when tumblr gets weird

hot dr pepper will replace water by 2019 and blood by 2023

all letters in my name are actually silent

it’s pronounced like *gust of wind*

Are we talking a poetic autumn breeze or a fart here

depends on your accent

loudest noises: -dad sneezes -mom yells -trying to get a pot out of the pot cupboard -dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower -flushing the toilet at 3am in the morning -IMAX

-John Cena

3am in the morning

This was a wild ride

So true though

god, it’s so crazy we all have bones… like, just these big hard rods holding our meat up. that’s so fucking wild, i can’t believe it

one of the main reasons i don’t want to get pregnant is i can’t handle the idea of growing bones and not keeping them

this is a very reasonable concern. you go to all that trouble growing new bones and then some shitlord infant steals them out from under you. disgraceful

What possessed you to say this

me and the girls

demi devito

danny lovato

If you’re like sleep spooning a centaur and they roll over in bed do you just die

sleep on her back, then you’ll just roll off if she shifts

Centaur Comfort Mattress™: The Horse Hole Keeps Your Bones Safe

My brother showed me this two weeks ago and it still haunts me, but now I found it.

this post literally did not exist two weeks ago who are you trying to impress

hey dude you mind if i use your microwave to microwave this metal real quick? gotta get my keys hot. doesn’t work in my microwave. please dude my keys are cold

her daughters got the whooping cough?

i brake and let the children cross?