Zach D.I.D. it

Most of us have a personal blog outside this one, so here's a list of them.

@vintage-sweet-heart is Rosie' s blog. It's mostly pink and vintage aesthetics I think.

@perfectlyangelic is my blog (Gabriel) and I post a lot of nature/ magic stuff, coffee and tea, and angels/religion. Also positivity! Lots of positivity.

@dreamersandstars is Zach's blog. He posts a lot of political posts, memes, humour, and some angsty teen aesthetics.

@silenceofthefallen is Vera' s blog. It's inactive right now since she's dormant, but it's got anything that caught her interest on it.

@wingless-butterflies is Vanessa's blog. It's kind of dark, and it's mostly a trauma blog.

@ceruleanroses is Nevaeh' s blog. She doesn't post much, but it's a lot of literature, poetry, fashion, and fantasy stuff. Occasional witch things.

There is this online consensus that the only options for disorders are “diagnosed” and “doesn’t have a disorder” — any complexity, such as professional acknowledgment without diagnosis, is considered meaningless, and laughable.

This is mostly because many mental health spaces are heavily dominated by the culture and beliefs of the USA, which may not apply to all countries. For elaboration…

In the US, diagnosis is usually necessary for insurance, and therefore treatment. It’s a mandatory aspect of the mental health system — without diagnosis, you don’t get support, due to financial and legal inaccessibility. This means, in practice, the options are ‘diagnosed’ or ‘doesn’t have a disorder’ and, implicitly, cannot access treatment.

In other countries, for example many European countries, the culture is different. Many European countries don’t require diagnosis for insurance or treatment. Many — for the example the UK — are attempting to move away from formal diagnosis, as a whole. This is due to the shift of focus onto Formulations, which identify symptoms, causes, and treatment. Of course, diagnosis is still available, though it’s increasingly harder to access, due to this cultural shift in treatment.

Your doctor, therapist and psychologist might all confirm your symptoms align with criteria for a disorder, and will treat you for that specific disorder. However, you still may not receive a formal diagnosis. Many UK mental health professionals will consider professional recognition (through therapy, assessment, differential considerations, etc…) as being equivalent to diagnosis, since you have thorough, trained opinion which recognises your symptoms.

In the eyes of online mental health spaces, this experience and reality isn’t acknowledged, or given validity, however, since it contradicts with US centric preconceptions of medical treatment. Even the most inclusive spaces divide people into ‘confirmed, diagnosed’ or ‘suspecting, seeking diagnosis’ — which someone in different countries may not align with, since they may be confirmed (and in treatment) though never given formal diagnosis.

Please remember that diagnoses are simply patterns of symptoms, it’s socially constructed. If someone is recognised as having symptoms which align with criteria for a diagnosis, they do experience that disorder, regardless of their countries culture around medicine.

To quote one popular post on here “stars are real, constellations are not.”

"Maya angelou's family killed a pedophile that raped her, and that just traumatized her more. "I thought that I had caused the man’s death, because I had spoken his name. That was my seven-and-a-half-year logic. So I stopped talking for five years." Read I know why the caged bird sings."

and here is my comment:

the fantasy of killing a pedophile to defend your child is... an escape from reality. as with all fantasies where a single act of violence stands for a lifetime of effortful care. it lets us off the hook for the day to day labor of actually protecting the human beings around us. it gives us an excuse to look away from what abuse actually looks like.

it allows us to ignore that setting boundaries is a daily practice. it allows us to ignore the subtle ways in which we punish children for having boundaries. it allows us not to think about things we can do, the effort we can put in, in smaller repeated ways, to be kind and caring. to be safe to talk to.

it is a grand gesture that, were you to actually go through with it, would neither prevent the harm that you fear nor help your child to heal from it. it is an idea with no bearing on reality for 99.99% of people, while rape and abuse are a reality for a large fraction of people.

it is not useful to imagine killing a pedophile. it is not useful to claim you would kill a pedophile. it wouldn't be useful to actually attempt to kill a pedophile in almost any situation.

it is useful to think about how you can help your child know they can get help. they can say no. they can tell adults to stop. they deserve to be comfortable. they deserve to be informed.

the entire point of the post is that your child will not be saved by your imagined wrath. the entire point is that your day to day actions, and your attitude towards children as people, are more impactful to your child's well-being. far more realistic. more important.

not least because your child doesn't need you to be wrathful. they need your love. they need care. they need attention.

meanwhile, the public performance of wanting to kill child abusers doesn't do anything to child abusers. most child abusers believe they are doing the right thing for their children.

saying you want to kill abusers doesn't signal anything good to children, either. as others have said, it makes children more afraid to speak up and ask for help. that might be their mom, their coach, their troop leader. it gives those abusers leverage; the children cannot tell if they want things to be stable.

and it makes it harder for adults to BELIEVE children, too! because if their child was really abused, then they've staked their honor on committing that violence, even if it was against their brother or spouse or grandpa or pastor or neighbor or their other kid's favorite babysitter. and if they don't want to do that, well... then they must decide whether they believe completely their child, or whether their child's boundaries must really be respected, or... if maybe it's impossible to know.

how many abuse survivors have tried to disclose, only to be told that so-and-so wouldn't do that, or they didn't mean it, because so-and-so loves you and we all like so-and-so. this dichotomy goes both ways, psychologically. if a child abuser is entirely evil and has to be killed, then someone who's not entirely evil and i don't want to kill can't be a child abuser. this must be something else. there must be a mistake.

-Completely losing a memory that moments ago was completely accessible. The memory is irretrievable and you cannot remember actually remembering it (where you were, what you were doing, etc when you were thinking about it). You know you had a memory about something a minute ago and now you have no idea what it was about, who was in it, when it happened, if it was good or bad, or any other information other than there was a memory™. The only time you remember this memory is when the alter(s) who holds this memory is fronting.

