Tumblao en el sofá

So like, if I’m expected to clean the house now, I will be doing it in the way that is most effective for me. And anything that has not been cleaned up after months of having sit-down talks and sending reminders and being promised things will change, might be deemed “trash” by the trash panda and thrown away.

We haven’t done since we moved into the house, because I didn’t want to cause my roommate or their cats destress or have their things destroyed by a raccoon

I wanna make things very clear that underneath all the whimsy, I am a trained professional.

Those vibes are likely because I’m the original creator of Dashcon and my personality has not changed since 2012 lmao

i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

The kids are aight

Me: *Blood streaming from my nostrils and eyes* david, it includes everyone

can't keep that in the tags

me, immediately: oh my god what if it was me

I have never heard of this band. I AM in fact referring to the animal.

me after ants find me asleep at the picnic