Witches and Saints

#famously few birds in space#probably the safest place to take him

Prince whose noblest knight keeps insisting that he would throw himself upon his own blade to bleed himself dry of sin should his liege request it has to reassure concerned citizens, "I've never asked him to do that."

"But you could, my liege!" the knight follows immediately.

my coworker, today: being an adult kinda sucks me, who has recently bought a chainsaw: but you can buy a chainsaw

i think a lot of what drives defaulting to "guy" for me when making jokes is there simply are not words like "person" that are funny. guy is SO FUNNY. like sometimes "human" hits the same way but not often!!! guy invokes a slightly different connotation than the more technically gender neutral alternatives in jokes like "humans think everything is a guy." it doesn't feel accurate to say humans think everything is a person. we certainly do not think everything is humans. but we do think everything is a guy. and what is the distinction there? to me "guy" kind of implies a Type, as well as sort of indicating that someone is an Entity With Personhood Of Some Sort that may not necessarily line up with like... actual personhood. when I was a kid, I called my toys that were people or animals or otherwise things that could be ascribed a personality "guys," like "oh I have to go gather up my guys to take to my friend's house with me," and this still feels like the most appropriate word for this to me. that bag full of plastic lions and flocked woodland creature dolls and barbies and beanie babies is a bag full of Guys. my guys are in there. hashtagmyguys

I feel like this works well with its etymology, since it came from Guy Fawkes effigies before being broadened, so while a person is an actual person, a guy is anything that's like...person-ish. Roughly (maybe very roughly) person-shaped.

imagine living somewhere flat….with like……almost no hills…..what do you guys do for fun get picked off by birds of prey or

"i ate too many cookies" is truly an ageless problem. an unlearnable lesson.

so i think the solution is to give dachshunds a third pair of legs right in the middle