-Something happening earlier in the day (maybe even week!!) and then when you try to think back to it, even though you know that it happened, you have no idea what "it" is and there is just a blank space in your mind. Yes even if you remembered it earlier that minute/hour/day. Just a sense that something™ occured and that you previously knew what it™ was. There is no blurriness or sense of what actually happened, there is nothing where you know something should theoretically be. This could also be gradual, the memory slowly slips away until it doesn't exist in the current part's memory. You likely remember the before and after but cannot retrieve it even with prompting.

You may not realize a blackout occured because [part a] remembers everything including the memory or experience that [part b] forgot. While [part b] remembers everything [part a] remembers besides that memory or experience. This may create the illusion of a singular, but forgetful, experience of life.

[Part a] may even remember that [part b] forgot without realizing it was [part b] and not [part a]. [Part b] may subsequently forget that [part a] remembered said event. [Part b] thinks they're just forgetful since they know they (but actually [part a]) at one point could easily recall the memory.

Let's call it a localized or selective blackout (depending on what memories and how much is missing.) You're not waking up anywhere but one or more parts of you are completely missing a memory that can be recalled in another state of consciousness. The memory isn't blurry, it's isn't emotionally detached, it isn't a series of screenshots and vibes, it's absolutely nothing. You will (probably) remember everything before and after the gap (or maybe some random events surrounding it but not that/those specific memories) That's what separates it from a greyout in my mind.

For me I have certain memories in one state and certain in another but there is overlap in other daily memories making it seem as if I am only forgetting those memories because they are not in the front of my mind/have no reason to be recalled. I usually only figure this out after multiple times of losing and then recalling a memory. Often times (not always) the part of me that remembers it will also remember forgetting it (and will likely wonder how I even forgot it in the first place.)

I can also find this out if another part does not remember it when the same thing that triggers the memory 100% of the time for another part is present. This usually has to happen multiple times for me to realize that a memory doesn't transfer. However, I can never remember which memories are compartmentalized and not fully accessible at all times (mostly because I don't track parts or switches) but also likely because if I do not hold a memory at a time I won't remember I forgot it.

If you have a lot of shared daily and autobiographal information between parts blackouts can easily slip through the cracks because you're not really waking up anywhere. The blackouts can also absolutely be retrograde, your brain may say that an experience that one part of you experienced actually needs to only be remembered by another part and then boom, you no longer remember this thing and likely have no reason to think back to it to even realize you don't have it anymore.

This is not to undermine the seriousness of blackouts where an individual does wake up in strange areas or days later. This is just to show how blackouts can occur within DID in order to make the disorder undetectable. The brain is great at filling in gaps.

you wake up a few times halfway through the night you wander off to the bathroom before making it back and quickly falling back asleep. you hear some words and you think they're your partner but you might be imagining it. there's a loud banging noise but god knows where it's coming from. someone asks you about classes tomorrow but you don't remember if they really did or if you just imagined it. you go to the bathroom again only to realize once you're there that you never got up out of bed.

sure

You were the victim, and it wasn’t fair, but it’s over now. Nobody came to save you, and I’m sorry, but it’s too late for anyone to go back and do it different.

You’re suffering over something that cannot be resolved. You’re allowed to feel angry, or outraged, or betrayed, but there will eventually come a time that you don’t feel that so violently anymore, and you’re going to want to have something good left to go back to.

You can’t make anyone love you the way you need to be loved. That’s how a lot of good things end. Not with a clear sign, something blocking the road that says “do not proceed”, just a splitting of the path that’s still moving somewhat in the same direction.

You can’t fix them. Nothing you can do will fix them. And if they fix themselves, they can’t do it for you- they have to do it for themselves as well, because otherwise a day may come when they’re alone, and as long as they live, they are their only true constant. So you can support, and you can encourage, but the hardest part is up to them. And sometimes they can’t do it even with your help.

Sometimes letting go of someone feels like mourning at their funeral before they’ve died, and every time you see them after it’s like talking to a ghost that doesn’t know it’s dead. Sometimes that happens. You’ll both still wake up tomorrow anyways.

I understand that you’re afraid, and that you’re afraid for good reasons. And I understand that being brave isn’t as easy as just turning that fear off, and you would if you could in a heartbeat. But the thing is, as long as that fear is able to dictate your choices, it will have power over you. If you don’t believe you can try to fight it, if you accept that it will always be in charge, you let the frightening thing stay present in your life. It will exist as long as you stay paralyzed. And that sounds cruel, but it isn’t something anyone can fix for you.

The person you may let yourself become after experiencing the terrible thing may very well grow into a much bigger, much more terrible thing, and someday it will swallow the first terrible thing whole. And all that will be left is something far worse for someone else. And you will not be able to shrink it down by explaining where it came from, because terrible things that are dead and gone are never as terrible as terrible things that are alive right now in front of you.

Greetings bugs and worms!

This comic is a little different than what I usually do but I worked real hard on it—Maybe I'll make more infographic stuff in the future this ended up being fun. Hope you learned something new :)

If you are still curious and want to learn more about OCD, you can visit the International OCD Foundation's website. I also recommend this amazing TED ED video "Starving The Monster", which was my first introduction to the disorder and this video by John Green about his own experience with OCD.

The IOCDF's website can also help you find support groups, therapy, and has lots of online guides and resources as well if you or a loved one is struggling with the disorder. It is very comprehensive!

Reblog to teach your followers about OCD

please remember us when talking about neurodiversity. ocd, dyslexia, dyscaculia, personality disorders, tourettes, intellectual disabilities, schizo-spec disorders, etc. all fall under neurodiversity.

please stop saying neurodivergent when you mean "autism and adhd."