[ID: A series of tweets by Max the comics guy who does comics aβ¦ @/amadcartoonist. (The dragonβs dialogue is originally in caps, here transcribed in bolded sentence case.)
βWow,β said Saint George as he plunged his most holy of weapons into the enveloping darkness of the beast. βWhat do you call these genitals of yours?β
βIt is a word unpronounceable by human tongue,β roared the dragon.
βWell, whatever it is, it feels fantastic,β said George.
βDragon,β said George. βMust you speak so loudly?βΒ
βThis is as quiet as I can be,β roared the dragon. βIt is also as loud as I can be. Dragons only have one volume.β
βHuh,β said George.
And then the dragon ate George.
It ate him for the better part of an hour.
Then they tried it the other way βround for a while, but it was logistically awkward due to their vastly different sizes, so George just ended up doing hand stuff and that worked out for everyone.
βDragon,β said George as he reclined on the dragon. βDo you love me?β
The dragon thought.
βI love things about you. I love the thing we do that is quite like sex. I love making you laugh and when you make me laugh in turn. I love how happy and at peace it makes me feel just to be near you.β
βI donβt love all the pieces of you, but it would be near impossible to count the things about you I do love and I can count very high. I hope that is enough.β
George considered this.
βYes,β he said. βI believe it is.β
And so it was.
βHey,β said George as the dragonβs breath began to grow quicker. βIf you want to cum on me, thatβs totally fine. I have a towel. Knights are always prepared.β
βMy ejaculate is thousands of degrees hot,β said the dragon.
βOh,β said George. βNever mind, then.β
βI am showing you the weak spot on my belly,β said the dragon. βA single arrow here would strike me dead.β
βI am honored you trust me so,β said George.
βIt is also an erogenous zone,β said the dragon. βJust FYI.β
"One cannot trust a dragon,β stated Sir Pellinore, drawing himself to his feet. βThey may speak the words of man, but they do so with a forked tongue.β
βA really long, really flexible tongue,β said George.
βWhat?β said Sir Pellinore.
βNothing,β said George.
βGeorge is fighting a dragon again,β said Sir Pellinore.
βItβs the same dragon,β said Beowulf darkly.
βI thought he impaled that one on his lance.
"He did.β
βWell, heβs wrestling it now, the brave lad. Heβs even doing it in the proper Greek style.β
βOf course he is.β
βBehold, oh man,β roared the dragon. βI have engaged in the ancient ritual of cleansing flame, purifying my body completely.β
βSo weβre clear for assplay?β Asked George.
βOh yes.β
βWhat is that?β
βItβs a cigarette,β explained George. βIβm smoking.β
βOf course you are,β said the dragon.
βWhat?β said George.
βNothing. You are being very cute right now.β
βSo, I heard you ate Guy of Warwick,β said George. βAnd I want to let you know itβs okay. We never talked about being exclusive. Youβre free to do whatever you want.β
βThat was not a euphemism. I was just hungry.β
βOh,β said George. βNever mind, then.β
βWhat are you doing?,β asked the dragon.
βIβm trying to work your nipples,β said George.
βNot a mammal.β
βRight.β
βThis is where you live? Itβs very nice, as far as caves go,β said George.
βI did not realize how dirty it was in here. Your halo is really lighting up the place. Making me see how much I need to clean.β
βSorry. I donβt know how to turn it off.β
βThat dragon youβve been fighting seems to be giving you all sorts of trouble. Do you need help killing the beast?β asked Sir Pellinore. βI notice that youβve got some claw marks on your back and bite marks on your inner thigh.β
βIβm good,β said George.
βHow do you like the tea? I made it myself,β said George proudly.
βI do not like it very much, but I do appreciate you sharing it with me,β said the dragon.
βThatβs fine,β said George. βI suppose dragons have different taste buds than humans.β
βSure, let us go with that.β
βI like how you have that kind of a v shape between your stomach and your groin,β said the dragon, idly tracing the area with a single claw. βDo you do a lot of bicycle kicks? Or reverse crunches?β
βSort of,β said George. βI wear metal pants that are very difficult to take off.β End ID]