him posing right next to you. Maybe grabbing your hair with stabbed-out lungs, like in his mori, or standing over you like one of his more iconic shots from when he was originally coming out.

It'd be a game for him. One he knows you'll actually give him a challenge in, but one he'll take pride in constantly winning in.